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Title: The Fic Mel Gave Me The Parameters For And I Wrote High On Coffee At 1a.m
Rating: General.
Disclaimer: not
mine.
A/N: Hee!
Dedication: Mel, who asked. :)
***
“I’ll Kill him…”
“Sir…”
“No,
Carter, I mean it. I’ll kill him. With my bare hands. And a blunt spoon!” His nostrils were flaring, he could
feel his face going red and he was pretty damn sure that there was steam coming out of his ears.
“I’m sure
it was funny at the time, Sir…” It was funny at the time, and she remembered it. She would also be sniggering
about it for several decades to come. But she wasn’t stupid enough to tell him that.
“You know what? This
it actually your fault!”
“Mine?”
“Yes!”
“How?”
“You’re
the smart one! The voice of reason!”
“Actually, I think Daniel is the voice of-“
“Carter!”
“Yes
Sir, I’m the voice of reason.” Best not to argue.
“And you didn’t stop me why…?”
Well,
at the time, the idea had sounded great. Really. She may have even been the one to suggest it. Best not to tell him that.
“I… uh…don’t know?” Shit.
“Carter, can you possibly work any slower?”
“I’m
sorry Sir. I’m not very good at picking locks with a hangover the size of Montana.”
Sigh.
He was
being a bit of an ass about the whole situation, really.
This was probably exactly like what he used to do with his
AF buddies back in the day when he didn’t have a bad knee and was 20 years younger. In fact, this was probably tame
for him! But no, just like a man, he simply had to whine about it. It had to be a huge drama.
They face certain death
and destruction every other week, what did this matter in the grand scheme of things?
“Carter….”
Impatient
Prick.
Cute, though.
“I know Sir.”
“Why did we go out last night?”
“Celebration
of your official retirement.”
“Couldn’t we have done that at my place? *Away* from the zoo and the
tattoo parlor?”
“We did start at your place, that’s where Daniel got the handcuffs from.”
“How
did I get so drunk that I didn’t notice what he was doing to me?”
“Possibly the cough syrup you’ve
been drinking all week, Sir.”
The label says ‘Do not mix with alcohol.’
Sam Carter says ‘Sir,
are you sure you should drink while you’re taking that stuff?’
Teal’c says ‘Is this wise?”
Daniel
says ‘Want a beer?’ (Evil bastard had this planned all along.)
What does Jack do? Get drunk. While on cough
syrup. Then complain. And she has to deal with it. Because Daniel and Teal’c split before they woke up. Daniel and Teal’c
did the smart thing and ran. But probably not far enough. He’ll find them. Or he'll call Thor and just get his little
gray buddy to ‘beam them up’ and then he’ll kill them
With a blunt spoon.
“Grrr.”
“Yes
Sir.” Smirk.
“It’s not funny!”
“No Sir.” Snicker.
“Carter!”
“I
know.” Laughter. Uncontrollable laughter.
She couldn’t help it, really. He was handcuffed to the Parrot
cage in Colorado Zoo. Half naked, and there was a tattoo on his chest.
His *bare* chest.
Yum.
Finally
getting the lock free, Sam moved back so he could sit up, rubbing his wrist.
While she laughed.
“It is
kinda funny, isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“And really, we’re all friends.”
“We
are.”
“So you wont be angry if we get you drunk, tie you up half naked and have ‘O’Neill’
tattooed on your chest when it comes time for you to retire?”
Well… when he put it like that.
No.
Sounded
kinda nice, actually.
“Fine by me.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
“Cool.”
He was grinning. And grimacing a little. The tattoo was probably sore.
“Hey, Jack?”
“Yeah?”
“Can
we use the handcuffs later?”
“Will there be a zoo involved?”
“No. I’m thinking,
you, me, a bed, handcuffs.”
“This was *so* worth it.”
Yeah, it was.
And really, what
woman wouldn’t love seeing her name intricately tattooed on Jack O’Neill’s chest?
***
ende.
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