The Multi-Fandom Fic Of Doom.

 

Title: Ridiculously Attractive Luncheon.
Author: Ky (Venom_69)
Fandom: Oh Boy: Voyager, CSI, NCIS, Stargate, Stargate: Atlantis, Gilmore Girls, X-men 3.
Category: Humor.
Pairing: Double Oh Boy! Kathy/Chuckles, Gil/Catherine, John/Elizabeth, Sam/Jack, Logan/Jean, Luke/Lorelai, Gibbs/Kate, Tony/Kate, Gibbs/Tony/Kate. Kinda.
Rating: Age Friendly.
Summary: I don’t think I can justify this with a summary!
Archive: My site. Anywhere else, sure, just let me know where so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them. Song’s not mine either. That’d be Belinda Carlisle’s “The same thing”
Author’s notes: Hannah asked for a prompt to do a multi-fandom fic. I said: “OK, I’ll write you a scene to start you off.” Three hours, a pack of fags, a bottle of spritz and two hot water bottle re-fills later, this was here.
Date: 06/06/06 *sniggers*
Copyright © to Venom, 2006

***

We dream the same dream
We want the same thing – oh!
And all we need is to see it together.

***

Kathryn glanced around at the other occupants of the table.

Chakotay, seated at her left as always, was doing the same.

Watching, observing the surroundings, the contents of the table they all sat at, taking stock of the strangers that surrounded them. A few people were talking, but most of the conversation was quiet, no doubt asking each other the same questions that fluttered through Kathryn’s mind.

Aside from her XO, she didn’t know these people and that was about the only thing she was certain of.

The chair beneather her was hard, the high-back stretching far above her head. The table was old, wooden, not like Starfleet’s standard issue gray. Plates and cups sat in front of them. She recognized vegetable lasagna in the bowl in front of her.

“Do you think they know where we’re from?” She asked, watching a dark-haired woman having a rather animated conversation with a blonde, across from her. Kathryn couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the brunette was certainly passionate about it.

“I doubt it.” Chakotay replied quietly. “But they don’t seem to have picked up on our uniforms.”

That had crossed her mind too. She was in full uniform – minus her combadge, damnit – and no one had passed comment as yet. “Look at what they’re wearing. I hardly think any of them are in a position to comment.”

He smiled, dimples flashing. “Point taken. I get the feeling we’re in the past.”

“Then why hasn’t Braxton intervened yet? Or is he going to at some point?” She sighed. Time-travel gave her a headache at the best of times. The Captain of the Time Ship Relativity gave her migraines. “I think the better question would be; what are the chances of getting a coffee?”

She heard Chakotay mutter something along the lines of ‘addict’ but didn’t call him on it.

“Did someone say coffee?” The animated woman spoke up, narrowing her eyes in Kathryn’s direction. “You have coffee?”

“No, I was hoping someone else would.”

A tall, well-built man with gray hair from the other end of the table waved slightly. “There’s coffee down here.” He nodded to the blonde at his right, gesturing towards her cup. “Carter?”

The blonde shook her head. “Fine, sir.”

Kathryn watched with wide, hopeful, eyes as the coffeepot was passed down the row of people.

The brunette across from her was following its progress with equally hopeful eyes, holding a mug out in front of her. “I will sell you my soul for a cup of that.”

Huffing her amusement, Kathryn poured the woman a cup, not even thinking to ask if she took milk or sugar. “Keep your soul, I know a fellow coffee-addict when I see one.”

“You’re an angel.” She sighed, taking a long sip of the black liquid. “I’m Lorelai Gilmore.”

“Kathryn Janeway.”

From Chakotay’s left, another man with gray hair spoke up. “Pass that down.”

Lorelai narrowed her eyes. “I believe you meant to add ‘please’ there.”

A young woman next to him snorted. “Gibbs doesn’t say please.”

“Well, he should.”

The woman shrugged.

A man, Kathryn thought she would label him as boyishly attractive, shrugged as well. “We’ve tried to make him.”

“Tony, you’ve never tried anything like that.”

'Tony' scoffed. “Well I would if I weren’t so afraid he’d hit me.”

The woman rolled her eyes and turned to look at Lorelai. “Kate Todd.”

She gave a small wave. “Lorelai Gilmore.”

“Kathryn Janeway.”

“The charmer next to me is Tony Dinozzo.”

“Aww Kate, you think I’m a charmer?”

The older man, Gibbs, reached behind Kate to hit Tony upside the head. Kathryn would have interjected, but she thought it was appropriate.

Another brunette, this one on Kathryn’s right, spoke up. “I’m Elizabeth Weir. Does anyone know what we’re doing here?”

The man at the other end of the table, the keeper of the coffee, scratched his head. “With all the food on the table, I’m thinkin’… lunch?”

Kathryn glared at him. “I hardly think sarcasm is helpful, Mr.…?”

“O’Neill. General Jack O’Neill.”

While she wasn’t one hundred per cent certain what a General was in this time – where was Tom when you needed him? For that matter, when was this time? – Kathryn was relatively certain that he was pretty high up in the food chain. Whichever food chain that was. “What’s the date, Mr. O’Neill?”

Before he could answer, Kathryn heard the gentleman next to Elizabeth whisper, “Would she like that in Earth time or Atlantian time?”

She sighed.

If she and Chakotay had traveled back – and with the clothes some of these people were wearing, Kathryn was fairly certain, or hopeful, that it was back - in time, then there was no telling where everyone else had come from. “Why don’t we try something easier then? Let’s start with our names.” She pointed to herself, “Kathryn Janeway.” And turned expectantly to the woman beside her.

“Doctor Elizabeth Weir.” Slender, brunette, green eyes, angular face. Uniform.

“Colonel John Sheppard.” Slight stubble growth, brown eyes, haphazardly arranged hair, lean but muscled. Uniform.

“General Jack O’Neill.” Gray hair, tall, broad shoulders, dark eyes. Uniform.

“Colonel Sam Carter.” Short blonde hair, blue eyes, gentle features. Uniform.

“Doctor Gil Grissom.” Small beard, gray, glasses, blue eyes.

“Catherine Willows.” Long blonde hair, light eyes, well-defined features.

“Lorelai Gilmore.” Dark curls, animated, bright smile, small build.

“Luke Danes.” Rugged features, cap on backwards, a hint of dark curls beneath, well-built.

“Logan.” Thick beard, fierce expression, built like a small shuttlecraft.

“Doctor Jean Grey.” Soft features, fiery red hair and eyes, slender.

“Special Agent Tony Dinozzo.” Boyish features, devious smile to match the eyes.

“Special Agent Kate Todd.” Long dark hair, defined nose, light eyes, soft smile.

“Special Agent Jethro Gibbs.” Rough features, stubble, gray hair, bright blue eyes.

“Chakotay.” Tall, dark, broad shoulders. Uniform.

Kathryn made a mental sketch of what each person looked like, nodding as they said their name. “Good. Now, do any of you know anyone else here?” She watched with a small amount of amusement as pairs pointed to one another.

Gibbs, Kate and Tony all seemed to know each other out of a male/female pair. Sam and Jack both seemed to know Elizabeth and John and vice versa. Their uniforms varied slightly, but Kathryn could see the resemblance.

“You four know each other?” Kathryn asked, alternating her gaze between the four uniformed people at the table.

John nodded. “Yes, but I know Elizabeth better than I know General O'Neill and Colonel Carter.”

“You all know the person next to you better than the people across from you?”

The other three nodded in agreement.

“That was fun. Now what?” Logan growled.

Jean put a small hand on his arm, gently, obviously warning him because Kathryn saw his features soften slightly.

“Now we try to figure out what we’re all doing here. What’s the last thing you all remember?” Kathryn looked to Elizabeth again.

“I was playing Solitaire in my room.” Elizabeth Weir.

“I was running laps with Ronon.” John Sheppard.

“I was taking a nap.” General Jack O’Neill.

“I was working on some calculations.” Colonel Sam Carter.

“I was getting ready to hand out the cases for the night.” Gil Grissom.

“I was waiting for Gil in the break room.” Catherine Willows.

“I was making coffee.” Lorelai Gilmore.

Now there was a woman with priorities.

“I was cleaning the diner.” Luke Danes.

“I was working out.” Logan.

“I was in my Lab, running some tests.” Jean Grey.

“Were you experimenting with any chemicals?”

The woman shook her head, long hair rustling against her face. “No, everything I was using was safe.”

No answer there, then.

“I was getting ready to go out with Tina. Man, you should see her- ” Tony Dinozzo.

“Tony! Shut up! I was driving home.” Kate Todd.

“I was reading Kate’s report.” Jethro Gibbs.

“I was talking to a… friend.” Which meant her First Officer had been talking to his Spirit Guide.

“And I was reading reports.” No real common thread. “Anyone else have any ideas?”

Jack shrugged. “I’m still thinkin’ about lunch.”

Sam grinned. “As much as I don’t want to ask, are we all from the same time?”

“Carter?”

“Sir?”

“Carter?”

“Sir?”

“Are you sure you can ask that?”

“No Sir.”

“But you are anyway.”

“Yes Sir.”

Kathryn nodded slightly. It seemed that Sam had the same idea that she’d initially had. “It’s a valid question.”

“Is anybody here concerned about disclosure issues?” John seemed to direct the question to Jack. Kathryn assumed that being a ‘General’ made him superior to John.

“You think this has something to do with the Gate?”

John shrugged. “What else could it be?”

As much as she didn’t want to do this… “The Time Police could be involved.” Though she doubted they would dare screw with time in this way.

“Time police? Gate?” Luke looked back and forth between Kathryn, John and Jack. “What the hell are you people on about?”

Kathryn rubbed her forehead, they really didn’t need to get into this one. “What year is it?”

“2006. What year do you think it is?”

“2377.”

Jack whistled, a low sound from between his teeth. “Holy buckets.”

Holy buckets indeed. Kathryn looked around at the group. “Does everyone else agree with Luke?”

Gibbs shook his head, Kate and Tony both echoing the action. “It’s 2004.”

“Three different answers.” Gil raised an eyebrow. “What, then, is the real question?”

“I don’t even want to think about the year thing.” Lorelai looked more confused than alarmed. “What’s the connection between us?”

Kathryn held up one finger. “We’re all here with at least one person we know.” Two. “We’re all seated next to the people that we know.” Three. “Most of us are in an opposite sex configuration.” Four. “We all seem to have all of our memories in tact?” Everyone nodded. Five. “No one actually remembers being taken?” Another round of nods. She held up her other hand. Six. “Despite the discrepancies in what year it is, if you look in front of you, I think you’ll see something that we all eat?” More nodding. A few, soft, ‘oh!’s’ from the people that hadn’t noticed the dishes in front of them. Seven. “We all speak the same language. Anyone here not speaking English?” No one said anything. Eight. “We’re all human, correct?” While everyone else nodded, Kathryn watched as Jean and Logan glanced at each other. “You’re not?”

Neither said anything.

Luke shrugged, apparently at ease with the potentially startling revelation that he was sitting next to someone who wasn’t human. “No time to be shy, people.”

“We are human,” Jean explained. “We just have certain genes that make us… different.”

“You have the Ancient Gene?” John exchanged pointed looks with Elizabeth.

“No, that’s not what we know it as. What’s an Ancient Gene?”

John looked to Elizabeth again. She shrugged and turned to Jean. “It’s a genetic advancement that allows certain people to use certain technology.”

Jean shook her head. “That’s not it, then. Our genes give us certain abilities. We can’t use any kinda of extra machines because of them.”

Thinking, Kathryn studied the four uniformed members of their eclectic group. “Do you all have the gene?”

Elizabeth shook her head slightly, lightly touching John’s shoulder before turning to address Kathryn. “Colonel Sheppard and General O'Neill both have it. Colonel Carter and I don’t.”

Not that then, either.

“Can anyone think of any other similarities?”

“Like you said,” Tony shrugged. “Apart from us three, we’re all in male/female pairs.”

Kathryn had a really bad feeling about where this was headed. “Are any of you in relationships with each other?”

No one spoke up.

“Any former lovers, partners, mistresses, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives here?”

Luke and Lorelai exchanged glances. Lorelai sighed before turning back to Kathryn. “We were sleeping together. For a while.”

“Not anymore?”

“No.”

“OK then.” It was bad when she had an inkling, it was worse when she was pretty well certain what was going on. “I think I know why we’re here.”

Jack raised an eyebrow, popping a piece of… something into his mouth. “Oh?” He mocked, his expression cynical.

“Do you have feelings for Sam?”

He choked on whatever he was eating, coughing. Sam automatically patted his back until he cleared his throat. “Isn’t that a personal question?”

Kathryn almost wished she hadn't enjoyed that quite so much. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“Yes…”

A glare that worked on Cadets and dogs alike seemed to work on Generals too. “Then answer it.”

“Well, maybe.” He looked quickly at John - did their organizations have protocol too? - sighing. “Yes.”

“I assume I don’t need to go around the table to get conformation from everyone?” Everyone made a noise of agreement. Kathryn noticed that no one was looking at the person next to them. She wouldn’t look at Chakotay either. “That leaves you three.” She commented, looking at the three ‘Special Agents’ at the table. “Threesomes are quite common where I’m from, however…?”

“We’re not-” Tony.

“We wouldn’t-” Kate.

“What the fu-” Gibbs, stopped by a harsh look from Kate.

It would be amusing if it weren’t so slightly mortifying, Kathryn thought.

“But you have feelings for each other?” John asked. “Or Kate has feelings for one and the other has feelings for her. Or-”

“We get it.” Gibbs growled.

“So someone, or something, got us all here for a rather public heart to heart?” Jack asked, pointedly avoid Sam, who seemed to be trying to catch his gaze.

“It would seem so.” Kathryn nodded. “It’s the only consistent thread between us all.”

“This is a cosmic joke, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

Catherine frowned. “OK, so we figured out the why, what about the how?”

“I’m open to suggestions.” Kathryn shrugged.

Luke rolled his eyes. “If someone tells me that we need to be confessing things to each other in order to get out of here, I’m going to start pinching myself.”

“Do you have a better idea?” Gibbs asked.

“Do you really want to admit whether you love Kate or Tony or both?” John shot back.

Gibbs appeared to concede the point.

“Maybe the point is that we all know now.” Gil shrugged. “We may not have to say anything, or make any grand confessions, but we all know it’s there.”

“Except for you three, of course.” Luke added.

Gibbs glared at him. Kathryn was amused to see the expression echoed on Kate and Tony’s face.

Lorelai glanced at Luke before looking away quickly. “So…”

Kathryn shrugged again, hating to admit it. “I have no idea.”

“How the hell do we get out of here?” Logan glared at her.

“I don’t know that, either.”

Chakotay touched her arm gently, offering silent support.

“McKay would call this a Ridiculously Attractive Luncheon.” John sighed.

Elizabeth gave a soft laugh. “As long as it’s not an annual event, who cares what he’d call it?”

***

Kathryn awoke with a start, mildly disorientated, the tinges of her dream still clouding her mind.

How strange, she though, blinking the fogginess from her mind.

Instinctively, her hand went to her swollen abdomen, caressing the bump that she found there, feeling the answering kick to her ribs.

Moonlight fluttered in through the open window, painting her in shades of silver and white. Enough illumination shone through so that she didn’t have to call for lights as she gently moved from the bed, in search of a bathroom and some water.

Careful not to disturb her sleeping lover, Kathryn tip-toed out of their room.

Taking care of her bladder needs, she headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Finding a glass and filling it with water, she turned back towards the bedroom, only to be stopped by a broad chest.

“What are you doing up?” She asked, mildly accusing.

Chakotay took the water from her and grasped her hand with his free one, leading her back up the stairs. “Looking for you. Why are you awake?”

“I was thirsty.” She answered, crawling back into bed.

Moving in behind her, Chakotay pulled her body to his chest, arms around her and resting on her belly. “Get some sleep.”

“I’m awake now.” Kathryn complained. “Tell me a story.”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

“I’ll tell you about the dream I had. It was odd. One moment I was talking to my Spirit Guide and the next we were sitting at a large table surrounded by strangers…”

***

*facepalm*