Author: Ky (venom69)

Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager

Rating: Mature People

Summary: “I should tell you to sod off.”

Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay

Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!

Warnings: None, really.

Prompt Number for fic101: 51 - Waiting
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Coldplay. Written for pook41

Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.

Date: 04/04/07

***

Look at the stars,

Look how they shine for you

***

Chakotay sat on Kathryn’s sofa, a glass of sweet cider in his hands as they shared an after-dinner drink.

Despite his best attempts at keeping their friendship strong, it was the first time that they’d been able to keep a date in almost two months.

There had been too much on her plate, too much on his. There’d been too much work to do and not enough time to think about something as simple as a casual dinner. Blame couldn't be placed for their lack of time together.

Sigh.

Hell, it was his fault and they both knew it, though Kathryn was far too tactful to say anything.

Chakotay didn’t think that she knew about his relationship with Seven - and thus the reason for so many cancelled dates - but she hadn’t brought it up at dinner and he wasn’t particularly inclined to open that potential can of worms.

It wasn’t so much that he was ashamed, more that he was being cautious for Seven’s sake.

Yes, cautious.

For Seven.

Right.

It was her first foray into the world of romance and Chakotay didn’t want her to feel rushed or judged in any way, so he was content to spend their time together in the holodeck or the Cargo bay, away from the prying eyes of the crew and the potentially hurt eyes of the Captain.

Speaking of…

Kathryn was saying something - something about a complaining Ensign from Stellar Cartography - but he wasn’t listening to the words and he hadn’t heard any of it anyway.

For some reason, he felt as though he were looking at her - really looking at her - for the first time in months.

Maybe even years.

Somehow, over their time together, he had managed to forget exactly how attractive she was.

Auburn hair, small - but powerful - body, sparkling blue eyes, high cheekbones and just the right amount of freckles scattered across her cheeks and nose. She usually hid those with make-up, but it had been a long day for her and she had obviously scrubbed her face of the extra layer before he’d arrived and she looked years younger as she smiled.

God, she was a knock-out.

Seven was beautiful, too, Chakotay knew - tall, thin, blonde and, erm, well-endowed; what wasn’t to like? - but Kathryn’s beauty was more elegant and understated than that and Chakotay actually found him sucking in a breath when it hit him in a rush.

“It wasn’t that shocking,” Kathryn laughed. “They were only kissing.”

“What?”

She frowned at him as she sipped her cider, before arching a delicate eyebrow. “Have you been listening to me?”

“Not a word.” He admitted with an embarrassed grin.

She smiled, forgiveness in her gaze before her smile fell away and her voice grew quiet. “You didn’t have to come here tonight, you know.”

“Why would I not?”

Kathryn’s eyebrow climbed just a little closer to her hairline. “Seven.”

Oh.

He should have known better to underestimate her.

For as often as she told him that he was her link to the crew, Kathryn heard a lot more than she would ever let on.

Chakotay tugged at his earlobe uncomfortably. “You know about that, huh?”

“Yes.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“You clearly didn’t want my opinion.” She returned quickly.

“Why do you say that?”

“You were hiding it, I assumed.”

“Well, since you know, I would like your opinion on it.” It had been hard hiding the new relationship from her.

Regardless of whatever had been left unsaid between them, Kathryn was still his closest friend and he didn’t like the idea of lying to her about anything.

Even though he’d been neglecting their friendship of late - and that thought made him cringe, while a sharp pain attacked his heart - her opinion meant the world to him and she knew that as well as he did.

Kathryn was, if nothing else, possibly one of the most open-minded and compassionate people that he knew.

She would be nothing if not supportive, especially since she had, initially, been the only one to believe that Seven could ever reach this point, and Chakotay almost flushed when he realized that he had no legitimate reason for keeping the whole thing hidden from her…

“I think you’re being an idiot.”

….Well.

He hadn’t seen that coming. “Excuse me?”

“Are you having a mid-life crisis?”

Chakotay coughed. “Not that I’m aware of.”

“Do you realize how stupid you look or do you just not care?”

“Kathryn!”

She shrugged. “You asked for my opinion, Chakotay.”

Well, yes, he had, but this had been the last thing that he had expected from her and he’d forgotten what a sharp tongue she had. “How long have you known about Seven and I?”

Kathryn shrugged again. “Since the second date.”

“And if you felt this strongly against my seeing Seven, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Would you have listened?” He opened his mouth to reply and she cut him off. “Be serious, Chakotay, you have never wanted my opinion on your blonde conquests before, why would this have been any different?”

“Seven isn’t one of my conquests.”

“Does she rank higher because she’s a stunning virgin?”

Now he did flush. “Kathryn!”

She rolled her eyes and downed the last of her cider before moving to refill the glass. “Don’t even pretend that doesn’t hold an appeal for you.”

He was beginning to wonder if it was just cider in that bottle of if she’d added something when he wasn’t looking. “That’s unfair.”

“Is it?” She snorted. “And I suppose you think it’s fair that I have to watch you make an idiot of yourself in front of the crew, completely unable to say a thing. Never mind what I want.”

Something clicked. “So is this one of those situations where you don’t want me but you don’t want anyone else to have me, either?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

It was her that flushed this time. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not allowed to make any sort of advances towards my crew, you know that.”

“Then why are you so against me seeing Seven?”

“You mean aside from the fact that you look pathetic and desperate?” She shot back quickly.

“Yes," Chakotay sighed and figured that it would be easier to agree with her. “You didn’t want me, remember, so why is it so bad if I moved on?”

He had resigned himself, a long time ago, to the fact that he and Kathryn would never advance beyond friends.

It had taken a good few years - and a few more after that for good measure - but he had stopped looking at her as a woman to be desired and had begun to see her as simply his best friend.

Which was exactly why his earlier realization of her beauty had hit him so hard.

“Chakotay, why do you think I didn’t want you?”

“How about because you never gave any indication?”

“I just told you I couldn’t make any advances towards a member of my crew.” She raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to understand whatever it was that she wasn’t saying to him, “You know the rules as well as I do.”

“So, what? If I had just pinned you to a wall and kissed you, it would have been a different story?” He heard her gasp at his words. He looked at her and it all clicked. Chakotay was ready to kick his own ass. “That was it, wasn’t it? You weren’t prepared to take the initiative.”

“Why should I?”

“Because we have seven wasted years between us?” Anger surged through him and he tried to squelch the desire to hit something.

“You wouldn’t have gotten anywhere in the first two years.” She told him candidly. “I was still hung up on Mark and the idea that we’d get home any day.”

“And the third year?”

“Third year I probably would have made you wait. I probably would have wanted a little romance and a little bit of pampering before I put out for you.”

“Fourth year?”

“You would’ve gotten lucky before the third date, no doubt.”

“Fifth?”

“Dating wouldn’t have been required. I might have asked you how you felt about me first, though.”

She wasn’t helping his desire to hit something.  “Sixth?”

“All you had to do was ask.”

He gulped. Audibly. “Seventh?”

Kathryn let out a laugh, but it was completely devoid of humor. “I believe that the saying is ‘you’ve got Buckley’s chance’.”

Chakotay didn’t know who Buckley was, but he suspected that the guy hadn’t gotten laid much. “What changed?”

“Seven.”

Though she could have meant his current girlfriend or the number of years they’d been stranded together, Chakotay knew that she wasn’t referring to the latter.

He sighed. “Seven is a lovely young woman.”

“Yes, she certainly is.” Kathryn agreed. “And you’re old enough to be her father.”

There was nothing he could say to that; the thought had crossed his own mind once or twice.

“What happens now then?” He asked quietly.

Kathryn shrugged. “You have a girlfriend.”

“And what about you?”

“That doesn’t matter. As long as you’re happy.”

“Don’t play the martyr, Kathryn, it’s not becoming of you.” He hadn’t meant to snap, but it wasn’t exactly something he’d never thought of saying to her before.

“I wouldn’t have to play the martyr if you had some balls.”

“So it’s all my fault that we never got our acts together?”

“Do you want me to repeat the protocol?” She asked hotly. “Or should I grab some wet celery and start throwing flying helmets at you until you get it through your thick skull? Because…”

Chakotay watched her tirade - and he wasn’t even going to ask about the wet celery or flying helmets - and couldn’t help but smile.

Her normally pale cheeks were glowing red and there was a fiery sparkle dancing in her eyes as she glared at him. Her chest was heaving slightly, her frustration and anger evident in her harsh breathing.

He’d been right earlier; she was a knock-out. Being angry only seemed to make her more appealing.

"...you and your thick skull..."

Oh yes, something was thick all right, and it wasn’t the head on his shoulders.

“…and just what the hell are you staring at?” She finished.

He’d missed a fair chunk of whatever she’d been saying - no doubt questioning whether or not he actually did have balls. A question he would happily answer for her, with visual proof to cure her scientists curiosity - but Chakotay suspected that it didn’t matter all that much. “You’re beautiful.”

“Right, and just where do you get off saying that I’m… what?”

“Beautiful.”

Her tirade had, apparently, ended in a rather spectacular fashion. “You’ve never said that to me before.”

“I would have if I thought you wanted to hear it.”

“I already told you that-“

“-You aren’t allowed to make advances on a member of your crew.” He finished for her. “I heard you.”

Kathryn sipped at her cider quietly for a moment, a deep frown creasing her features. “Why didn’t you ever make a move then?”

Chakotay shrugged. “I didn’t think you wanted it.”

“So you were waiting for me to do something?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “And you were waiting for me.”

“I think,” Kathryn started, clucking her tongue. “That makes us twats.”

While he didn’t know what, exactly, a twat was, he couldn’t imagine that it was anything good. “So…”

“You have a girlfriend.” She reminded him quietly.

“I prefer redheads.”

Kathryn raised an eyebrow and snorted. “Your track record wouldn’t support that.”

“I prefer a specific redhead.” He amended, an embarrassed smile on his face.

“You still have a girlfriend.”

Chakotay sat forward and reached out to run a hand across her cheek, tickling the soft skin. “I can change that.” He told her. “If you want.”

Kathryn watched him for a long moment, showing no reaction to the hand that touched her cheek.

Her blue eyes stared him down. “I should tell you to sod off.” She acknowledged. “But even I’m not that stupid. Change it.”

***

He only felt mildly guilty for breaking up with Seven.

When she asked him if 'the Captain has finally come around’, he didn’t have the heart to lie to her.

He told her that she was a lovely young woman with her whole life ahead of her and, someday, she was going to meet someone that would make her extremely happy. He kissed her cheek and left, knowing with absolute certainty that it wouldn’t have mattered what Kathryn said or did; he and Seven would never have lasted.

Chakotay left the Cargo Bay feeling lighter than he has in months - perhaps even years - and he headed back to his deck with a small smile on his face.

He stopped at the entrance to his Quarters and frowned, pausing for a moment before continuing down the corridor.

Kathryn let him in when he rang the chime on her door.

He stepped over the threshold, waited until he heard the sound of the doors closing behind him, and pulled her into his arms, his lips finding hers as though they had been doing it for years.

With her body cradled tightly to his, Chakotay poured seven years worth of longing and lust into the kiss, teasing and tasting her and drinking in the heady scent from her mouth.

She tasted like cider, but there was a hint of coffee beneath the sweetness that was so heartbreakingly familiar that it made him sigh against her lips.

Hands holding her securely, he wasted no time in learning all of the crevices of her mouth. His tongue touched her teeth, her tongue, her lips. He nibbled at her, swallowing the sighs and moans that she made.

When he finally pulled back a few inches, he kept their bodies pressed together as they shared the same air, eyes locked and breaths erratic.

Her lips were slightly swollen from his and her eyes sparkled with a different emotion to the fiery anger that he’d seen earlier in the evening.

“Not wasting time, are you?”

“We’ve been dating for years, though neither of us knew it. I give you food and coffee and roses all the time and I built you a bathtub, there’s your pampering. I’m in love with you, there’s your feeling. Do you want me to actually ask, or was the sixth year more figurative than literal?”

Kathryn swallowed and he was immensely proud that she has some difficult doing so.

“I think you covered it all.”

“Good.”

And he kissed her again.

***

Some hours later, his body sated with pleasure, Chakotay pulled her into his arms and ran a hand over the bare skin of her back.

While his body was singing with contentment, his mind was dancing over their earlier conversation.

“Kathryn?”

“Hmmm?” She hummed her response, her body limp in satisfaction against him.

“Has Tom been teaching you twentieth century slang again?”

She laughed. “You’re a cracker.”

“Yep.” He nodded and kissed the top of her head, before settling down. “That’s what I thought.”

***

End