Substitute

Title: Substitute
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: ADULT
Summary: "What the hell was I thinking?"
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: Sex, language.
Prompt Number for fic101: 86 - Around
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Meat Loaf. Written for cara_mia. Unending thanks to

bowserbabe who did a fabby beta and very diplomatically informed me that “Yeah, I should add something else here, eh?” wasn’t a proper ending, no matter how amusing it was. Thanks hon. Any mistakes I made after her beta are my own!
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 29/03/07

***

And I know you need some time to run and hide
But the truth is hard to swallow
When you’re choking on your pride

***

"What the hell was I thinking?" She muttered, her voice low enough for Chakotay to hear but not loud enough to catch the attention of the rest of the Bridge crew as they worked.

"A minor malfunction." He defended.

"Well, that's the problem." Kathryn snorted in disgust at herself. "I've got a boyfriend who malfunctions."

"Tom and Harry'll fix him."

She didn't want to think about the possibility, and she really didn’t want to analyse her own feelings about the possibility, but... "And if they can't?"

"One piece of advice you've always given me," he shrugged a little. "Tell the truth."

Kathryn kept her gaze forward, imagining Michael in front of her. "Hate to break the news to you, Michael, but I'm a Starship Captain and you're a three hundred deciwatt holodeck program.” She shook her head and turned back to Chakotay. “I couldn't do it."

"In that case, you'll have to get creative." Chakotay returned. "Or get a flesh and blood person."

A light tinge began to stain her cheeks. "You know Starfleet's protocol on that as well as I do."

"I hardly think Starfleet expects you to live out your life without ever getting laid again."

Her mouth fell open in shock.

Chakotay had never been anything but supportive of her relationship with Michael and his sudden disapproval startled her. She wanted nothing more than to call him on it, but this wasn't the time or the place.

Flustered, she rose. "You have the Bridge."

When she made it into the Ready Room and the doors closed behind her, Kathryn spent a good five minutes trying to convince herself that she wasn't hiding from the accusation in his eyes.

***

Fastening the last button on her dress, Kathryn quickly smoothed down the bodice and inspected her hair in the mirror. She double checked her makeup before nodding to herself.

Yes, she looked the part of a Fair Haven local.

Though they hadn't yet solved the problem of appearing holograms, she wanted the chance to speak with Michael and, maybe, broach the subject of what she really did for a living and what they may be forced to do to him. Or at least see if she had the nerve to bring it up at all with him.

As she moved to slip her shoes on, her door chimed and she called for entry, already having a fair idea as to the identity of her visitor.

He was, if nothing else, predictable as hell. "Chakotay."

"Kathryn." He waved the PADD in his hand. "I thought you might like an update on our progress." He eyed the dress that she wore. "Though I see you were on your way to get one anyway."

She did not blush. "Yes, I was going to visit Fair Haven."

“Are you going to warn Michael that he might be erased soon?”

How could she possibly do that to him? Warn him of his potential impending death, for want of a better term. That would be just plain cruel.

When she opened her mouth to reply, Kathryn found the words stuck in the back of her throat, and the best that she managed was a strangled noise that was something akin to the sound of a distressed animal.

“Or do you just want one more roll in the hay before we flip the switch?”

She slapped him then, her inability to find words fleeing in a rush of anger. “What gives you the right to even think of questioning my personal life?”

“Would you like a diagram?” Chakotay caught her hand as she moved to strike him again, holding her wrist and pulling her forward, until she was flush against him. “Be nice, Kathryn.”

“Nice?” She hissed back. “Just what the hell do you think your doing?”

Two strong hands gripped her hips and ground their lower bodies forcefully against each other. Even through the thick layers of her heavy dress and his uniform, Kathryn could feel the hardness against her.

“Reminding you of what you’re missing out on.”

Her breath hitched in her throat but she ignored that and the friction happening below her waistline. “Jealous?”

“Of your talking vibrator?” He snorted. “Hardly.”

Talking vibrator?

It would have been amusing if it weren’t so insulting.

“So you’re considering it your duty to remind me of this, huh?” She raised her eyebrows defiantly, anger pooling in her eyes. “What makes you think I don’t already have this with Michael?”

“You’re not happy enough to be getting laid regularly.”

She had every intention of hitting him again - or maybe kneeing him in the groin if she wanted to be really cruel - but his mouth descended on the tender skin of her neck and she found herself curling her body closer to his, continuing the movement of her lower body even as his hands left her hips to tickle the small of her back.

In fact, she had every good intention of pushing him away from her and kicking his ass out of her Quarters, right up until his teeth sank into her neck and he pressed his lower body harder against hers, increasing the force behind their movements.

Good intentions or not, Kathryn moaned as he drew some kind of intricate pattern on her neck with his tongue.

She was panting - and she hated herself for it - and every breath was a struggle. His teeth, lips and tongue worked across her neck, behind her ear, along her jaw.

He tasted her, sucked at her, drank her in.

For as much as she both welcomed and willed away the sensation, she knew without doubt that she could easily come like this.

As that thought fluttered through her desire-ridden brain, he pulled back from her neck and hips and kissed her, once, chastely, before smiling. “Think about that with the hologram.”

A hard-on the size of the warp core or not, Chakotay turned and left without another word as Kathryn stood rooted to the spot, her mouth slightly open.

What the…?

He could not get her that fired up and then just casually walk out as though they had been discussing crew morale… could he?

Apparently he could.

Huh.

Stepping out into the corridor, Kathryn watched him enter his Quarters and was more than a little pleased to see that walking wasn’t exactly easy for him.

Forcing herself to take slow, deep, breaths, she nodded absently to the two Ensigns that walked by as she continued to stare at his closed doors.

Kathryn wasn’t sure if she should be going after Chakotay to give him a dressing down - and that produced a mental image or two - or if she should just ignore the thrum of desire pulsing through her body, as she so often did.

A small voice in the back of her mind threw the words of a small Irish town up in the air for debate, but Kathryn dismissed the thought automatically and couldn’t help but wonder if Chakotay had been right.

Was Michael a glorified vibrator?

She didn’t want to think so, but - and as much as she hated to admit it - Chakotay knew her well enough to know which punches would hit home and he had known that his vibrator comment would have done some damage.

But, by the same token, didn’t the blow have to have some element of truth to really hurt?

Damnit.

Kathryn sighed.

Regardless of what she did or didn’t feel for Michael, she had to smooth over her relationship with Chakotay if for no reason other than she would have to sit on the Bridge with him and she really didn’t want their last encounter to be at the forefront of her mind throughout her duty shift.

Not that it would be an entirely bad thought to have for nine - or more - hours, but she needed to concentrate on her work and not what her XO looked like naked.

Straightening her shoulders and bringing herself up to full height - which, really, wasn't all that impressive until she opened her mouth - Kathryn stalked down the corridor and calmly rang his chime.

When the doors opened, she stepped across the threshold and stopped short just inside at the sight of him.

Chakotay was standing at the entrance to his living room, shirtless, loose sweat pants hanging low on his hip as he leant causally against the doorframe.

Her eyes ran over his bare torso and she unconsciously licked her suddenly dry lips and she drank in the sight. He wasn't playing fair, she decided. She had come here to smooth over their relationship - to get them back to a comfortable level of professionalism after a momentary lapse in her Quarters - and he was standing there half naked, sending her thoughts into a tangent that didn't much go beyond a desire to lick as much of the golden skin that she could reach.

When Kathryn finally managed to force her eyes up to meet his - how long had she been staring? - she could see the amusement reflected in the dark gaze.

"I..." She coughed and tried to push her brain into sending a coherent sentence to her mouth, but it didn't seem to be happening.

For god's sake, Kathy, he's not the first shirtless man you've ever seen.

Chakotay folded his arms across his chest and effectively - thank god! - cut off half of her view. "Can I help you?"

"You had no right to come into my Quarters and speak to me like that." Well, if she had wanted a coherent sentence… that was certainly not what she'd been expecting.

Actually, she wasn’t sure what, exactly, she had been aiming for, but subtle would have been a nice place to start, she thought belatedly.

Chakotay stared at her, waiting patiently for her to continue, one eyebrow raised.

"And you shouldn't have said what you did about Michael." She finished quietly.

"Are you implying that I'm wrong?"

Well.

If he wanted to get technical...

"That's not the issue."

"I think it is.”

“My relationship with Michael is hardly any of your business.” She was silently alternating between praying that he’d put a shirt on before they continued this discussion and praying that the loose sweats would slip just a few inches lower.

Kathryn was almost - but not quite - afraid of which prayer would be answered.

“Do you really believe that, Kathryn?”

No. “Yes. I’m a grown woman-“

He grinned. “That you certainly are.”

She ignored the comment despite the slightly disconcerting ‘flop’ her insides did. “And my liaisons are no one’s concern but my own.”

Chakotay snorted. “Liaison is hardly the correct term, since we’ve already established that it’s a talking vibrator.”

“That’s not what Michael is at all.” And he wasn’t, she finally decided.

Despite being a hologram, he was still an interesting, witty, compelling and attractive man. He was a man that was free - and, perhaps more importantly, unafraid - to show his interest in her as nothing more than a woman. She didn’t have to be anyone but Katie with Michael.

It was just a shame that she had programmed him to be that way.

Chakotay was watching her again, waiting for her to elaborate - or maybe even storm out - and Kathryn was suddenly struck by the absurdity of the situation.

Here they were - her dressed for a visit to an Old Irish town and he dressed for bed. Or seduction, depending on how you looked at it - arguing about whether or not her holographic boyfriend was just a glorified vibrator or something more significant.

“Tell me something,” She finally said, taking a small step closer to him, “If you’re so adamant that Michael is nothing but a poor substitute, why are you so jealous?”

“I already told you I wasn’t jealous.”

“You’re acting like you are.” Kathryn waited, but he didn’t offer any excuses. “And, more than that, earlier you said something about me not being happy enough to be getting laid regularly. How does that work? Assuming that Michael is what you claim he is, of course.”

She was not going to call Michael a talking vibrator aloud.

He shrugged. “I’m assuming that you locked yourself out of the program before you tested those particular subroutines.”

Damnit, did everyone on the Ship know what she’d done to alter the program?

She sighed. “Why are you being such an ass about this?”

Chakotay shrugged again. “Why are you so sensitive? Unless, of course, there actually is something there that you’d rather the crew didn’t know about.”

“Again, what I do with my personal life is no one’s business but my own.”

“And yet, here you are, defending your position to me.” He clucked his tongue. “Guilty conscience, Kathryn?”

“Not where you’re concerned.”

In three quick strides, Chakotay closed the gap between them and pulled their bodies flush against each other again. One hand moved to hold her neck, caressing her hairline, while the other hand held her securely around the waist.

Her breath quickened and she forced herself to hold his gaze.

He looked down at her, eyes twinkling in sheer amusement. “Sure about that?”

“What does this prove?” Kathryn asked quietly, though she knew very well what it proved.

“It proves that you’re playing with photons and force fields in exchange for the real thing.”

Yep - that had been her guess too.

Bastard.

“We’ve been over this. Many times.”

“And you still like to think that there’s nothing between us.” He kissed her cheek quickly and she was hit with the sweet smell of his breath. “The denial was cute, at first, Kathryn, but it’s gotten old now.”

It would be so easy - too easy - to just lean forward and bring their lips together, ending years of torment for them both. It would be easy to just give in, just let nature take its course, just stop letting her life be dictated by a law that shouldn’t apply to people in their positions. But it would be wrong, too.

Easy, but still wrong.

“You’re asking me to abandon just about everything I believe in.” Her voice was quiet and she frowned.

“No,” Chakotay countered easily, “I’m asking you to try something new. Something that we both know you want.”

“Oh and you don’t.” She rolled her eyes.

There was a hardness against her belly again that told her exactly where his thoughts stood on the subject.

He shrugged against her and it did all sorts of interesting things. “I never said I didn’t want this. I simply chose not to push the issue.”

Kathryn almost missed the man that would back off whenever she showed any signs of being uncomfortable. She almost missed the man that was nothing if not kind and considerate of her feelings.

But, by the same token, this new, more forceful man made her shiver and curse her body’s betrayal of her mind. In the good way.

Double Damnit.

“Why now, then?” What had changed so dramatically?

“I’m pushing the issue because we both know that, if you haven’t done so already, you could easily get attached to Michael. I don’t want you hesitating to shut down the program because you’re worried about the safety of your lover.”

“So you think it would be easier if you were my lover.”

“Easier? No, probably not.” He admitted. “But definitely more fun.”

She snorted. “Yeah, for you.”

“Don’t pretend that it would be any great hardship for you.” His hand was still caressing her hairline and she shivered again. He grinned. “See?”

Kathryn frowned and narrowed her eyes.

It wasn’t fair that he was bringing her around to his way of thinking without really addressing any of her concerns.

There was the crew to consider - she couldn’t make decisions just about her personal life; her decision affected over a hundred other people - the status of the ship, what Starfleet would say when they got home, her own bad track record in relationships, his tendency to chase anything blonde with breasts…

No. They couldn’t do it.

She couldn’t do it.

As she came to the sad conclusion that she was either going to be alone for the rest of the journey, or restricted to holograms - damn the protocol that said she couldn’t make one of him - or the passing alien of the week, Chakotay stepped up his stealth attack on her protests.

Once again, his mouth found the skin of her neck, nipping lightly.

Though she intended to pull away and explain to him her reasoning for saying no again, Kathryn found herself tilting her neck, bearing more of her flesh to his hungry mouth. It seemed that she had no control when it came to him and she wasn't all that shocked.

She curled her body closer to his, breasts crushed against his chest, crotches pressing tightly together, his mouth working on the same area that he had attacked in her Quarters.

Briefly, the thought that she would bear his mark fluttered through her mind and Kathryn couldn’t honestly bring herself to feel anything other than territorial pleasure at the notion.

Though she was supposed to be saying no and having a potentially heartbreaking conversation with him, Kathryn didn’t protest when he separated their connection to work at the fiddly buttons on her dress.

In fact, while he worked at the buttons that covered her breasts - and she thought it sad that her nipples hardened as he touched her through the thick material - she started on the ones at the bottom of the bodice and met his hands halfway, their fingers tangling over the tiny dots until he gave up and pulled the last button off with a sharp tug.

His mouth never once left her neck.

She helped him push the dress off her shoulders - and quickly undid the zipper at the back because she couldn’t imagine that he was considering the possibility of its existence - until she was pressed against him once more, clad only in her underwear.

Sure fingers traced a pattern on the bare skin of her back, dancing along her spine, one vertebra at a time, until his hand cupped the back of her neck. It was then that he pulled away from her skin and met her eyes.

As she held his gaze, Kathryn thought for a moment that he might ask her if she was sure that she wanted to do this.

If he did, she knew that she would say ‘no’ and they actually would end up having a heartbreaking conversation, so she couldn’t really say she was all that disappointed when he simply lowered his lips to hers and claimed what had been his from the beginning; her.

His lips were warm and inviting as they covered hers, but they were both tense, well aware of how much was - potentially - riding on this and exactly how long they had both been fantasising about this very moment.

Sighing despite the slight awkwardness of their first kiss, she opened her mouth under his, letting him tease and taste her as she sucked his tongue into her mouth and drank in the sweet scent that she had smelt earlier.

One of her hands moved to cup his cheek, while the other wound around his waist and kept his body pressed against hers as he slowly walked them backwards, his mouth securely over hers, until they stopped at the edge of his bed.

Chakotay pulled back again to look at her and she could read a thousand questions that shone in his expressive eyes. None of which she had any desire to answer.

Ignoring the look, Kathryn pushed the sweat pants off his hips, fumbling as he moved to push her underwear down at the same time, his questions, apparently, abandoned for now.

They were little more than a tangle of arms and legs as they tripped out of the last of their clothing and fell, somewhat ungracefully, onto the bed, bare skin connected, hands running over the newly uncovered flesh.

Sighs and moans echoed throughout the room, mostly from her, as Chakotay ran his hands over every bit of exposed skin that he could reach. His touch tickled and aroused her all at once and she pushed her breast into his hand.

When his other hand met the wet flesh between her thighs, Kathryn cried out, pulling him closer to her, her body past the idea of formalities.

They shifted on the bed until he was cradled between her thighs. He entered her in one long thrust, stretching muscles that Kathryn had almost forgotten she’d ever owned.

Chakotay held still as she squeezed her eyes shut at the unfamiliar and slightly painful intrusion.

When she looked up at him, she could see the surprise on his face and Kathryn knew that he had just received his conformation that she hadn’t been with Michael. It was tempting to say something - probably something along the lines of ‘Ha! See!’ - but the sharp pain began to fade and she wiggled her hips a little. He took the hint and began to move with long, slow, thrusts.

Kathryn felt her brain officially give up the pretence of working.

It was more than just sex, more than the need for physical release. It was more than ending her long period of abstinence, more than just a warm body covering hers as they strained towards completion simply for the sake of getting off.

She knew that it was more than she’d ever had before.

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t a Holonovel brought to life. It was just them; together, connected, one, and it was everything that sent shivers of desire through her body.

The way he felt moving against her, in her, with her. The way the sheets were cool against her warm body. The flush that stained her otherwise white skin, warming her, warming him. The way her nipples had hardened and brushed against his hairless chest with every thrust. The feeling of being full, only to be replaced with an emptiness that left her with the desire to whimper in protest until he pushed forward again.

God, she could even smell him.

Him, her, them, and the scent tickled her nose. Desire, sweat, fulfilment, longing, sex, love, passion. It was all there, piercing the recycled air of the ship and marking his bedroom as theirs even as he marked her body as his.

All of it contributed to the orgasm that she could feel building. The pressure sung through her bloodstream, quickened her pulse and her breath, a long-missed feeling coiled into a tight spring of want in her belly.

And then it was gone and she was holding her breath or screaming or maybe just panting, she didn’t know. Kathryn felt her muscles clench around him as she shuddered, the tension leaving her stomach and the energy leaving her entire body.

Dimly, she could hear him crying out a strangled sound that may have been her name or may have been a prayer or may have just been the only thing he could muster as he came inside of her.

Her internal muscles continued to clench and unclench rhythmically around him and Kathryn knew that, if he moved, one of them was going to be sleeping in a wet spot and it wasn’t going to be her.

Holding his hips, she panted, trying to catch her breath.

Chakotay’s head fell forward, resting on her collarbone as he hissed out a breath every time she tightened around him.

Kathryn was aware that they would have to move at some point but, for now, she was quite happy to stay right where she was, her thoughts swirling around like a hazy mist and her breath coming in short pants.

“You OK?” Chakotay’s voice was rough, his words breathed out against her skin.

Kathryn held him tighter to her and, when she could think and breathe and process a coherent sentence again, she knew that there had been a list of damn good reasons why she was against them doing this, but she just couldn’t remember any of them.

She hummed. “I’m good.”

And for the first time in, perhaps, half a decade, she actually was.

***

End