Title: Home
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: Age
Friendly
Summary: Not everyone wants to get ‘home.’
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers:
None… the shows ended!
Warnings: None.
Prompt Number for fic101: 1 - Happy
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Midnight Oil.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not
mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 18/12/06
***
You take what you get
You
get what you please
It’s better to die on your feet
Then to live on your knees
***
I know that they
want to get home. I know that they want to return to their friends and family, their loved ones and their lives. I know that
everything we do on this Ship is done with the intent of brining us that one step closer to the Alpha Quadrant.
The
halls buzz with activity when we receive a data stream. People walk with PADD’s in their hands, heads down as they read
the words of those left behind. All news is welcome news, even the letters that speak of death, betrayal, hurt… it is
better than not knowing, that’s what they say.
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at
all? I don’t think so.
Every two months we’re given the chance to speak with a loved one.
The halls
buzz again, but with a different sort of activity. This time, its gleeful springs in the steps of those that get their three
minutes today. Their comrades share in the joy because if they haven’t had their three minutes yet, their number is
surely not far from being called.
When my number came up? I gave the chip away.
I have no one at home to talk
to – at least, no one that would
want to talk to me. I joined Starfleet with the expressed purpose of getting
away from my family, why would I want to call them and spend three uncomfortable minutes staring at the faces of people that
have been strangers for a decade?
Astrometrics is a complete no-go zone for me now. I don’t want to risk questions
being asked. People are grateful when I give them an extra chip but their eyes question me. Why would I give up the chance
to talk to my friends and family?
Perhaps because the people that I think fit into that category are on this Ship with
me.
Anyone that I want to speak to is just a comm. call away.
I’m happy here.
I like my job. I
like my friends. I like the routine. I like it all. I’m happy.
We all meet in Sandrine’s once a week for
a pool tournament. Sometimes the Captain comes and we get to watch her thrash everyone in style. There's a different atmosphere
in the room when she is there. We are more reserved with our comments, but we relish the chance to spend an evening in her
company.
Everyone wants to be with her.
Actually, everyone wants to be Commander Chakotay, because he gets
to be with her.
On my days off, I spend my time reading, socializing with friends and generally relaxing.
I
miss being able to walk on real, freshly cut grass. I miss the smell of non-recycled air. I miss the beach and the sand but,
beyond that, Earth holds little appeal for me.
Everything I miss can be found on shore leave or recreated on the holodeck.
It suits me fine.
I manage to make it through almost a year and a half of no contact. My chips are passed to
whomever I think wants it - never the same person twice, though - and no one sends me any letters.
Clearly, the feelings
I have about my blood-relations are mutual.
After a year and a half, though... The Captain sees me giving my chip to
Lieutenant Torres one night in Sandrine’s.
She waits until B'Elanna leaves to find Tom, he hand resting on her
protruding belly with the chip in her hands.
"Why did you do that?"
I shrug. "I thought that Lieutenant Torres
would appreciate it."
Everyone knows that her first trans-galactic call was to her father and they're trying to patch
things up. They've been speaking every now and then and I know she'd like the chance for an extra few minutes with him, even
if she won’t admit it.
When his wife isn't looking, Tom catches my eye and smiles gratefully and I know I've
done the right thing.
"What about your own family?" The Captain asks, bringing my attention back to her. She knows
that I am not married and that I have no children. "Surely they'll be disappointed that they have to wait another two months
to speak to you?"
"They can wait." I smile, trying to lessen the sting in my words. The Captain does not need to concern
herself with my dysfunctional family tree.
"How many more years?"
"Pardon?"
She passes her cue to Chakotay,
waving away the calls for her to take a shot. "You haven't made a call yet."
"How do you...?"
"I know a lot
more than I let on."
I sigh. This is not the conversation I wanted to have tonight. "It's better this way."
"I'm
sure they'd want to know you're OK."
"Starfleet would have sent them the official report. They know I'm alive." Everyone's
family was sent the official report, detailing what had happened to us - the non-classified parts, of course - and what we
are doing now. The family members of the deceased had been visited personally, I believe.
If my family didn't get an
officer on their doorstep, they know I'm alive.
"You don't want to talk to them?"
"To be honest... no." I know
it's hard for her to understand that. We all know that her calls are made to her mother and sister. She has a close bond with
them; she can't possibly understand my unending apathy towards the woman that spawned me.
"Perhaps you should try.
Mend the bridge between you, as they say."
I smile. "Maybe next cycle."
The Captain holds her hand out, an isolinear
chip resting in her palm. "Here."
"Captain... Thank you, but I can't..."
"Take it."
It's not an order,
but it almost sounds like one.
I'm struck by how much this woman cares for us, how much she's willing to give up for
us. I don't want it, I don't want to talk to anyone back 'home', but I take the chip anyway.
"Thank you."
"Tomorrow
at 1400 hours."
She smiles once at me, before finally answering the pleas for her to rejoin the game.
Chakotay
hands her the cue and I hear him mutter something about 'his stick' before she smiles and lines up her shot.
***
The
next day at 1400 hours, I find myself in Astrometrics.
Seven connects the call and an old woman appears on screen,
her face alight with surprise and, perhaps, joy?
"Hello mom..."
***
