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Emotions - Atlantis
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Title: Emotions
Author: Ky (Venom_69)
Fandom: Atlantis
Category: Angst, romance.
Pairing: ShWeir
Rating: Teens & Up.
Summary: Long-distant relationships are hard; intergalactic ones are a real bitch.
Archive: My site. Anywhere else, sure, just let me know where so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them. Song’s not mine either. That would be th Bee Gee’s – “Emotions”
Author’s notes: Spoilers for 38 Minutes & Coup D'Etat. Written because I wanted to.
Date: 26/04/06
Copyright to Venom, 2006

***

It’s just emotions
Taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
Lost in a song

***

Elizabeth sat at her desk, computer beeping quietly as she worked. Her eyes and hands acted almost automatically, her mind was absent from the task in front of her.

She looked up as she heard footsteps and smiled, slightly, as John walked in.

“The coup was successful.” He smiled back at her. “Ladon Radim is the new leader of the Genii.” John perched himself of the edge of her desk, as he often did.

“Wow, that was fast. “

John shrugged. “Well, once people found out Cowen and his elite guard were out of the picture, his loyalists laid down their weapons. They're billing it as a bloodless coup 'cause no-one died on their home soil.”

“So a nuclear explosion and the lives of an entire battalion of men don't count?” She raised an eyebrow.

The words “You have just forfeited Colonel Sheppard’s life” rang in her ears but she ignored them.

“Yeah, it's all spin. What do you think the fallout's gonna be?”

Elizabeth thought for a moment. “Well, historically, most coups end up with the new government being about as bad as the old one.”

“I don't know. He seemed pretty grateful we saved his sister.”

“There's that.” She nodded, slightly.

“He did save me and my team.”

Thank God. “There's that too.”

“So I say we call it a win.”

“Who's spinning now?”

“Alright. Then I say we call it a night.” John moved off the edge of her desk and turned towards the door.

Elizabeth smiled again. “That we can do!”

She turned back to the computer before her and the folder that was currently displayed on her screen. She knew that it needed her attention – didn’t everything these days? – but she really didn’t have the heart for it. She was too distracted and she knew she would only end up making careless mistakes that would take her too long to fix tomorrow morning.

She should follow John’s example and call it a night.

Sigh.

Saving the program that she was in, Elizabeth shut down the computer and put everything away. Standing, she tugged her top back into place and left her office, shutting the lights off as she went.

Walking through the city to her living quarters, she smiled and nodded at the people she passed, but didn’t stop long enough for any of them to engage her in conversation. Her brain actually hurt, she couldn’t face helping anyone with any kind of crisis.

Unless the city was about to blow up/sink again/be hit with some sort of natural disaster or be attacked, Elizabeth Weir wasn’t interested.

There was a big thick comforter waiting for her in her quarters and she intended to take full advantage of it’s warmth throughout this cold evening.

She reaches her room quickly, not really remembering much of the walk there. It doesn’t bother her though, she feels safe in this City now. Unless she’s being held hostage, that is.

When the door closes behind her, Elizabeth let’s out a large sigh. Uncaring of the fading light in the room, she pulled her uniform off, unhooking her bra and pulling it out from underneath the tank top. The thin white top and panties were no protection against the slight breeze from her open window, but Elizabeth ignored it.

Sliding under the covers, she moved to the center of the bed, into the warmth.

Wriggling around until she was comfortable, Elizabeth sighed happily.

***

She lies with her head over his heart, every steady beat a haunting reminder of what she almost lost today and she thinks this is why I was so reluctant to get involved!

Elizabeth remembers the briefing that she went through before they departed Earth. She remembers several superiors – military and civilian – telling her not to get too close to the people that she commanded. They told her that there would be casualties and it wouldn’t eat away at her soul if she weren’t too involved.

It was easy, at first.

From a platonic standpoint, they were all too busy setting the City up and far too aware of the necessary boundaries that they needed in place to protect themselves. There was never any real time to form friendships.

Romantically, Elizabeth watched as a few formerly unattached people paired up – whether for a relationship or casual sex, she doesn’t know – and, for her, Simon’s image would always spring to mind whenever she briefly entertained the idea of finding someone else in the city.

And then there was John Sheppard.

Everything that she was positive she didn’t want.

She‘s almost certain that, had she let it, Simon’s face would have continued to silently guard her.

But even before she knew that Simon had met someone else, John’s face had slowly begun to creep into her thoughts with an alarming frequency. She would look at John, temptation and lust in one tall package, and Simon’s face would spring to mind.

Only one day, she wasn’t certain what Simon looked like.

Were they his brown eyes that she was imagining?

Or were they the darker, more expressive eyes of a man she wasn’t allowed to want?

It wasn’t until John had got that thing stuck to his neck that Elizabeth had really begun to entertain the idea of “them.”

The fear of loosing him, never having him, had been too real.

He, apparently, had felt the same and thus their game of silent seduction began.

That game lasted far too long, she thinks.

Subtle touches, thousands of words unsaid, lingering gazes and sleepless night.

Too much, with everything else that they had to face on a daily basis.

They didn’t become lovers until Elizabeth returned from Earth, heartbroken and defeated.

She may have wanted John before then, but her life – the last few years, anyway – had been built around Simon and no matter how much temptation her 2IC presented, she just wasn’t prepared to give up the life she and Simon had created for themselves.

Hearing him tell her that he had moved on, found someone else, had been like a sharp punch in her gut.

That night, she had returned to the place that she now thought of as Home, fallen into bed and cried. She doesn’t really remember how long she’d lain there, alone, tears falling across her nose and onto the pillow, but at some point, John had come to her bed and held her.

Simon’s new partner had meant that John was one step closer to what he wanted, but he had held her as she sobbed and said “I’m sorry” anyway.

Hearing him whisper that in the dark, his body curled protectively around hers, strong arms around her, had been enough to convince Elizabeth that she was crying more for the lost normalcy more than her relationship with Simon. Her relationship with him had all but been over the moment she’d said “yes” to leading a team to Atlantis.

Long-distant relationships are hard; intergalactic ones are a real bitch.

Her musings are interrupted by his soft voice. She feels the vibrations in the skin under her ear before she actually hears the words. “What are you thinking about?”

“The first night you slept here.” That night, her heartbreak, was well over a year ago and John hasn’t slept in his own bed since.

“What about it?”

She ignores his question, whispering her confession, her weakness, into his chest. “I was so scared today.”

“Me too.”

“I thought he’d killed you.”

“He didn’t.” One of his hands is rubbing soothing patterns across her back, the other is playing with a few strands of her hair. Elizabeth suspects that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

“But he could have.” She sucks in a deep breath, unsure of why she is nervous. “And I don’t know how I could live without you anymore.”

John sighs and kisses her hair.

If he feels the droplets of saltwater that fall onto his chest, he doesn’t say anything. “I don’t have any answers for you, Elizabeth… But if it’s any consolation, I’m not too fond of the idea of living without you either.”

That makes her feel marginally better, and she snuggles closer to him.

***

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