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Title: Until then
Author: Venom_69
Parings: Jack/Other Sam/Jack
Date:
23-7-2002
~*+*~
Challenge #1,876 (Added May 15, 2002)
This is for all you music lovers out there! I challenge
YOU to write a
story that includes at least thirty song titles. You can't mention them
as a song like: Jack likes Aerosmith's
"Just Push Play." You have to
mention it in the context of the story, like: They ran to the gate at such
a speed that
after arriving at the SGC, they were "Breathless." Got it?
Good. Have a fun time and e-mail me a copy!
Submitted by
Pilla
The songs that I used are listed at the end of the fic, and are some
of my favorites.
~*+*~
He
turns away from me.
He walks back to her.
The phrase 'home ain't where his heart is anymore' suddenly springs
to
mind.
I watch as the man I thought I loved turns away from me, to go back
to her. I don't think he even realised
that I was speaking to him,
explaining to him how we got here. I don't think he actually cares what
Daniel and Teal'c
are thinking.
What about me? I want to scream at him, call him things that would
sound repulsive rolling off my
tongue, but all I can do is stare, men
are always breaking my heart. I mutter something, probably
incoherent, to Daniel
about him being okay and he replies, but I don't
hear it. All I hear is the sound of my blood flowing through my body,
my
heart beating faster than normal and slowly, but surely, the sleep
deprivation is beginning to catch up with me.
I
should have taken a nap before we came.
It may have been a good idea if I'd eaten as well. Contrary to current
popular
belief around the SGC, I haven't been starving myself for the
past three months. Siler would bring me a sandwich at least
once a
day, whether or not I ate it was my choice. Janet brought me coffee,
thank god! I'm not sure what fuelled me
on more; The coffee or the
thought of losing someone I cared about. I just know that I was
determined to get him back
and my health wasn't exactly high on my
list of priorities for a few months.
I know that I shouldn't listen, eavesdropping
isn't exactly something
that would look good on a resume, but I can't help myself. I listen as
they talk, standing mere
inches from one another. "You must be
happy to be going home?" I hear her ask.
The Colonel doesn't miss a beat.
"No, I'm not." He replies and I turn
my head, demanding that no tears fall.
I should have left him here, I should
have never thought about
building the particle beam accelerator in the first place. But most of
all, I should never
have fallen in love with him. I guess I shouldn't
really be surprised, he's another one from the lunatic fringe that I
could
fall for.
I knew that I had made an impulsive decision when I came to the SGC.
They gave me a whole day to pack,
get all of my affairs in order and
organize a plane and get to Colorado. If I was late for the briefing
then I would
have to miss out, again. I wasn't going to miss out on
the opportunity of a lifetime, but sometimes I wonder. . . Life
would
have been a lot different without the Stargate. Although I suppose
Dad would have still got me into NASA, but
he'd be dead.
I turn back to face my superior and his new . . . girlfriend? Is that the
correct terminology? "You
could come back with me?" I hear the
Colonel ask, his voice hopeful. He asked her to come to Earth?
Hmm . . . yeah,
that'd work. I'd like to see her reaction to cars,
television or even a shower! It would probably be even more
entertaining
than the movies.
"My place is here." She smiles, sadly. I glance back over my shoulder
to look at the path that
we had traveled, wishing that we could leave. I
think that I actually want to go back to the SGC, despite over three
months
of confinement there.
They briefly embrace and the Colonel walks back towards us and
we follow him on the journey
to the Stargate, in silence.
After a few minutes of the uncomfortable silence between us, Daniel
speeds up his pace
to fall in stride with the Colonel, and even though
I know that I shouldn't, I once again listen as they talk. "You invited
her
back?" Daniel asks, surprised.
"What would you do?" He snaps back.
"Not take it out on my friends for a start."
Daniel returns, slowing his
pace again and letting the Colonel lead us in silence once more.
We make it to the 'Gate
in record time and I suddenly feel very tired,
and exhausted. I'm sure that it's become harder to breathe and I find
myself
wheezing. Daniel must notice because he comes over to me
and places a brotherly hand on my are. "Are you okay?" He asks,
concerned.
"Yeah.
My heart will go on." I joke, sucking in air. My lungs seem to
be screaming for more oxygen to be sent to my deprived body.
"I
meant physically." He amends.
I nod, still wheezing and he doesn't look convinced. The 'Gate is now
open and the
GDO code has been sent so we walk through and
Daniel escorts me to the infirmary. I don't think the Colonel, or
anyone
else, noticed our departure.
As soon as we stepped through, a sea of people came to congratulate and welcome us back.
They try to welcome a man back, who quite obviously didn’t want to return.
Janet looks up at us as soon as we
enter and swept me onto the
nearest gurney, obviously as worried as Daniel. Why can't I breathe?
"Janet?" I gasp, still
trying to fill my lungs.
"Just relax." She commands quietly, beginning her exam.
~*+*~
It's sometime
later when I wake. I glance at the clock on the wall and
realise that I've been asleep for over an hour. I groan and roll
over,
my eyes resting on the white dividing curtain between the beds. The
Infirmary is fairly quiet, with the exception
of a few lone heart
monitors beeping. I can hear footsteps walking through the door -
heavy footsteps.
"Doc!"
The Colonel calls. Great, I thought the General would have
kept him long enough for me to get the hell out of here. Three
months
of being stuck in this mountain is making me claustrophobic,
despite the fact that I was here of my own free will.
"Yes?"
Janet calls, and obviously realises whom she's talking to
because the next thing I hear from her is a very gruff, "Welcome
back."
"Yeah.
Can I get my physical over with, I want to get home?" He
asks, sitting on the gurney next to me, the light behind him outlining
his
silhouette on the curtain.
"You'll have to wait." Janet tells him.
"Why?" He asks, irritated. I understand that
he wants to get home,
but some of us were productively working for the past three months,
not touching up our tans or
getting up close and personal with the
natives.
"Because, Colonel, I have another patient to release first." She
grits
out. Janet is obviously in no mood to argue.
"Hey." I greet, trying to go unnoticed by the Colonel. I don't
need him
to hear my current medical conditions, not that he'd be interested
anyway.
Janet smiles. "Hey, as of
now you are under strict orders to go home
and get some sleep. I mean it, Sam." She tells me, her normally
friendly
tone replaced by her 'doctor' voice.
"What are you going to do? Chain me to the bed?" I ask, trying to
lighten the
mood.
"If that's what it takes." She replies seriously.
The Colonel grunts from the bed next to me and suddenly
the
dividing curtain is roughly pulled back and he looks at me angrily.
"Look Carter, she wants you to get some sleep,
so go home, get a
good night's rest and we'll see you in the morning." He shrugs.
"No big deal, now can we get this
physical over with?" He asks,
missing the angry glare that Janet sends him.
"Do you even care about her?" Janet
asks angrily. "Do you even
know how hard she worked? It isn't as simple as a good night's
sleep Colonel, maybe two months
ago it would have helped, but one
good night won't undo all of the damage that Sam has done to
herself. Done to get
*you* home!" She shouts and I think I feel
myself blushing. I send a silent plea for Janet to stop talking.
"Damage?"
He asks skeptically. "Carter always works too hard, and
she bounces back after a good night's sleep!" He yells back and
I
can't help but wonder if they even know that I'm still in the room, or
anyone else for that matter.
"Works
too hard? Jesus, you arrogant son of a . . . read her damn
medical file!" She shouts at him, throwing my files onto his
bed.
"No!" I cry, grabbing the file before anyone else can move.
Woah! Shouldn't have done that. The world is
spinning . . . my head
feels like it's on fire . . . I can't focus on anything in the room . . . who
turned out all
of the lights . . .
~*+*~
I groan as my head pulsates. What happened? One minute Janet
and Colonel O'Neill
were arguing over my medical files and the next
thing . . . well, that's a little hazy at the moment.
"You're awake."
Janet smiles, sitting in the chair next to my bed.
Isn’t she astute. "Can I go?" I plead, wanting nothing more
than to curl up in my own bed.
"Do you want to know what's going on with you?" She asks, looking
at my file again.
"That's
depends. Are we alone?" I ask and Janet catches the double
meaning of my words. If the Colonel is here than I can wait
to hear
what she has to say.
"Yes, we're alone." I nod and Janet begins to read. "You're
underweight, slightly
anaemic, you're blood pressure is too high and
you're body is trying to tell you that unless you start to take better
care
of it then it's going to shut down. What happened today on
Edorra is nothing compared to what you'll go through if you
don't look
after yourself. I know that you wanted to get the Colonel back, but he
hasn't even thanked you. He doesn't
even know what you did, and
how determined you were. Don't let how you feel about him affect
your judgement." Janet
tells me, 'Doctor' voice back on and in full
force.
Suddenly another voice can be heard coming from the other side
of
the curtain. I recognize it as one of Janet's intern's. "Colonel O'Neill,
can I help you?" She asks and I freeze,
my body going stiff as a
board. He heard everything.
Suddenly I'm very breathless again. Perfect. Just perfect.
Janet
sends me an apologetic look, cringing a little as she realises what
the Colonel heard.
"I'm here to see
Doctor Fraiser." He replies, and I have to wonder if
he did hear what Janet said.
"Colonel, you can wait in my office."
Janet calls out and I smile my
thanks at her for giving me the chance to escape any form of contact
with him.
"I'm
sorry." She whispers.
"It's alright. Can I go home now?" I plead, running my fingers through
my hair. God, when
was the last time I washed it? Or brushed it for
that matter. I'm almost certain that there's something growing in the
dirty
strands. I'm surprised people have come anywhere near me over
the last three months, showering wasn't a very frequent thing
for a
while there.
"Yes, you'll have a week off and if I catch you on this base during that
time then you are
going to be very, very sorry." She orders and I
can't help but smile at her concern.
"Okay." I shrug.
"Wanna
talk about it?" Janet offers.
"I don't know. I guess things just seem very ironic at the moment." I
tell her, chewing
on my bottom lip. Suddenly my hands look very
interesting.
"Why?" Janet asks, sitting on the bed next to me.
"Well,
I wanted to get the Colonel back, and when I did, he wasn't
happy about it. So in a way, I got what I wanted but not the
*way* I
wanted. It's just. . . "
"Ironic." Janet finishes with me, and I can't hold back a sigh.
"You want
some company later? My shift finishes in three hours, and
Cassie's still on her school trip." She proposes and I have to
admit
the thought of getting drunk and bagging the Colonel out is very
appealing at the moment.
"Sure, that'd
be great. Thank you." I reply, smiling.
"I'll bring the wine." Janet winks at me and disappears from the room
with
a wave.
I pick up my jacket and head to the locker rooms for a quick shower
before I head home for a nap, my body
protesting the whole way. I
see the sympathetic smiles that are thrown my way as I walk. I have to
wonder what people
are thinking, I never admitted any feelings about
the Colonel to anyone except Janet, and she refuses point blank to
gossip.
No one needs to know how I feel, and they'll never hear it
from me.
Especially not the Colonel.
~*+*~
I
sigh, I can't sleep.
I just hope that when Janet comes over I'll be able to drink myself
into oblivion, and hopefully
pass out. Probably not the best way to
get a good night's sleep, but I'll take whatever I can get at the
moment.
I've
been laying on my bed for the last two hours, staring at my
ceiling. I have sixteen holes where the paint has chipped off,
not
something that a woman with a PHD in astrophysics needs to know.
I roll over as my cat jumps up on the bed.
I should name him one
day. I was going to call him Jack, but at this moment then I'd probably
be tempted to neuter him,
a fate that he doesn’t deserve just
because of his name.
Watching as my cat arches his back as I stroke him,
I can't help but
remember what I want out of a man. Someone who's caring, attentive
and can hold a strong conversation.
If I stick with my cat then I could
have that. Well, almost that. And anyway, two out of three ain't bad.
There's
a knock at my door and I pull myself off the bed, leaving a
very disappointed cat in my wake. I stumble down the hallway
and
head towards the general direction of my door.
I pull it open to see Janet standing there, still in uniform,
with a bottle
of - quick glance at the label - expensive wine in each hand. Only
Janet would buy the most expensive
wine that she could find, and
usually one with the most alcohol content in it. "Hey." I greet, stepping back to
allow
her entrance.
She smiles and kicks off her shoes. "Wanna get plastered?" She
asks.
I grin. "You took the
words right out of my mouth. Do you want
something more comfortable to put on?" I offer, remembering
numerous curses
that we've sent to whomever designed USAF
uniforms.
"I have a spare change of clothes in the car. I'll go and grab
them."
She tells me, dropping the wine on my kitchen counter before
dashing back out of the door.
"Always come
prepared?" I laugh as she brings in her overnight bag.
"Always." She confirms and I glance at the size of her bag.
Overnight
bag? More like a weekend bag.
"Do you have everything but the kitchen sink in there?" I ask,
amused.
"Hey,
it's all or nothing." She smiles.
"Bathroom's that way." I remind her, pointing towards the room next
to my bedroom.
I
open a few of my cupboard's in search of two wine glasses, slightly
surprised that I can even remember where I keep anything.
I haven't
been home in a while. I open the cupboard above my refrigerator
and spot several formal glasses that belonged
to my mother in there.
Pulling out two glasses, and two shot glasses just in case, I open my
cutlery drawer and
rummage through it in search of a cork screw.
Damn, I don't have one. I *so* need to go shopping, my ‘fridge is
practically
empty and try as I might, I can't live off pizza.
"I though that you might need this." Janet says from behind me and
I
turn to see her holding a cork screw in her hand, a smile plastered on
her face.
"Thanks. If you needed a cork
screw to open a beer bottle then I'd
have hundreds of them by now." I laugh, opening the wine and
pouring us both a
glass. I follow Janet into my lounge room and we
sit on the couch. I flick the stereo on with the remote control and take
a
long sip of my wine.
"Did you see the Colonel before you left?" Janet finally asks me,
tucking her feet up under
the rest of her body.
"Yeah." I nod. "It wasn't that bad, he didn't see me."
"He kept asking me about you."
Janet tells me, watching for my
reaction.
"Really?" I ask, trying to act nonchalant. Janet sees through my
emotionally
detached face and just smiles understandingly at me.
"Yes, I believe that his exact words were, 'For crying out loud,
what's
wrong with Carter?' But he said it with that charm of his." She tells
me, impersonating the Colonel remarkably
well.
"Charm my ass." I mutter, pouring us both more wine.
I watch as Janet studies the yellow liquid in her
glass intently for a
minute. "This isn't strong enough." She comments.
I grin and jump up off the couch, heading
back into the kitchen. I
open the cupboard that held the wine glasses and pull out a large
wooden brown box. Closing
the door, I walk back into the
lounge room with the box in hand. I hand Janet the box and walk over
to the credenza
near my television set.
I pull out a key from the pot plant that rests on my television set and
open the cabinet
to reveal a large selection of liquor. Pulling out
seven tall bottles I set them on the table in front of my friend. She
stares
at them for a moment before looking at me.
"Strong enough?" I ask, smiling at the agape look on her face.
"Definitely.
What's in the box?" She asks.
"Open it." I command quietly, lining up the bottles on the table.
Janet opens
the box and looks at the contents. "Shot glasses?" She
asks, one eyebrow raised.
"Twenty." I agree.
Janet
studies the design for a moment. "Australia?" She asks.
"Yep. Dad got posted there when I was a teenager. We were only
down
there for a few months, but I did a lot of shopping." I smile at
the memory.
"Is it that good?"
"It's not
so much that it's that good, a lot of it is stuff that I could have
gotten over here, but the monetary conversion makes
it cheaper in
comparison. Dad brought that set just before we came back over
here. He gave it to me when he went to
live with the Tok'ra." I explain,
sitting back on the couch.
"Nice." She comments, nodding her head before handing
the box
back to me.
I set out a row of seven shot glasses for Janet and then do the same
for myself. Picking
up the first bottle with the clear liquid in it, I pour a
shot for Janet and then another for myself.
"Shall we
dance?" I ask, smiling.
"What?" She asks, confused.
"The deal is that you pour one shot of each colored Sambuca
and
then down them one by one in a row." I explain, pouring the rest of
the shots.
Janet's eyes widened and she
quietly listed the colors to herself as
I pour. "Clear, yellow, orange, red, blue, green, black. Are you sure
about
this Sam?" She asks me, apprehension lacing her tone.
"It's strong, that's what you wanted." I point out, grinning.
"Besides,
we are only going to do the Sambuca dance once. I had a friend who
did it three times in a row and he almost
died from alcohol
poisoning." I tell her and watch as the emotions play over her face.
Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned
the experience that my friend had.
"Okay. I'll try anything once." She shrugs, and I can't help but smile at
the
nervousness in her voice.
I smile reassuringly at her and we down the shots one by one. Janet
makes a repulsed face
as she swallows the last shot. I grin and
swallow the black shot, shaking my head as the liquid slides down my
throat,
leaving a trail of fire in it's wake.
"You're crazy." Janet coughs, shaking her head in a futile attempt to
get
her voice to return to normal.
"Not crazy, just . . . annoyed." I correct her.
"Ah . . . the Colonel." Janet
nods, her voice now sounding more like
hers.
"You know, all I really want is a thank you." I tell her.
"Think
you'll ever get it?" She asks.
I snort a small amount of laughter and shake my head. "Not likely, you
know what
the Colonel is like." I shrug.
"Would you be happier if you'd been in a relationship with him before
he got stranded?"
She queries.
I stare at her for a moment. Who said anything about a relationship?
"No," I shake my head. "I would've
been in too deep if we had been
in a relationship. As it is I worked hard enough." I tell her and Janet
nods, pouring
herself another glass of wine.
"Ever think of asking him out?"
"No, remember regulations?" I ask, sarcasm lacing
my tone. "And
besides I'd need a reason to believe that this wouldn't happen
again."
"Love hurts!" Janet declares
and I stare accusingly at her.
"I'm not in love with him!" I protest, pouring myself another glass of
wine.
"Ooh,
you're in love!" She replies, pouring more wine into her empty
glass.
I growl at her. "I am *not* in love with .
. ." I trail off as a realisation hits
me. I never really contemplated it before, but I *do* love Colonel
O'Neill and
I *am* in love with him.
"Told ya!" Janet grins. I guess I said that last part aloud. Stupid
alcohol, all it does
is give you a hangover and make you loose in the
tongue.
"So what if I do love him?" I ask. "It's not like he feels
the same way."
I shrug, the colonel sees me as nothing more than a subordinate, a
friend, someone to save his sorry
ass. . .even if it is cute.
"Hypothetically speaking," Janet starts, pausing to take a mouthful of
her drink. "What
would you say if I told you that the Colonel
accidentally saw some of your medical file and knows how hard you
worked
to get him back?" She asks and I cringe.
"You didn't, please tell me that you didn't?" I beg.
"*Hypothetically*
speaking." Janet repeats.
"Then if he *hypothetically* saw my medical file, I would wonder how
he got to it, and
what he saw." I answer, finishing off my glass of wine
before opening the next bottle. If we don't slow our drinking down,
we'll
be back to the Sambuca in no time.
"Okay, then continuing this hypothetical train of thought, I would think
that
he got it without the permission of your doctor."
"Which is you." I point out.
"This is hypothetical, Sam. And
if he read it, then I'd say that he saw
some of the current medical conditions that you have due to how
hard you worked."
She replies, and I think about what she said for a
moment.
"Then I would tell this hypothetical doctor of mine that
I appreciate
his or her carelessness with my medical file. If the Colonel has read
it then maybe I'll get my thank you."
I answer.
"Good." Janet nods and we sit in silence for a minute, sipping our
wine. Some nameless tune is playing
on the radio in the background,
which neither of us are really listening to anyway.
"Hey Sam." Janet calls, bringing
me out of my Colonel-filled
thoughts.
"Yeah?" I mumble, turning to look at her once more.
"The Colonel saw
your medical file." Janet tells me, waiting for my
reaction.
"Okay." I shrug. There's no point getting annoyed about
it, not like I
could change it. Actually, if I could turn back time then I think I'd still let
him read it. "Hey Janet."
I call.
"Yeah?" She mutters, turning to look at me once more.
"Thank you." I smile.
Janet grins. "Is
it just me, or are you lonely tonight?" She asks,
thoughtfulness plainly displayed on her features.
"Yeah." I sigh.
"Do you think he loved her?" I ask. Janet already
knows all about the native from Edorra. What was her name? Lana?
Lairs?
Anyway, I told her about the Colonel and whatever her name
is.
"Oh well, it must have been love if they had those
three precious
months together!" Janet declares sarcastically, raising her arms
above her head for emphasis.
"Is
that a no?" I joke, smiling.
"Sam, he's been crazy about you for three and a half odd years, three
months won't
change that. He's got the look." She tells me.
"What look?" I ask, wondering if now is a good time to stop Janet
from
having anything else to drink.
"The look of faithfulness." She explains.
"Oh. Since when has there been a look?"
I ask.
"Since Jack O'Neill met you." She decides with a nod of her head
and a gulp of her wine.
"Humph."
I sigh. "Another brick in the wall." I mutter.
"What?" She asks, once again confused.
"When I was in college
my friends said that I should have a whole
wall dedicated to me. A wall with the name of every man I have ever
dated
or fallen for on each of the bricks. So hence the saying,
another brick in the wall." I explain.
"If I could, I'd
find you a nice man to love." She tells me.
"Janet, I found someone, I just can't have him." I reply.
"Hypothetically
speaking." She starts and I groan. "What would you
do if I were to call the Colonel right now and tell him to get his sorry
ass
over here and apologize for the way he treated you?" She asks.
"Give you a pat on the back." I blurt and before I have
a chance to
protest, Janet is up off the couch like a bat out of hell and is heading
for my phone.
"Janet. .
." I call but she ignores me and hits the speed dial for the
Colonel's house.
"Hi Jack, it's Janet here." She starts.
"I'm fine thank you, I was just
ringing to tell you to get your sorry ass over to Sam's house and
apologize for the
way you treated her." She commands and I cringe,
he will not be happy camper. "Fine Colonel, we'll see you then." And
she
hangs up with a satisfied smile plastered on her face.
I groan and cover my face with my hands. "That was a *hypothetical*,
Janet!"
"Well
then, you can just pretend that what I did was still hypothetical
and give me that pat on the back you were talking about."
She
declares, and flops back onto the couch, still smiling.
~*+*~
Twenty minutes later and we're still sitting
here, discussing hair of all
things. I can hear the doorbell ringing, even over the torrential rain
that's pouring down
outside, but unless what small part of Janet's
brain that is still sober hear's it then I'm just going to ignore the
sound.
I know who's there, and I didn't invite him, so I refuse to let
him in. Maybe Janet wont notice.
"You're gonna make
me get it, aren't you?" Janet asks, her speech
slurred. Who's idea was it to break out the Scotch? Probably mine.
"Yep."
I reply.
She groans and half-stands, half-rolls off the couch and stumbles
towards the door. I can hear her bumping
into objects on the way to
the door, and I'm just about to warn her about the vase in the hall
when I here a loud crash
and the distinct sound of porcelain breaking.
"Sorry!" She calls out and I grumble. I never liked that vase anyway,
Jonas
gave it to me . . . come to think of it, I should have thrown the
damn thing at him when he hit me.
"Colonel." Janet
greets.
"Doc. Where's Carter?" He asks, stomping into my house, no doubt
with muddy boots on. I'll make him clean
it up if he's tracked mud
through the carpet and all over the floor.
He walks into the living room and looks at
me with a raised eyebrow.
I have no doubt that I don't exactly look my best. I'm sprawled out on
the couch with my feet
on a beanbag, my hair is everywhere and
there are numerous bottles of alcohol lining the coffee table. Some
of them
are empty, some have a little left in them, the Sambucca's
haven't been touched again. I don't think that Janet will go
near them
again for a while.
"Carter." The Colonel acknowledges.
"Colonel." I return, not bothering to move.
I don't want him here so I'm
not going out of my way to make him comfortable.
"Sit down, Colonel." Janet orders,
stumbling to the armchair. I glare at
her, she took the armchair so there is only one place for the Colonel to
sit -
next to me of course.
He flops down and looks at Janet, and then at me. "Why am I here?"
He asks.
Janet opens
her mouth to reply, but I jump in first. "Colonel, you're
here because Janet has some crazy idea that you need to apologize
to
me. Just a drunken woman's delusions." I say and Janet sends me
a disapproving look.
"No, Colonel." She starts,
giving me a look that clearly says; Shut up.
"You are here because you were an ass to Sam and you should
apologize."
She declares, and promptly passes out.
I sigh and look at my friend . . . the Tequila slammers were probably a
little
too much for her . . . I'm actually surprised that I'm still standing.
My alcohol tolerance has never been very good .
. . okay it's better
than Daniel's, but that boy can't drink to save himself. I giggle a little
at the thought of Daniel
being drunk.
"Something funny?" The Colonel asks.
I shake my head, unable to stop the giggles that escape. "No,
just
thinking." I mutter, still smiling.
"I'm sorry. Is that what you wanted to hear?" He asks, sighing.
"No.
Not if you're only saying it to shut Janet up." I reply. It's the truth .
. . I don't want an apology from him if he doesn't
mean it.
"The Doc is right, I was an ass." He admits. I wonder who turned on
the light. He didn't seem to think
he was doing anything wrong when
he was inviting his latest playmate back to Earth. Maybe he and
Captain Kirk would
be great friends, but Kirk would never invite a one
night stand to join him on the Enterprise . . . I'm sure that there
is
someone else who the Colonel could relate to out there . . . I can see
it now; Jack O'Neill, the next Don Juan.
I
decide to play dumb in regards to his sentence. "Why do you say
that you're an ass?" I ask, pure innocence displayed on
my face.
"I wasn't exactly grateful that you came to get me, all I could think
was that my life had been turned
upside down again. I should have
looked on the bright side." He shrugs.
"What was the bright side?" I ask, pouring
us both a glass of Scotch -
I seem to have several bottles of that in my liquor cabinet.
"I'm alive." He points
out and I snort. Yeah, you're alive only because
we can't help bad luck. I'm bitter, I know.
"You could've stayed."
I shrug, sipping the Scotch. You'd think that I
would have already consumed enough alcohol throughout the course
of
the evening to be numb enough to stay insouciant for this
conversation.
"Yeah, but the population wasn't big enough
to form any type of real
hockey competition." He jokes and God help me, I laugh. I don't
know why I always laugh at
his jokes . . . most of them are completely
ridiculous to anyone else.
"And I suppose they were lacking on the beer
and peanuts, too?" I
return, laying my head on his shoulder.
He nods and smiles a little. "I missed you." He confesses,
so quietly
that I almost miss the admission.
I almost don't want to return the sentiment. . .even if I did, nothing
will
ever come of it. That's probably part of the attraction, something
about when the wrong one loves you right. He's
so very wrong, but
being with him feels so very right. "I missed you too." I finally reply,
letting our fingers entwine.
"It
can never happen for us, can it?" He asks, resting his head on
mine.
I feel tears of frustration and exhaustion
begin to well. So much for
my insouciant exterior. How can I answer that? No matter how mad
at him I am at this moment,
all I can feel is the relief that he's home.
"It may happen one day, but it won't be today." I tell him, blinking
back
the tiny droplets of moisture that my tear ducts seem intent on
releasing.
"I didn't love her." He whispers, and
I have to strain to hear. "I could
never love her; she wasn't you." He smiles.
"I can't give up the Air Force."
I admit, hating to bring it up. I think that
we had almost come to an unspoken agreement not to discuss the
non - existent
relationship that we had going, not to talk about the
USAF, which is probably the only thing keeping us apart.
"I
wouldn't ask you to, I couldn't. But when we finally are able to be
together, then we'll be great." He tells me.
"We'll
be the greatest." I amend, snuggling up to him.
"I'll wait for you." He whispers, and we both pick up our scotch
glasses.
"I'll wait forever."
"Until then." I toast, raising the glass.
Smiling, Jack emulates my actions and my words.
"Until then." And
we both sip our drinks, until the glasses are empty and our voices
hoarse.
Jack and I won't
be together, not for a long time. We have other
commitments, namely the SGC. There are too many things standing
in the
way of anything developing between us . . . yet. We'll overcome
them, eventually. But for tonight we are both content to
lay together
on my couch, just clutching each other for the night. Janet will have a
field day when she sees us tomorrow,
but this is the only
confirmation of our feelings that we are going to get for what may be
a very, very, long time.
Sooner or later, things may change.
I pull Jack closer to me and smile.
Until then. . .
~*+*~
The
End
Another brick in the wall ~ Pink Floyd
Are you lonely tonight ~ Rod Stewart
It must have been love ~ Roxette
He's
got the look ~ Roxette
Breathless ~ The Corrs
Would you be happier ~ The Corrs
If I could ~ 1927
Impulsive ~ Wilson
Philips
You're in love ~ Wilson Philips
A reason to believe ~ Wilson Philips.
I found someone ~ Cher
Love hurts
~ Cher
If I could turn back time ~ Cher
One by One ~ Cher
Believe ~ Cher
All or nothing ~ Cher
Strong enough
~ Cher
Ironic ~ Alanis Morissette
Perfect ~ Alanis Morissette
All I really want ~ Alanis Morissette
Thank you
~ Alanis Morissette
For crying out loud ~ Meatloaf
Bat out of hell ~ Meatloaf
You took the words right out of my
mouth ~ Meatloaf
Two out of three ain't bad ~ Meatloaf
I'm alive ~ Celine Dion
When the wrong one loves you right
~ Celine Dion
My heart will go on ~ Celine Dion
If that's what it takes ~ Celine Dion
What would you do? ~ City High
Home
ain't where his heart is anymore ~ Shania Twain
No one needs to know ~ Shania Twain
What about me? ~ Moving pictures
Always
breaking my heart ~ Belinda Carlisle
In too deep ~ Belinda Carlisle
Breathe ~ Faith Hill
~*+*~
Let me
introduce myselve’s. . .
|
