Title: If Only
Author: Venom_69
Category: Romance, Humor
Pairing: Sam/Jack
Rating: R
Summary: She’s mad *and* in labor…uh oh…
Spoilers: None
Season/sequel: Part 4 in the “Hate is such a strong word” series. Sequel to ‘When you love someone”
Archive: SJ, Heliopolis, my site. Anywhere else, sure, just let me know where so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them. Song isn’t mine either.
Author’s notes: I admit it, I’m writing baby!fic. To all the women in my life that I love: My beautiful Jo, My Sexy!Aud, My evil!Tricia, The wicked!Aardie, The nutty but so lovely Linz, My baby Jia, and anyone I missed! And to all of the crazy women out there who proudly call themselves ‘my fans’ *smooooooooch* to y’all.
Feedback: Hell yeah! Don’t make me beg, hit reply and stroke my ego please.
Dedication: As always, for LEW.
Date: 10/01/2005
Copyright © to Venom, 2005

***

I wanna scream and shout
Cause I’m loosing every doubt
And all I care about
Is you and me and us and now.

***

She had his hand in an evil death grip, and Jack felt each and every contraction as they came. His girlfriend – still snicker. He was never getting over that – may look vulnerable and cute in her pregnant state, but she was damn strong. And when she was in pain- everyone knew about it.

Most especially him.

“I hate you.”

He knew. “I know.”

“You are going to die.” The midwife was grinning. Jack immediately hated her. Sam immediately loved her.

He knew that too. “Yes, Sam.”

She wasn’t really saying anything that he hadn’t hear a million times in the last nine months. Like water off a ducks back, he was numb to it now. He knew that she loved him- even if she did appear to want to pull his heart out through his urethra. “If you think you are getting naked near me ever again, you can think twice.”

After all this? He definitely would. “I will.”

She grippes his hand as another contraction hits and he hears an ominous ‘pop’ and just knows that he’s screwed.

There are two cries of pain that accompany this contraction, one is his, the other is hers. Jack wonders which one of them is in the most agony. He suspect’s that it’s her.

“You broke my hand!”

“You knocked me up!”

“But you broke my hand!”

“You should be bloody thankful I only broke your *hand* mister!”

Ow! Damnit, a *lot* stronger than she looked. “What did my hand ever do to you?” He was not pouting. Not at all.

“Aided and abetted the real felon... you want me to break *that * too?”

He was so outta there.

A nurse ushered him out. “I’ll take a look at your hand, sir.”

“She broke it!”

The nurse didn’t look convinced. She gave him a patronizing little smile that Janet would have been damn proud of. And she wasn’t even gentle while she examined him. The Goa’uld didn’t know what torture was. Having this woman bandage his supposedly ‘lightly sprained’ hand was torture. She’d been taking lessons from Carter. Evil witch.

Hand bandaged, he was ushered back into the delivery room. Carter was in the middle of a very graphic description of her plans for him and his ‘Evil dick of death.’

“Do I really have to go back in there?”

The evil nurse just smiled. Evilly. “If you think you’re in trouble now, wait till you hear what she says if you’re not there.”

Sara wasn’t like this. Ever. He didn’t want to compare the two women but Sara had been, well, placid during her pregnancy. She’d been sweet and affectionate and nothing like the monster that had taken over his – snicker - girlfriend.

Sam had been, well… hideous was a good word.

She was argumentative, hypocritical, indecisive and downright bitchy. She’d been threatening him, verbally and physically abusing him. She’d done everything but throw his stuff out on the lawn and Jack suspected that the only reason she hadn’t done that was because he gave a mean ass backrub and mind blowing orgasms.

And the worst part about the whole being abused aspect of their relationship?

She was *really* hot when she was doing it. Really hot.

Which was bad. Because apparently ‘Jack junior’ was never going to see the light of day again if she was in a three mile radius. Damnit.

Sam was getting more vocal, and more descriptive and imaginative and Jack was cringing at both the imagery and the pain she must be feeling.

“Ok Sam, the baby’s head is crowning. Jack, do you want to take a look?”

He’d been… away for Charlie’s birth. He hadn’t seen this before and he figured it would be safer down that end anyway.

Holy crap.

Their baby… he could see the head coming out of her. It was… Jack didn’t think he’d ever been speechless before, but this was…

Holy crap.

“Argh! I am so going to kick your ass you big jerk!”

Their baby came into the world screaming, and he was so ok with that.

***

Don’t say it! I already know.