A day in the life of Sam Carter's Clit

You know those soup mugs/bowls that you can buy, the HUGE ones? Well, Ky's had about 6 or so cups of coffee out of one of them....

...yes, that is my explanation for this fic.

wwe_needs_msp will understand one particular part of this more than most...

Title: A day in the life of Sam Carter's Clit.
Rating: It's not smut, but given that it's based on a clit, I'd say the new non-lawsuitable verion of R.
Spoilers: Chimera. Tiny one though.
A/N: I will never, ever, think of my clit in the same light again. Ever.
Dedication: it all started with Aud's lj comment...
Date: 12/03/05

***

0600: Wake up.

0601: Mmmm….. Nice dream.

0602: Wiggle. *Very* nice dream.

0603: Hmm… need to pee. Been hanging around Jack too long. Mmm…. Jack.

0604: We need to get laid.

0606: It’s dark here… what’s going on?

0607: Suffocating! Can’t breath! Need Air! Help! SOS! Mayday, Mayday! Can anyone hear me! I. Can’t. Breath!

0607.2: *cough* *splutter*

0608: Damn toilet paper.

***

0800: Work.

0801: Jack! Hi! How are you? Want to go to the supply closet? Briefing room table? Star chart? Stargate? Lab? Offices? The General’s Desk? My place? Your place? Your truck? My car? The middle of the hallway? Right here?

0802: It’s possible I’ve had too much time to consider this.

0803: I don’t care.

0804: We need to get laid.

0805: What is she saying? NO! Carter! Sam! Samantha! What are you doing? Are you listening to me? Don’t talk about Pete! Noooooooooo! C’mon woman! He wouldn’t know what I am even if you gave him a colour coded set of instructions, a flashlight and help from the bloody coastguard! What are you thinking?

0807: They trust you to save the planet? They think you’re the smart one? Snort.

0808: Just who exactly is the brains of this body? Huh?

0810: Hate her. Why do we have to belong to an idiot? The man is gorgeous! We do a little happy dance every time he’s nearby! But oh-no, she can’t break the precious rules! If I had eyes I would totally be rolling them at her!

0855: Work is boring. Oh! Seam of pants! Hello!

0856: We need to get laid.

0857: Wiggle.

***

0900: Ooh! Briefing!

0901: *chant* Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack. Sit next to Jack.

0902: Daniel!?!?! What the…?

0903: Bitch.

***

1200: Lunch!

1201: Sit next to Jack!

1202: Okay, okay, get food first, *then* sit next to Jack.

1203: Sit next to Jack!

1204: I mean it woman, Sit next to Jack or you are never going to have another orgasm again. Ever.

1205: SCORE!

1206: *Happy dance*

1210: He makes eating sexy.

1215: No! Daniel! Go away!

1220: Teal'c! You’re supposed to be the smart one! GO AWAY DAMN YOU!

1229: Yes! Goodbye boys, hello Jack!

1231: So, Jack. I have this idea. You. Me. Monkey!sex. How’s about it?

1232: You’re walking away? Is that a no? Why are you leaving?

1234: Are you swinging your hips at me?

1235: *Droooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool*

***

1630: More work. Yawn.

1631: Sam? Can we have a break? We’ve been working for aaaages. And we’re not even pressed against the seam of your pants! BORING! We are not having fun! Hello! Hello?

1635: OW! ITCH!

1636: Aaaaaaaah. Thanks!

1637: Can Jack scratch me next time?

17:46: Why are you ignoring me?

1759: Hello?

***

1839: We need to get laid.

1840: Look at that! It’s a sign from the God’s! I mean it. I say we need to get laid, Jack turns up with coffee. CAN IT BE ANY CLEARER?

1842: ….Did he just ask us out? To dinner? NO! Just say no Sam! You don’t want dinner unless he’s the main course! I don’t even like food that much! Honestly!

***

1928: Well, food it is then.

1929: *sigh*

1930: We need to get laid.

***

2112: Awww… he drove us home. That’s so sweet!

2113: He is God’s gift to women. Seriously.

2114: And he’s walking us to the front door!

2116: Talking, talking, talking. Boring.

2117: Hands on hips? Sam? They aren’t your hands!

2118: Oh…..

2119: Kissing!

2120: I’m tingling!

***

22:01: We’re getting laid!

***

:) *Shoots self to save anyone else the trouble*