|
Title: Tape
Author: Ky
Notes: I seem to recall that this was written early 2007 as a dare, hence the stupidity.
***
According
to Tuvok, the old translucent antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape wasn't working. And he'd managed to tell her that
with a straight face, which was impressive.
"Captain," He'd said. "I have been informed that the old translucent antigravity
alien-transsexual adjustment tape has ceased functioning."
Kathryn didn't actually know what 'the old translucent antigravity
alien-transsexual adjustment tape' was, but she was relatively certain that if it's broken-ness required a formal meeting
with her Security Officer, that it was bad.
She had nodded to Tuvok and promised to get a team on the problem as soon
as possible.
Which would happen right after she figured out what the hell it was in the first place.
Tom was
the next to approach her. "Captain," He said. "I'm volunteering to help sort out the problem with the old translucent antigravity
alien-transsexual adjustment tape."
"That's very kind of you, Mr. Paris." She nodded.
"We all have to do our
part, ma'am."
While it had been on the tip of her tongue to remind him of her feelings about being called 'ma'am',
Kathryn figured that since she didn't actually know what the situation was about, she couldn't tell whether or not it was
crunch time.
Damnit.
B'Elanna had followed Tom. "Captain," She said. "I hear you're going to send a team
to help with the old translucent antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape?"
She nodded. "Yes, lieutenant."
"Great!
Any help would be greatly appreciated."
Kathryn had refused to speak with Harry Kim, knowing exactly what the conversation
was going to be about and instead turned the bridge over to Tuvok, stating that she was "Going to deal with the old translucent
antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape."
Tuvok had nodded, obviously pleased that she was taking the matter
so seriously and Kathryn had quickly ordered the turbolift to take her to officers deck.
Stalking towards her First
Officers Quarters, she ignored the whispers in the corridors.
It seemed that the old translucent antigravity alien-transsexual
adjustment tape was a pretty popular subject today and she just didn't want to hear any more of it.
Chakotay will
know. He always does.
Safe in the knowledge that she would get her answer soon enough, Kathryn rang the chime
and entered as the doors swished open, moving to sit next to him on the sofa.
She sighed. "Chakotay?"
"Kathryn?"
"I
don't know what it is."
"You don't know what what is?"
Damnit, but this was embarrassing. "Well..."
"I
can't help you if I don't know what you're talking about you know."
Do you have to be so damn logical? "It's..."
"Kathryn!"
"Fine!
The old translucent antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape."
He laughed. "You don't know what it is?"
"No."
She wasn't pouting.
More like showing her displeasure through the extension of her lower lip.
"How can you
not know what it is?"
"I don't know!" OK, she was totally pouting.
"And you expect me to tell you?"
"Well...
yes." What else was he good for?
Chakotay nodded and folded his arms, leaning back on the sofa casually. "It's going
to cost you."
"I'm a coffee addict, I have no rations to spare."
"It's good that you'll finally admit to being
an addict." He grinned. He'd been trying to get her onto a 12-step program for caffeine addicts for years. "But that's not
what I meant."
"Then what...?"
His raised eyebrows and confident smile said it all.
"No."
"Up
to you." Chakotay shrugged.
"I could always just ask someone else, you know."
"You'd be too embarrassed to admit
to the crew that you don't know what the old translucent antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape is."
Damnit,
he had a point. "You're blackmailing me."
"Bargaining." He countered smoothly.
"This could also be considered
prostitution."
"You wouldn't see it that way after long, I assure you."
"Cocky." She muttered. "Well, what exactly
do you want in return for the explanation."
He raised his eyebrows again and blinked at her.
It really shouldn't
be possible for blinking to be suggestive... Sigh. "OK."
"Sure?"
"No."
Chakotay huffed his amusement
before he leant closer towards her. "You can't back out, you know."
That was the problem.
She didn't want
to back out and having him explain what the old translucent antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape was in exchange
for something she wanted anyway seemed like a pretty sweet deal. "I wont."
Just before his lips touched hears, Kathryn
heard him mutter, "Duct tape."
But before she could reply, her tongue was suddenly occupied.
Damn the old
translucent antigravity alien-transsexual adjustment tape!
***
End
"Duct tape is like The Force.
It has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together."
|
