Wild, Wild Life

Title: Wild, Wild Life
Author: Ky (Venom_69)
Fandom: NCIS
Category: Oh, this one has a class of its own, folks.
Pairing: Kate/Gibbs. Gibbs/Kate.
Rating: Mature People
Summary: "How many wives was it again?"
Archive: My site. Anywhere else, sure, just let me know where so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them. Song’s not mine either.
Author’s notes: You would think, after challenging me for months, that

bowserbabe would know better to challenge me and mention a different idea she has all in the one comment, wouldn’t you? Song belongs to Talking Heads.
Date: 03/02/07
Copyright © to Venom, 2007

***

Check out Mister Businessman
He got some wild, wild life.

***

"How many wives was it again?" Kate snapped. "Eight? Ten?"

"I lost count after six." Tony offered, not bothering to look across at them as he led Mario through the maze in search of the Princess.

"What is your problem?" Gibbs snapped.

Except it wasn't Gibbs.

Not really.

"My problem?" Kate shrieked. Oh yes, she shrieked. "My problem is that I have a penis!"

Well.

Talk about a conversation stopper.

Abby blinked as she watched them, frozen in place at the entrance to the bullpen. "Uhm... guys?"

"What?" Kate snapped.

"Kate, you OK?"

"No!" Gibbs replied.

"Gibbs?"

"What?" Kate snapped.

Abby pouted. "I'm confused."

"I'm stuck in Bowser's fortress!" Tony wailed.

"Try running super fast to avoid the things falling from the ceiling. Hold the control key down." Abby supplied before frowning and turning back to the two people in front of her. "OK. What's going on?"

"I'm a man." Gibbs replied.

And? "Well, yes."

"It's me, Abby." He said. "It's Kate."

Abby cocked her head and looked across at Kate. She was standing with her arms folded and a deep scowl on her face. A deep... familiar... scowl. "Gibbs?"

"Yes." The feminine voice growled in reply.

"Holy crap."

"Weird, isn't it?" Tony called out as he moved his body to the right, trying to convince Mario to move faster through sheer will power as he balanced the keyboard on his lap.

"So, Kate is Gibbs and Gibbs is Kate?"

They bother replied at once. (Which actually made the confusion lessen, just a little.) "Yes."

"Holy Crap!"

***

Abby dragged them both down to her Lab.

"How did this happen?"

"We don't know." KateInGibbs replied. "I woke up on his boat with my mouth tasting like the inside of a toilet bowl." Crossing Her/His arms, she turned to face GibbsInKate. "You really need to cut back on the coffee. Don't think I'm going to stand back and watch you ruin my stomach."

GibbsInKate shrugged and took a sip of the very large cup of coffee in his/her hand. "It's currently my stomach."

"Back to that," Abby interjected. "What the hell happened?"

"I woke up in her bed." GibbsInKate shrugged. "Nice sleepwear, by the way."

Abby knew what Kate slept in. Or rather, what she didn't sleep in. "Am I dreaming?"

"Why would you dream that we switched bodies?" GibbsInKate was, apparently, no less scary when he had breasts.

"Did I not tell you about the time I dreamt that Tony's head was actually attached to Pamela Anderson's body and he kept fondling... well." Abby coughed delicately. "I'm just checking."

"Stop checking and fix this!" GibbsInKate snapped.

"I don't know how." Abby admitted. "This is the kind of thing reserved for B-rated movies and Sci-Fi re-runs."

Sculling the last of the hot coffee, GibbsInKate sighed. "I'm going for coffee."

KateInGibbs gasped. "No you aren't!"

"Yes, I am."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Kate. I am going to get coffee."

Abby watched them continued to argue as they headed towards the exit of her Lab. "I'll start googling." She offered to no-one in particular.

***

"I am not going to let you put any more caffeine into my body." KateInGibbs snapped as she followed GibbsInKate.

S/he picked up the pace, annoyed that his shorter legs wouldn't move him as fast as he was used to. "And you're going to stop me how?"

"I'll... I'll.."

GibbsInKate stopped, turned and raised an eyebrow. "You'll what, Kate?"

She kissed him.

It was weird.

Kissing him (her) was weird.

Kate - though actually Gibbs - could feel his - though actually her - breasts pressed against her - though actually his - chest.

She - he? - was getting confused, so she sucked it up and sucked his - her? - tongue into her mouth while he - she? - pressed against her.

Backing up until they were pressed against the wall, snow piling around her feet, KateInGibbs moaned.

***

"KateInGibbs!" Abby greeted cheerfully. "I haven't found anything."

"Actually, it's GibbsInGibbs, now."

"It is?"

"Yep."

"You have a penis."

"Have for a while now."

"You're not squicked out by the penis? I mean, the things you said about going to the bathroom standing up. And the shaking rule?"

"Abs."

"Once is OK. Twice is doing the job right. Three times and you're playing with yourself. What the hell is that about, anyway?"

"Abs."

"Gibbs?"

"Yes."

"Gibbs with the correct anatomy Gibbs?"

He huffed in amusement. "Yes."

"Wow. You're normal again."

"Well, relatively speaking, yes."

"Is Kate really Kate again too? Or did she switch bodies with DiNozzo? Cause, can you just imagine what would happen then?"

Gibbs could imagine it, actually. "She's her again."

Abby frowned.

She'd googled, she'd yahood, she's Asked some dumb little guy called Jeeves and she's MSNed with no luck.

Apparently, having two of your co-workers randomly switch bodies for no apparent reason wasn't actually something that any internet search engine could help with and, for all of her scientific knowledge, she hadn't been able to move past the visual of Kate shaking her penis after peeing.

Which was disturbing.

"You guys totally pulled a Freaky Friday!"

While he wasn't sure what that was, Gibbs was even more certain that he didn't want her to explain it. "It's all normal again."

"How did you fix it?"

Gibbs coughed.

"Oh My God you had sex!" Abby's mouth fell open. "You had sex!"

"Abby, we were gone for fifteen minutes."

"Oh you had a quickie! That's even worse." She moaned when a new visual popped into her head. "And you were a woman when you did it." She covered her eyes with her hands.

"Abs, we did not have sex."

Splitting her fingers, Abby peeked out at him. "You didn't?"

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"Abs!"

"Well! What else am I supposed to say? You two switched bodies randomly, disappeared for a bit and came back normal!" She flinched. "This would never have happened to Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsay Lohan."

"Who?" Gibbs wasn't really sure he wanted that one explained, either.

"Never mind."

"OK. Well. Goodbye then."

"Gibbs?"

He turned from his position at the door, frowning. "Yes?"

"When you do have sex... use a condom. Just in case."

“Goodbye, Abby.”

“Safe sex is good sex!” She called to his retreating form. “Especially in this case.”

***

End

As stipulated, there is no "It was all a dream!" in there and i met all of the challenge elements and holy crap this was weird.