Honesty

Title: Honesty
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: ADULT
Summary: When she gets right down to it, she is absolutely certain that he will not hurt her.
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: Language, sex.
Prompt Number for fic101: 21 – Anger
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Meat Loaf. Set after Counterpoint. Sequel to Lists
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 09/01/07

***

So I asked myself, "Do I love you so much
That I'm willing to let you go?"
At the tip of my tongue, the answer was "yes"
But, at the bottom of my heart I'm wondering...

***

Despite the barely controlled anger she'd seen in his eyes on the bridge, Kathryn didn't expect anything to come of it.

It might not have pleased him that she appeared to be thinking more with her clit than her brain, but he was still the peaceful man that brought her roses, built her bathtubs and dedicated his life to making hers easier.

She wasn't stupid - or completely obtuse, as some of the crew seemed to think. Kathryn knew full well that he was in love with her. He didn't exactly hide it and, at the end of the day, he knew as well as she did that it would never work between them on Voyager. She could never be his Captain and his lover; her judgment would be too clouded and she knows that his would be too.

When they get home, she plans to jump his bones some time between 'Hello Starfleet' and 'Permission to dock?', regardless of the fact that both of those sentences will be uttered whilst on the bridge.

Until then, things stay the same.

They both know it and they both accept it.

She may never have come right out and said it, but he is - surely - not stupid enough to miss her little ways of showing her feelings. They have an agreement, albeit largely unspoken, that they both stick to.

And, as her mother used to say, if it aint broke, don't try to fix it.

Her shift ends a little under an hour after Kashyk's departure and Kathryn doesn't stay on the bridge any longer than she has to tonight.

She has a date with her bathtub, followed by a quiet dinner and some light reading.

If she feels like it, she'll make her logs while she lies in the bath. Otherwise, she plans to close her eyes and let the sweet seduction of the hot water soothe her into a light sleep.

It's a plan.

When she makes it back to her darkened Quarters, she doesn't bother calling for lights. There's enough illumination seeping through the window from the stars and Kathryn strips off her uniform as she calls for the computer to fill her bathtub to the usual setting.

The water is waiting for her when she enters the bathroom. Walking naked across the tiles, she lights a few candles and then eases herself into the tub.

Steam rises from the surface and Kathryn doesn't think that she's ever felt anything quite as heavenly as this.

***

It's only when she opens her eyes again that Kathryn realizes that she fell asleep.

She hadn't been tired - if anything, these last few weeks have left her with an energy she hasn't known in years - and she hadn't felt herself nodding off at all.

The water is just as hot as when she closed her eyes, the computer monitors that and keeps the temperature steady. Regardless, her fingers and, probably, her toes, have started to wrinkle and she calls for the water to drain as she stands and pulls a towel around herself.

Pulling the towel from her head, she brushes her hair out until it falls softly around her face. There is a multitude of lotions and perfumes that she could use, but all she really wants to do now is have a cup of coffee - maybe something to eat, too, her grumbling stomach reminds her - and go to bed.

Not bothering with anything else, Kathryn slips her robe over her shoulders, securing it at the waist with the tie. She blows out the candles - ensuring that no smoke resides because it would be just her luck to set off the alarms and have water start spilling through her Quarters - and makes her way out of the bathroom.

Her living room is no darker or lighter than it was when she first entered and Kathryn calls for one quarter lights, blinking until her eyes adjust to the new light she is subjecting them to.

It's only then that she finally sees him, sitting on her sofa with one leg crossed over the other, arms spread along the back.

What the hell...?

There's a very large temptation to cross her arms over her chest or, at the very least, ask him to wait while she changes - or puts something else on, as the case is - but his eyes darken as he looks her up and down and, though she wont admit it, Kathryn likes the way that he looks at her.

She doesn't, however, appreciate him just randomly showing up when she walks out of the bathroom.

"Hello, Kathryn."

Ignoring his greeting, Kathryn frowns. "I didn't hear you knock."

"I didn't." Chakotay shrugs. "But I thought we should talk."

She smiles tightly. "About?"

"About the events of the last few weeks."

Kathryn sighs.

She has decided that she doesn't feel like making her log entry right now so she really doesn't feel like listening to her First Officer's thoughts on the subject, particularly if he's planning on acting like a petulant two year old or a jealous lover. Or a mixture of both, for that matter. "Can we do this later, Chakotay?"

"No."

"No, Commander?" She repeats, her hands automatically moving to her hips, hoping that the use of his rank will get her point across where her words are, apparently, failing miserably.

Kathryn can only imagine how authoritarian she looks with her hands on her hips, chin tilted in the air, wearing nothing but a silk robe. But as long as he gets the message - the one that clearly screams 'piss off and leave me alone' - then she doesn't care.

"No."

"I'd really like to have my dinner and go to bed right now, but we can discuss this in the morning." Honesty is the best policy, after all.

"Oh, you're going to bed alright."

"What?"

She doesn't know how he does it, but one second she is standing a few feet from him, glaring at him with everything that she can muster and the next she is being pushed back towards her bedroom.

It's not that she can't kick his arse - or at least try - so much as it is that she's surprised. This is the man that brings her roses, builds her bathtubs and dedicates his existence to her. The gentle, sweet soul that cares about every living thing and loves her more than she's ever thought possible.

That same man is the one that pushes her into her bedroom and then presses her into the wall, her arms and legs firmly pinned by his much larger frame.

Honesty sucks.

"What are you doing?"

"Exactly what I should have done the day that we met."

"And that is?" Her question is genuinely curious. Kathryn doesn't fear him. When she gets right down to it, she is absolutely certain that he will not hurt her.

At least... not irreparably.

Chakotay presses himself - particularly his lower self - into her harder and grins. The only word that she can think to describe it is 'wolfish.' "You can't guess?"

Well.

She can now.

Especially when he keeps moving against her like that.

"Why?"

"I didn't like seeing you with him." He growls. "I didn't like the way you were acting with him, traipsing around like a..."

Kathryn thinks that the word to end his sentence might be 'whore', but she decides that she needs to hear him say it before she neuters him. Wouldn't do to get blood on the carpet without good cause. "Like a...?"

"Like someone just looking to get laid."

And you're a fine one to talk, aren't you? "Do I need to remind you," She asks, just a little bit more out of breath than she would have liked. God, would he stop moving? "That you yourself have had lovers in the past?"

"Lovers, yes." He nods once. Apparently he's the type of man that can pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time, because the nodding doesn't detract from the movement of his hips. "But potential homicide suspects? No."

Kathryn rolls her eyes, firmly instructing her body to ignore him at all costs. "Oh, but Riley was a real charmer."

"Riley didn't get off on the thought of causing someone else pain."

"You, on the other hand," She sucks in a sharp breath as his short nail flicks across her nipple as it pokes out at him through the thin robe that she wears. Traitorous body! "Apparently do."

"If you think this is pain, then you're in for a real treat, honey." And he does it again to prove his point. "Besides, I wouldn't compare this with Riley anyway."

"Because I'm not a Borg?" The word leaves a bad taste in her mouth and she still has a little trouble believing that he slept with her. If the Doctor hadn't told her as part of his medical report, then she would never have believed it at all.

"Don't go there, Kathryn. You wont win that one."

Glaring at him, Kathryn tries to convince herself that it's a back spasm that makes her arch the way that she does, into his touch and his body. "You could be thrown in the brig for this."

"I haven't heard you say no."

And, damn him, the smug smile on his face tells her that he knows she isn’t going to.

"Besides," He continues. "I don't think Starfleet would like the idea of you fucking The Devore any more than they like the idea of you and I doing it."

It's on the tip of her tongue to bite out that at least with 'The Devore' it would have been consensual, but three very important facts stand in her way.

The first, of course, being that she had no plans to sleep with Kashyk, regardless of the attraction to him that she fought over the course of their interactions and regardless of the two kisses that they shared.

The second being that she really doesn’t have any desire to say no to Chakotay, so whether or not it is consensual is very debatable.

And the third is that he is really hot when he's angry.

Damn him.

"Do you think this will solve anything?" The only reason that she's talking is in a very vain attempt to distract her mind from the fact that he's undone the tie on her robe now and is pushing it to the sides, baring her body to him.

Even though nothing holds her pinned against the wall anymore, Kathryn still can't bring herself to move.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm going to feel a hell of a lot better."

Fingertips run across her stomach, barely touching. Her muscles flutter in response and she thinks damn him! again when she wobbles precariously on trembling legs.

"You're a natural redhead," He says quietly, a hint of amusement in his tone.

She does not know what he thinks of her like this, naked and waiting - and she may be a little concerned about age and gravity having taken her appeal - and his comment is the only clue that he gives away.

Kathryn's not sure whether to thank him or slap him. Though the urge to slap him should have come and gone long before this point. "Yes, I am."

He pulls her forward and her robe, which had been caught at her elbows and lower back, falls to the floor. It's not cold in her Quarters, but the feeling of silk whispering against her as it falls makes her shiver.

"Anticipation?" Chakotay asks, before a grin spreads across his face. "Or fear?"

She snorts, defiant till the end. "You wish."

"Honey, I'm going to enjoy this regardless of how you feel."

"Then why bother asking?"

He pinches her nipple once, hard, and she yelps in half surprise and half in something that she doesn't want to feel right now. "Curiosity."

"It killed the cat." She retorts sharply.

"Good thing I'm not a cat then, isn't it?" Chakotay grins at her again and then dips his head to her neck.

Kathryn can feel his teeth denting her flesh and when his mouth closes over her skin and sucks, she knows that she will have a mark there for days. His mouth acts as a vacuum, pulling and tugging at her white skin. It should hurt but it really doesn't.

Understanding dawns almost immediately; he wants to brand her.

Without thought, she tilted her neck to the side to give him better access to as much skin as he deemed necessary. Teeth nip sharply at her in response.

Oh, she did not just whimper.

He pulls away from her neck and inspects the mark left behind, apparently satisfied with his work. "You're not fighting me."

"Would you let me go if I did?"

Chakotay pretends to think about it, at the very least. "No."

"What's the point, then?"

"Stop sounding so defeated honey, it doesn't become you."

Kathryn silently agrees.

She does not do submissive and she does not do silent. It has never been in her nature to sit back and let things happen to her and this should not be any different, but they both know that it is.

Damn him for damning her like this.

Her hands move to his chest and her eyes harden in determination and anger. Determination that he not win this battle and anger at herself because she might just want him to.

"Going to push me away?" He's laughing at her, smug.

He knows that their difference in size and strength alone is enough to put her at a disadvantage. He knows that she has no where to run - she wont very well run out into the corridor naked now, will she? - and he knows that she doesn't have a way to contact security.

But - worse still - he knows that she wants him.

"Will it do any good?"

"Not a chance. But it'd be nice to know that it's not that easy to break your spirit. I'd like it to be at least a little bit of a challenge."

His words have the desired effect and Kathryn pushes at his chest, her back braced against the wall and her feet firmly planted on the ground.

It doesn't do any good though - not that she really expected it to - and the end result is that he laughs once and presses himself flush against her again. His hands hold her arms and his mouth finds hers as she continues her futile struggle.

The rough material of the Starfleet uniform that he wears grazes against her skin and she hates herself for it, but it feels good. His lips don’t give her time to really think about it though.

Chakotay's mouth on hers is officially going on her top ten list of feel-good things. His teeth nibble at her bottom lip, his tongue traces her mouth, tasting her. His hands continue to pin her and struggling against him only serves to provide some interesting friction.

Which, she admits, might be reason enough to continue.

He pulls back only when they both feel a burning pain from lack of oxygen. "There. Isn't that better?"

Smug bastard!

Kathryn will say one thing for him; he certainly knows how to push her buttons to his advantage.

Damn him.

His right hand resumes its exploration of her body, tracing patters across her breasts and belly.

Kathryn stares at him, watching as his eyes follow the path of his fingers and she wonders if the dark expression on his face is a warning of what is to come or disapproval at what he sees.

She wonders why she isn't struggling, but when his hand cups her breast, she abandons the thought because, really, she knew the answer from the beginning. His thumb swipes across her nipple again and she can't stop the shudder that runs through her.

The hand on her body leaves a train of fire as he draws an invisible pattern from her breast to her crotch. When he cups her mound, she thinks it quite likely that she's going to die and bites her lip to stop a sound of pleasure escaping.

He smiles when he feels the wetness between her legs and his fingers run along her folds.

Pushing one digit into her, he grins when she unconsciously spreads her legs further apart. "Good girl, honey. I told you that you would enjoy this." And he adds a second finger while his thumb takes up residence on her clit.

Chakotay stares at her, watching her reaction.

Perhaps he is waiting for her to fight against him again, because he just stands there, two fingers inside of her as she stretches to accommodate them. The delightful pulling of her muscles surprises her, the foreign feeling making her breath catch. Chakotay's thumb moves once across her clit, distracting her thoughts.

Kathryn waits, holding her breath, expecting some sort of movement, waiting for the promise of sweet surrender that looms just around the corner and out of her reach, but he doesn't move.

He. Does. Not. Move.

At all.

She moans her protest.

Way to fight him, Kathy.

"Something wrong, Kathryn?"

"Damn you."

The intensity of her glare is parallel only to the smug glint in his eyes as he watches her patiently.

A haze of desire swallows her, starting from his fingers and spreading throughout her body and the delicious feeling of anticipation sweeps over her.

She hates it, hates herself and her body for being so easy, but she knows without a shadow of a doubt that she is going to come on his hand and he hasn't even done anything.

His smirk tells her that he knows it, too. "Undo my pants."

The fog of desire clears long enough for the words to penetrate her mind and Kathryn's hands automatically follow his order and move to the fly of his uniform pants.

Once the zipper is down, his left hand bats her arms away and he pulls his fingers out of her, much to her annoyance.

His erection is pulled through the gap of material and Kathryn sucks in a quick breath when her eyes dart down and then quickly back up to meet his.

Chakotay is kind enough to give her all of three seconds to recover before his knee pushes her legs further apart - and how she remains standing is a complete and utter mystery - and he thrusts himself all the way into her.

Their difference in height should make this far more difficult than it is, Kathryn thinks, but once he is fully sheathed inside of her, she stops caring about how he manages it and concentrates on keeping him there.

She's wet and aroused, there is no doubting that, but it's been years since she was this close to a man and the initial penetration stings. She hates herself just a little bit more when she realizes that the sting only arouses her further.

Her whole body is tense, waiting for the rough thrusting that she expects, but they don't come. He remains still - to let me recover or just because he can? - and holds her eyes with his own.

It's only when she moves her hips a little, trying to gain some semblance of relief, that he speaks. "I believe we should have that discussion now."

Now?

Kathryn stares at him blankly. She's having a concerning amount of trouble remembering her name right now, let alone having the power of conventional thought left.

"Did you fuck him?"

"What?"

"The Devore. Did you fuck him?"

"I... no."

"Really?"

What? His hand moves to her thigh, pulling at her leg until he holds it in his palm, supporting the majority of her weight. Kathryn is held up by his hand, the wall and her left leg only and the change in position pulls him in deeper as her carefully considered reply fly's out the air lock. "Yes... I mean no."

Chakotay draws his hips back until just the head of his penis rests inside of her and she feels the loss immediately as her internal walls contract around nothing.

"Make up your mind, honey. Which is it?"

"No, I didn't!"

He pushes forward until he is buried completely inside of her and the zip of his pants is rubbing against her tender flesh. "Good girl." Chakotay smiles before pulling out of her again, the head once more resting inside of her. "Did you want to?"

Kathryn moans. Beads of sweat tickle against her skin and she does not like this teasing thing that he has decided on. "No."

"So you were content to flirt?"

"Yes."

He thrust back into her again. "Is that all you did?"

Is he for real?

Frustrated, Kathryn glares at him. "Kashyk isn't here now, what's the issue?"

As soon as she says his name, Chakotay thrusts violently into her once, slamming her body back against the wall under the force of his weight.

She groans her approval and doesn't let herself think about the bruises that her back will have when this is over, not to mention the pulling of her thigh muscles. As long as he does that again, she will happily explain any and all marks or injuries to the Doctor. "You hate him that much?"

"Shut up."

"Are you jealous of Kashyk?"

The second mention of his name brings about the same result as the first and Kathryn is quickly coming to the conclusion that is she wants to come, there's only one way it's going to happen.

"Kashyk."

It works again and Chakotay repeated the harsh thrust.

"Kashyk."

Thrust.

"I kissed Kashyk."

That, as they say, is the straw the breaks the camel's back.

Chakotay's measured thrusts and controlled entries are gone, replaced with a harsh and continuous pounding that leaves her without the ability to catch a breath or form a coherent thought. The fast pace he sets exhausts her as he takes his anger out on her body.

A tight ball of tension builds in her stomach, growing and growing with each slap of their bodies pressing together and right about the time she thinks that she's going to die, her orgasm hits her in a burst of sweet oblivion.

The ball of tension dissipates in a quick rush and the sharp breath that she sucks in doesn’t supply her brain or her body with enough air. Shards of light fly past her clenched eyelids, her mouth falls open and her head pounds in a rhythm that matches the racing of her heart and her pulse. Blood screams through her body and Kathryn doesn’t know how long it lasts, only that it’s too much and not enough all at the same time.

When the sound of her own scream stops ringing in her ears, she finds herself lying on the floor, Chakotay next to her and a wetness between her legs that tells her that his orgasm followed hers.

She lays panting, sucking air into her deprived lungs gratefully, as her internal muscles sporadically contract, sending aftershocks through her that make her whole body twitch in pleasure.

If the ship explodes and she dies right now, Kathryn is going to go out one extremely happy woman.

And when she can breathe and think and feel something other than sweet relief between her legs, she says the first thing that comes to mind. "Feel better?"

Chakotay snorts from his position beside her. "Yes, actually."

She picks up her forgotten robe and wraps it around herself, covering her sticky body and the mess between her thighs. "So... that was you angry, huh?"

"No, that was me annoyed."

Do I dare ask? "If that was you annoyed, what are you like angry, then?"

Chakotay reaches over and pats her hand, the dark expression back on his face. "Don't worry honey, I'm sure you'll see that one for yourself soon enough."

It should probably terrify her, but Kathryn can't wait.

***

End