Title: Midnight Coffee Call
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating:
Age Friendly
Summary: They - she - had indulged in many a midnight coffee sessions
Character/Pairing:
Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the shows ended!
Warnings: None.
Prompt Number for fic101: 10 - Storm
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Cold Chisel. Seven didn’t happen again. Go me!
Disclaimer:
Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 30/12/06
***
Take a whole
life's loneliness
Wrap it up in some tenderness
Send it off to some emptiness
With all my love
***
Kathryn
wasn’t feeling lonely, per se, so much as disappointed.
It had taken her seven years, the complete destruction
of her eating habits – not to mention the fact that her bloodstream had begun waving a white flag in surrender to the
caffeine overtaking it sometime during their third year – and the sacrifice of any attempt at a personal life, but she’d
done it.
They had done it.
Home.
The cynical, dried-up, bitter part of her had looked at the
planet from Orbit, wondering exactly what all the fuss had been about. It was just a
planet - the good old ‘seen
one, seen ‘em all’ argument - and she had fought so hard and so long to be there again.
While her cynical
side had been doing that, the optimistic inside of her had watched the blue and green orb spin slowly. She had stared at Europe
and realized that, now, she actually had a chance to go and see it. Embrace her plant and its heritage. She could walk down
the street and not see anyone that she knew. She could go out for a meal with her family.
But then they had docked
and left the ship and Kathryn had realized, perhaps not for the first time, that Voyager
had been home.
She
had, in effect, been fighting to get to something that she’d already had and not really noticed.
Kathryn stood
in her temporary quarters, looking over a city that she hadn’t always believed she’d see again.
San Francisco
was beautiful, even as rain poured down.
The storm, while not a particularly vicious one, was impressive to watch.
Lightning ripped through the sky, slicing its inky blackness with bright flashes. Loud crashes of thunder came and
went, but she couldn’t hear them through the soundproofing. She watched the fat drops spattering against the window,
leaving streaks of water in their wake.
A cup of coffee was held tightly in her hands, her fourth such cup in an hour.
It was a luxury to have a replicator that she could use at her disposal and Kathryn had replicated herself something
for dinner, but it remained untouched. Instead, she had attacked the large pot of freshly-made coffee with a vengeance, enjoying
the chance to savour a cup for pleasure as opposed to downing it in order to stay awake for another few hours more than strictly
healthy.
The rest of her senior staff shared the same floor as her, she knew, but after they’d all nodded briefly
before entering their rooms, she’d been alone for a good few hours.
Instinct swelled within her, screaming that
she tap the comm. badge that she was almost
certain would still be attached above her left breast.
She’d
been off her ship for - quick glance to the chronometer - almost six hours now and she still felt the urge to call the Bridge
and ensure that everything was running smoothly.
How long that instinct will last for? She wondered, taking
a long sip of the cooling black liquid.
Kathryn sighed, watching the storm as it beat down its rage against the world.
It
was pretty, she thought. There was something very
homey about it that set her mind at ease.
Homey.
Home.She
knew that she should think about sleeping - they had preliminary debriefings and reunions with family due to start in a little
over four hours - but she just didn’t have the desire to lay down and stare at an unfamiliar ceiling.
Swallowing
the rest of the coffee quickly, Kathryn moved to the coffee table.
Instead of filling her cup, she picked up the tray
supporting her still half-full pot, complete with a second cup, milk, cream and sugar - Clearly these people knew nothing
about her - and moved towards the door.
He was probably already sleeping, preparing for his own battles to fight in
the morning, but after an uncountable number of caffeine hits since their return, Kathryn knew that the sweet arms of oblivion
wouldn’t claim her for a while.
She made a mental promise to herself to sleep for two hours at a minimum so that
she could at least
present the image of a well-rested Captain when she hugged her worrying mother in the morning.
Knocking
on his door - once, quietly - Kathryn stepped back and forced a smile onto her face.
He won’t still be awake.
And, if he is, what if he’s not alone? before the thought could properly form in her mind, the door slid open quietly
and there stood her best friend.
“Coffee?” She offered, holding the tray a little higher.
“Can’t
sleep?” He returned.
She could lie, but what was the point? “No.”
“Me either,”
he nodded and moved aside to grant her entrance. “I hope that cream isn’t too hot.”
Kathryn moved
to the coffee table - apparently he had the same suite-type room that she did - and set the tray down. Automatically, she
poured him a cup with cream and two sugars, handing it to him before pouring one for herself.
“Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
She sighed as she rose and moved to view the storm through his window. “it will be strange, not being able to do this
anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Show up on your doorstep with coffee and insomnia.” She
shrugged.
They - she - had indulged in many a midnight coffee sessions. She would show up with a cup in hand at all
hours and he would invite her in. Coffee would turn into a discussion of their - her - insomnia and that would eventually
lead to the root of the problem.
Kathryn had always found that a good conversation with Chakotay about what was bothering
her was the perfect way to calm her jittery nerves.
Of course, on Voyager, he was right next door and she always had
the luxury of asking the computer if he was awake or not.
“I’ll leave a forwarding address.”
Chakotay’s
response interrupted her thoughts and she tried her best to smile but Kathryn thought that it probably come off as more of
a grimace of pain than anything else. “But you wont be next door.”
“No,” He agreed, moving
to stand beside her as they watched the rain together. “I wont be.”
“I don’t think I like that
thought.” She admitted quietly.
He sighed. “I can’t say that I’m fond of it either.”
Kathryn
raised her mug, determined to lifting their spirits from the potential pit of despair that they were looming over. “We
did it.”
Tapping her mug gently with his, Chakotay nodded his head towards her. “
You did it, Kathryn.”
“I
had a lot of help.”
“I don’t think anyone regrets that.”
“We had some good times.”
“We
did.”
“A lot of bad ones.”
“They were there, too.”
“Why am I talking
like I’m at a funeral?”
“Perhaps because you sort of are?” Chakotay shrugged. “It’s
the end of the road. We got what we wanted, but…”
“But the journey is over.” She finished for
him, nodding.
He nodded as well.
They were both quiet for a long moment - but not uncomfortably so - as they
watched a particularly angry looking strike of lightning stab through the night -
early morning, her mind amended -
air.
Kathryn took a sip of her coffee, wondering why she was subjecting her body to another cup when she didn’t
have to be awake anymore.
“I’m going to miss it.” She admitted quietly.
“You
are certainly not alone there.”
Kathryn
really wanted this, their last midnight coffee chat, to be a happy
one.
She wanted to ask about his sister, about his plans for the future. Hell, she’d settle for discussing how
nice their rooms were if it meant that they could smile, but the only thing she could think was
It’s over! and
that sent a sharp pain through her chest.
With a small shrug, she took the next best road. “Will you do it again?”
“What?”
He huffed. “Quit my job, join a bunch of rebels, get chased by a fiery redhead and end up on the other side of the galaxy?
Actually, I might say no to that.”
She laughed, she couldn’t help it. “I meant go into space again.”
Chakotay
titled his head to the side and licked his lips, thinking. His answer, when it came, was without the humour of a second before.
“I think that I will take a long holiday. And then I will worry about what comes next.”
“That sounds
like a good plan. A
very good plan.”
He nodded again, apparently satisfied with his answer, before he
turned, his body facing hers. “Your mother will be here in a few hours.”
“I know.”
“You
don’t seem as excited about that as I’d expected.”
“Oh, I am.” She was, it was just…
“It’s over, Chakotay. The only thought in my mind is that it’s over. I’m happy to be home, this is
what I’ve wanted more than anything else for seven very long years, but…”
“It’s over.”
He finished. “I understand.”
“I thought you might.” Which is exactly why she had come here
when sleep had obviously planned to elude her.
They lapsed back into silence again, Kathryn staring out the window
over the sparse lights of the city and Chakotay watching her.
Kathryn was trying so hard to be happy right now. This
was meant to be their time to celebrate, to relish the fact that it was over.
No more Kazon, no more organ-stealing
aliens, no more crisis’, no more running low on anything, no more squabbling crewmen - though that hadn’t been
a big issue for a few years - and no more having to care about almost one hundred and fifty people before she cared about
herself.
She
should be happy.
It was everything that she had wanted, absolutely
everything. And
yet, here she was, a tightness in her chest and tears pricking at her eyes as she looked out over the city that she had called
her home for years before she left Earth in search of the Maquis and their cunning leader, her mission clear.
She
couldn’t even cite the end of their journey as anti-climactic as the reason for her apathy.
After all, it didn’t
get much more spectacular than time-travelling Admirals, incredibly advanced technology and exploding Borg Spheres, did it?
Finally,
he spoke, breaking their silence. “Do you want something to eat?”
She smiled. “You don’t have
to mother me anymore you know.”
“Old habits die hard.”
Kathryn finally turned and looked at
him,
really looked at him for the first time in, what seemed like, forever. Suddenly she knew exactly why she had come
to him now and exactly where this would lead and she couldn't bring herself to feel any disappointment about that whatsoever.
“Yes,”
She finally agreed. “They certainly do.”
***
Kathryn watched him from her half-closed eyelids, her
body still humming with satisfaction. “This doesn’t make everything OK, you know that, right?”
She
had hoped that her thoughts would come out slightly more elegant than that, but she figured that if Chakotay couldn’t
understand her meaning after listening to her late-night/early-morning ramblings for seven years, then he was never likely
too.
“I never expected us being in bed together to fix anything.” He traced a pattern on her shoulder,
from one freckle to the next. “But I hope it makes things a bit easier.”
A statement and a question, all
in one.
Kathryn considered it for a moment.
As much as she had wanted to get home for seven years, for at least
five of those she had wanted to take her First Officer and, well, gain some carnal knowledge about him. She has numerous log
entries -
note to self: edit them before submitting to Starfleet - that give explicit detail on her carnal knowledge
gaining thoughts and plans.
But, more than just her body’s attraction to her darkly handsome friend, she’d
wanted more than that. A chance at happiness with him, a chance at something akin to a normal future, a happy life. She wanted
the house and the ring and the dog and maybe even the kids.
Did sleeping with her best friend – could she call
him the man she loved, now? – make being home easier?
Yeah, it did.
***
End
