Title: For Now
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: Mature People
Summary: Did she just say what you think she just said?
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the shows ended!
Warnings: Innuendo.
Prompt Number for fic101: 9 - Peace
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Avenue Q.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 29/12/06

***

You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.
You're going to have to make a few compromises.
For now...

***

"We're supposed to be having sex now."

She says is so calmly that you wonder if she's been indulging in a few too many happy hyposprays.

There is no twinkle in her eye, no smirk on her face, no suggestive tones. Just a statement. You imagine that she would ask you about the status reports in the same way.

"Really?" You cough. What else can you say?

"Yes. According to the crew, this is roughly the time that you pin me to the wall."

You wonder, briefly, if that is any kind of invitation.

While you have made your peace with her decision that there can't ever be more between the two of you, it doesn't stop the flame of hope sparking inside of you whenever she says something that can be interpreted more than one way. Whenever she touches you - which is probably more often than Starfleet would approve of - or whenever she is in a playful mood and her smile lights up her entire being.

"And then we're supposed to be so consumed with passion," She continues, "That we race back to your Quarters - they're closer to the turbolift than mine, did you know that? - whereupon we make love for hours and hours."

You ask the first - well, technically the second - thing that comes to mind. "Do they specify exactly what we neglect by doing that? Surely we would have been on our way to the bridge?"

"I don't think that they care, to be honest. I do know that we only sometimes remember to halt the turbolift while we engage in... well, extra curricular activities, I suppose is the right way to put it."

"And do we get caught?" You've heard of 'quickies' before, but the two minutes it takes to go from deck one to deck fifteen would be a little too quick, especially with this woman.

"No one has ever actually seen us, of course. But there are rumors that they can hear me screaming."

"That good, huh?"

"Apparently."

You open your mouth to make an offer, to let the scientist in her test out the crew's theories, but you know that it wouldn't be welcome and you have little desire to embarrass either one of you. "For someone that says she doesn't hear much, you certainly know more than I do."

She looks stunned and, perhaps, you hope, a little flushed. "How could you not have heard the turbolift theory?"

"I don't know how I missed it." You shrug, debating whether or not to offer up your own gossip. "I heard it was the Jeffries tubes."

The turbolift stops on the level for officers Quarters and you both step out, heading in the direction of your quarters. "What was?"

"The place of preference for... us. The Jefferies tubes. It's why so many of the crew can't sleep. Apparently you make a lot of noise."

"Should I offer them an apology for keeping them awake with noises that I didn't make during sex that we don't have?"

"I can't imagine that the crew will take that at face value. Before you know it, there'll be reports ship-wide about how ashamed you were at having been found out." When you reach your quarters, she follows you in, the conversation continuing even as she moves to the sofa and you call for a hot cup of coffee and an iced tea.

"You make a good point." She nods, pleased with your answer. "We could always circulate the truth about the Jeffries tubes. Oh, and the engineering console. And the sickbay biobeds, I believe."

You collect the beverages from the replicator and move to the sofa, offering the coffee to her. She smiles softly in thanks as you sit beside her, your body turned to face her. "I don't think Tom and B'Elanna will admit to any of those."

Actually, when you consider it, Tom is probably the one that started the rumor that it was you and the Captain in the first place.

She sighs. "Chakotay, why does the crew do this?"

You take a sip of the tea in your hands, contemplating the answer. "To be honest, I don't know."

"Well, what are your theories then?"

Kathryn knows you too well. "I figure either the crew is bored and this is their way of having a little harmless fun,"

"It's not exactly harmless to our reputations."

You leave that one alone. "Or, they think that you should be able to be free to have a life as well as a Captaincy and this is their rather twisted way of showing that they approve."

"That would be on par with locking us in the holodeck or organizing 'lift malfunctions, wouldn't it?"

"About the same standards, yes." You had wondered if she'd known the truth behind those 'accidents' and you mentally curse yourself for underestimating her.

"So why you, Chakotay?"

"Pardon?"

"Not that you aren't attractive," Did she just say what you think she just said? "But why have they chosen you to be my partner in crime, as it were?"

You don't miss a beat in replying. "Perhaps because we spend so much time together. They can see that you're comfortable with me and, even when you are distant from the crew," Her depression during the Void springs to mind and you feel the urge spring forth to hold her all over again. "You still seem to see me."

"Doesn't it bother you? That they speculate on our personal lives... that they wonder about what we really do together during our dinners. That they make up little sordid stories about us. I mean, this is the twenty-fourth century, surely a man and woman can just be friends?"

"Of course they can. B'Elanna and I are friends. You and Tuvok are friends."

"So why can't the crew think of our friendship as they do those?"

You can be honest here or you can lie and let her sleep better at nights. As you look at her face, open and trusting, you know that lying is not possible. Not to her. "They know that I'm not attracted to B'Elanna. And they know that you're not attracted to Tuvok."

"What makes them so certain that I'm attracted to you?"

Is she playing devil's advocate or does she really not see it, you wonder. "I think it's obvious."

"How so?"

"I..." You can't explain it. For all of the words in your vocabulary - in both your own language, Federation Standard and the few bits of other languages you know - there are not enough available for you to answer her. You sigh. "It just is."

She raises her eyebrow. "I need more than that, Chakotay."

Perhaps she really doesn't see it, you think. You're not sure if that should sadden you or not. She may have brought peace to you, but there is the possibility that you have merely complicated her life further.

You will probably regret this tomorrow, but since words fail you, you are left with little choice.

Taking her chin in your hand - carefully keeping hold of the half-full iced tea you still hold in your other hand - you turn her face so that she is facing the door to your quarters.

With the same hand, you run the pad of your fingertips across her cheek. Her skin is smooth, it feels more delicate than you had expected.

Moving your hand, you trace a line across her cheek, over her temple and down the side of her head. Bypassing her ear, you stroke her hair before you trace nonsensical patterns down her neck, feeling it pimple slightly as she shivers.

When your fingers reach the collar of her grey regulation turtleneck, you stop. Your hand rests there until you move it to cup her throat.

She does not ask you what you are doing, for which your are grateful. You cannot explain this anymore than you can explain the attraction between you.

Her own ragged breathing tells her more than you ever could.

When you speak, your voice is soft. "That's why they pair us together, Kathryn."

"I thought so." Her voice is sad. She does not want to accept that this is the way it is any more than you do. “I should go.”

“Probably a good idea.” You agree. You can’t ask her to stay. Asking her to stay would be asking a million other things and neither of you can commit to that.

“I’m sorry, Chakotay. I’m sorry that this is the way it is.”

“Me too,” You admit. “But I meant what I said on New Earth. You’ve given me peace.”

“Is that enough?” She asks and her voice waivers a little.

You touch her hand briefly, smiling. “For now.”

***

End