Title: Questions...
Author: Ky (Venom_69)
Fandom: Stargate
Category: Humor
Pairing: Sam/Jack, Kinda Daniel/Vala
Rating: Mature Peoples
Archive: My site. Anywhere else, sure, just let me know where so I can come visit.
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them.
Author’s notes: For napalm_isis. In My defense, I know nothing about Vala, so when she asked for Daniel/Vala... I had no idea. This is also insanely stupid!
Date: 16/04/06
Copyright © to Venom, 2006

***

“Daniel?”

Sigh. “Yes?”

“If I were on the phone to you –”

“As opposed to being here annoying me?”

Her hand ran down his torso and she pouted. On some women it may have been sexy. On Vala, it made Daniel think of a wounded puppy that should be taken to the vet. Immediately. Preferably to be put down. “Are you interrupting me?”

What did you think I was doing? “Of course not.” He smiled. Say it with me balls; We are not whipped. We are not whipped.

Vala grinned. Daniel was so whipped. “As I was saying, if I were on the phone to you, and I asked you what you were wearing…”

“Why would you ask me that?”

“That’s what I want to know. Why would someone ask that?”

“I don’t know.”

“And if I asked you how you felt about me licking ice cream from your torso?”

“Vala, we’ve been through this, we are not having sex. Especially with food involved!” Shudder.

His ears rang as she hit him upside the head. “This is part of the conversation over the phone, limp dick!”

Limp? Hell, around her, his equipment wanted to wave a white flag in surrender. “OK. Let me get the straight. You’re on the phone to me and you ask me what I’m wearing?”

“Right.”

“And the you ask me how I felt about you licking ice cream from my torso?”

“Yup. Now why would I be doing that?”

“Sounds like you’re having phone sex.”

“I am?”

“Well, ahem, in this context… I would say so.”

“But, in the office? With glass windows?”

Daniel had a sinking feeling in his stomach. “Vala, where did you hear this?”

“General O’Neill.”

“You called?”

Vala didn’t flinch as Jack entered, but Daniel paled slightly. “Jack.”

“Daniel.”

“What’s up?”

"I think Thor's finally gone off the deep end."

Daniel coughed, still slightly traumatized from the conversation with Vala. “Why?”

“Oh, he wants us to save the world again.”

“Are we going to?”

Jack shrugged. “Said I’d think about it.”

“Right… hey, weren’t you meant to be on your way to your Cabin by now?”

“Yeah, but I was on the phone with Carter and then Thor showed up… why are you looking at me like that?”

***

*facepalm*