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Title: Understanding
Author: Venom_69
Season/sequel: Set straight after D&C
Dedication: For
anyone who has ever had to cry into their carpet, if you haven't then I don't recommend it.
Date: 29-6-2002
~*+*~
She
didn't know what she needed.
She laid on the floor in her bedroom, fighting the memories that kept trying to surface.
The flashback's that she'd only every had on rare occasions seemed to be taunting her, haunting her, playing with her mind
until she felt like she was going insane. This was schizophrenia one a whole new level..
It was all too much to deal
with at this moment. She was trying to deal with Jolinar's memories that were mocking her, as well of the memory of the Colonel
confessing that he cared for her. The tears that she had managed to subdue started to fall, her arms instinctively wrapping
around herself as she curled up into a ball, hoping the Earth would open up and swallow her.
Just once Sam wished that
she had someone who would be here to hold her, help her deal with her own pain, and the pain that her memories were causing
her, just be what she needed to survive this ordeal.
She knew that she was grieving for Jolinar as well, when she'd
caught Martouf as he slumped lifelessly to the floor, Sam had felt as though the remains of the alien symbiot were controlling
her. When she'd gently kisses his lips goodbye, it wasn't Sam that was saying goodbye; it was Jolinar whispering words that
only she could hear, telling Martouf the she loved him and she always would.
She sobbed into the floor, the memories
that were not her own screaming in her head. Sam looked at her hands; she still had his blood on them. It was dried now, but
she hadn't noticed. As soon as Anise had promised that his death would not be in vain, Sam had left the mountain without even
bothering to change her blood stained fatigues, she probably had blood in her hair too.
The part of Sam's brain that
wasn't screaming told her that she should shower, change her clothes and get into bed, where she would undoubtedly be more
comfortable than on the floor. So she told her body to move, but her limbs felt heavy and she found herself sobbing harder
at her own inability to achieve mobility.
He looked up at her house, nervousness and uncertainty filling him. This
probably wasn't the right thing to do, all things considering, but when he'd gotten into his car to go home, it had brought
him here.
He knew that she was home, she'd left the base first chance she'd gotten and he knew that she would be very
confused, but as he thought about it, a thought suddenly occurred to him; what if his presence confused her more?
Sam
heard the car stop and forced herself to move to the window of her room, even if she practically dragged herself, she had
to look into the street and see who it was. She saw him sitting there, still in his car, obviously debating what to do and
when he looked up and saw her, he seemed to make his decision. He quietly opened his door. It was late and her neighbors were
probably asleep, and he really didn't need someone calling the police on him.
She dragged herself back towards the
door, but found a new batch of tears start to fall. This time she wasn't crying for what Jolinar had lost, she was crying
for what she could never have. Sam had often considered retiring before, and staying on as a civilian, but up until today
she wasn't even sure that he felt anything but professional and platonic friendship towards her.
Jack opened her door,
after lightly knocking. He didn't bother to call out, she'd seen him from her window and her eyes had told him how grateful
she was that he cared enough to come and see her, to understand her pain. He walked towards her bedroom, where he knew she
was.
He pushed the door open a little further than it already was and saw her, laying on her floor in the fetal position,
crying into her beige carpet. He quietly walked over to her, gently touching her back so that she was aware that he was in
the room.
Sam hadn't heard him enter, but she'd smelt it, and felt his body heat a he walked through her house towards
her. Jolinar's presence in her mind had heightened all of her senses, something that was new to her. She usually only had
short flashback's and some dreams, but the grief in her mind was so strong that all of her senses felt like they were on fire.
Jack
gently lifted Sam into his arms and cradled her like a small child while she cried into his shirt. He slowly stroked her hair,
and it was the that he noticed that a few of the silky blonde strands were stained with blood, as were her hands and fatigues
which she hadn't changed.
Neither said anything, they just sat there together with Jack rocked her back and forth,
hoping to ease her pain, if only a little. Sam looked up at him, her eyes glassy from crying. They stared at each other for
a moment and a few lone tears fell from Sam's eyes as she stared at him. Jack slowly and carefully brought his hand up to
her face to wipe the tiny droplets of moisture from her eyes, and she leaned into his touch.
"Thank you for coming."
She whispered, her voice sounding broken, unnatural and fragile even to her own ears.
"How could I not?" He asked,
his voice as quiet as her's. Sam smiled and she felt more tears slide down her face, wondering how much crying her tear ducts
could handle, no to mention how bad her eyes must look. "You should shower." Jack told her, glancing at her messed up appearance
and the blood stained clothes and her reddened skin.
"I don't want to move, my body feels very heavy at this point."
She admitted, with a watery smile.
Jack returned her small smile and picked her up. He gently laid her on the bed,
and walked into her ensuite, turning on the bath taps for her and putting in the plug before adding some bubbles. He waited
for a moment and reached into the bathtub to feel the water. He knew that Sam like hot baths, after their mission to Pyris'
planet he had run a hot bath for her. They had all come back from the mines incredibly dirty and the hot water had soothed
her aches and pains. She had accepted his help then and he was sure that she would appreciate it this time.
He turned
off the water, now full with bubbles, and walked back into the bedroom to find that Sam hadn't moved from where he placed
her on the bed. Jack leaned over and gently touched her hair, shaking Sam out of her memories. "I ran a hot bath for you."
He whispered, and she stared at him for a long minute.
Sam barely registered what he had said, but when his voice finally
reached her, she began to strip off her clothes, not bothering to cover her body. Jack helped her, and he surprised himself
immensely by managing to keep his thoughts on the task at hand, and not on her naked body. Jack kept telling himself that
he was here to help her, and not take advantage of the situation and it seemed to be helping with the task of keeping his
body, and hormones, in check.
Once Sam was completely stripped of her clothes, Jack picked her up and carried her into
the ensuite where he gently placed her into the water, listening as she moaned at the hot water seeping into her skin.
Jack
gently pushed her forward and grabbed the sponge and after thoroughly lathering it up with her body wash, he began to softly
massage the blood of her hands and arms.
Sam laid back and let Jack wash her body, enjoying the comfort that he offered,
the water making her feel almost calm again. For the first time that night, Jolinar's memories were no longer invading her
thoughts, they were silent.
Her hair was the last part of her body that Jack turned his attention to. He filled his
palm with the scented shampoo that he loved to smell in her hair. He slowly ran his finger through the silky strands, remembering
all the times on missions when he could feel the scent of her shampoo filling his nostrils.
Sam moaned again as his
hands ran easily through her hair, removing al of the blood from them, and making her feel somewhat human again. A feeling
that she was desperate to feel, which Jack seemed to understand.
Jack rinsed out her hair and helped her out of the
bath and into a large white fluffy towel that felt like there were hands caressing all of Sam's body at once. He picked her
up again and took her back into the bedroom. Once he made sure she was completely dried off, he pulled her pajamas out from
under her pillow. He found some underwear in her bedside draw, and he slipped them on and up over her hips, followed by long
pants and then a tight little top that showed off her beautiful figure.
He went back into her ensuite and picked up
her hair drier and brought it back into her room. Sam was still laying on her bed where he'd left her and he gently sat her
up, sitting behind her and letting her lean back against him while he plugged the hair drier in and began to dry her hair,
whispering to her comforting words.
Once he was satisfied that her hair was completely dried, he turned off the hair
drier, and supported her with one of his arms while he unplugged the small machine with the other. He picked her up in his
arms and pulled back the covers of her bed, gently laying her down. Pulling the blankets up over her, he returned the hair
drier to the ensuite.
"Do you need anything?" He asked quietly, stroking the hair from her face.
"Tell me how
you feel about me." She pleaded, her voice nothing more than a weak whisper.
"I love you." He admitted, wiping the
silent tears from her cheek.
"I love you too. Will you stay with me?" She asked, her eyes begging him.
"Forever."
He whispered, shrugging off his jacket and all of his clothes off, with the exception of his boxer shorts. He climbed into
bed with her and she immediately snuggled closer to him, the human contact welcomed by her confused heart.
"I'm going
to resign on monday." She told him quietly. "I want to be with you, and I'd rather stay on as a civilian."
"We can
talk about this in the morning, sleep Sammy." He mumbled, closing his eyes and sighing in contentment.
Sam let her
heavy eye lids slip shut as she though of what was to come on monday. Hammond would not be impressed with her decision, but
he'd become like a surrogate father to her and he would support her in whatever choice she made. He would understand her need
to be with Jack, and as she felt his warm body pressed against her, she knew that he was just what she had needed tonight.
He
was what she needed for the rest of her life, someone who understood her.
~*+*~
The end.
I have PMS and
a gun, did you have a question?
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