Title: Slip Of The Tongue
Author: Char & Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: ADULT
Summary: It would be a beginning.
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay, Mentions of past Kathryn/Other.
Spoilers: None... the show’s ended!
Warnings: Language, adult themes, sex.
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Santana & Chad Kroger. Char started this and, when Ky begged her to finish it, they ended up writing it together.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date Completed: 28/08/08

***

Like a gift from the heavens, it was easy to tell
It was love from above that could save me from hell,

She had fire in her soul, it was easy to see,
How the devil himself could be pulled out of me

***

“Be careful taking the ‘lift back, Captain. They’ve been down most of the day.”

“Thanks, B’Elanna.” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes; everything had been ‘down’ or ‘out’ today. “I’m going to take my chances. My knees won’t make it back by way of the Jeffries’ tubes. Just try to keep them running for the next five minutes, will you?” She headed out into the corridor and stood, silently waiting for her ride.

Kathryn had spent the better part of the past 24 hours in engineering, attempting to get all of the systems back online after a nasty battle with a species they never even identified. 

The attack had caught them off-guard and caused major system failures throughout the ship. And then they’d disappeared as quickly as they’d materialized, leaving the crew one hell of a mess to clean up. She’d worked under consoles for hours and the idea of climbing back to her quarters via the cramped Jeffries tubes made her miserable.

If she got caught in a turbolift, then she’d just curl up to take a nap. 

As she waited for the ‘lift, Chakotay rounded the corner and came to wait beside her. “You look like you could use some rest, Kathryn.”

“Why, thank you.” The reply was offered with a small smile. She noticed that he looked worse for the wear, as well. “That’s exactly where I’m headed.”

“You know the lifts have been down more than up, today. You sure you want to risk it?”

She offered a weak one-shoulder shrug, which was just about all she could muster. “I’m taking my chances, Chakotay. If the ‘lift stops working again, at least I’d get an opportunity to sit down.”

“Then I’ll chance it with you. My knees are a bit raw, too.” He looked down at his pants and bent his leg, showing a hole where skin peeked out. “I must have done miles already in the tubes today. Five decks is a long way to climb.”

“My thoughts exactly. We’ll risk it together.”  A warm smile crossed her face. 

Yes, there were many things less appealing than spending an hour or so in a turbolift with Chakotay. She wouldn’t get to sleep as soon as she’d like, but the peaceful conversation and the pleasant company would be welcome, as always.

Even still, she crossed her fingers that it would work.

The doors slid open and the two of them stepped inside. “Deck five.” He gave the destination of the officers’ quarters and they felt the subtle movement begin. 

Almost immediately, Kathryn noticed a fairly strong, and remotely familiar, smell. She curled up her nose and took a deep sniff. Looking toward her companion, she saw him subtly smelling the air, as well.

“That’s funny. I thought they said the ‘lifts have been down all day. What is it I can smell?” She moved around the space, sucking the air into her nose. 

She saw Chakotay’s face color slightly. 

Why, he looks almost embarrassed! Whatever could... Then it occurred to her the reason that it was only remotely familiar. It had been a long time... Sex. 

Kathryn felt the heat of color on her own face.  She risked a look at Chakotay and saw that he had added a tiny smile. 

He looked down and cleared his throat. “You know they’ve been offline most of the day...”

“I know that, but this is completely inappropriate! Computer, state the names of the last occupants of this–”

“Computer, belay that request. Halt turbolift.” 

Kathryn’s hands flew to her hips as she glared at him, the subtle movement stopping as the lift paused. “This is totally out of line! A turbolift is no place to be-" 

“Come on, Kathryn. Chances are a couple of crewmen were just finding creative ways to kill the time while stuck. That shouldn’t be a crime.”

“Crime, no, but it does deserve at least a reprimand. Computer, state the names-”

“Kathryn!” He grabbed her shoulders and made her look at him. “Don’t you remember being young and passionate, once?”

An unguarded, hurt look washed over her face.

Chakotay immediately wished he could pull the words back into his mouth and swallow them. Before she turned away from him, he saw the unmistakable glimmer of unshed tears pool in her lower lids and he rushed to make amends. “I didn’t mean it like that. I think you’re still young and passionate, it’s just that-”

“No, you don’t. And you don’t have to apologize.” Facing the opposite wall, she waved her hand, dismissing him, but her voice was thick with emotion. “I know how you and the crew see me and I’m sure it’s deserved.”

Chakotay gouged at his eyes. “Kathryn… You weren’t always the captain.” He moved behind her and touched her shoulder. “Wasn’t there ever a time that your passions made you a bit irresponsible?”

His words conjured up a vivid memory from her past…

“Missed me, huh?

“That was the longest three days of my life, Justin…” Kathryn nuzzled his neck and reached for his mouth, covering it with her own. They’d only been lovers for a few weeks before he had volunteered for this away mission.

“My quarters or yours?”  He pulled her to him, fitting their bodies together in the privacy of the turbolift ride.

“Neither… Celia’s on gamma shift, so she’s asleep, and Roscoe’s been using your quarters while they clean up the radiation in his…”

“So…” He moved his hands over her jumpsuit, feeling her curves and planes. “Where do you propose we greet each other properly?”

“Halt, turbolift.” She pushed her lover against the wall and started working at the zipper of her jumpsuit.

“Kathryn… We’ll get caught… Remember Dreyfus and McKinney?”

“We’ll just be faster than they were.” Working the shoulders out of her own jumpsuit, a voice from the above speaker froze her motions.

“Is there a problem with this ‘lift?”

“No sir, just trying to decide where to go.” Kathryn responded lightly, but struggled herself back into her uniform.

“Ensign Janeway?”

“Yes, sir?”

“I believe your post is empty. And you need to allow Lieutenant Tighe a chance to unpack and rest.”

“Yes, sir.”

Uniforms zipped and straightened, the doors slid open and they exited. “That bitch! I swear she follows us around waiting to catch us. I mean, what are the chances that she’d just happen to be looking at turbolift monitors?”

Justin reached for her hand, a calming motion. “It would seem that way…”

“Just because she’s not getting any herself, she can’t stand to see anyone else getting any, either…”

Yes, she knew just how the crew saw her. 

Had she really changed so much in a few short years? Facing the wall of the ‘lift, Kathryn attempted to swallow back the tears that she felt spilling over her lids, down her cheeks. Too late.  The back of her hand caught the first one before it dripped off her chin. 

Damn.

Chakotay’s words allowed Kathryn to see herself as her crew must see her. And she didn’t care for what she saw.

She’d become a cold woman whose youth lay trampled behind her, a forgotten garment shed during the long voyage home. And what made her so rigid about certain things? Had command in the Delta Quadrant made her so blind to her emotions?  Did she have to close herself off in order to maintain the necessary boundaries?

Chakotay squeezed at her shoulder, the gesture of a hug.

Horrified at her lack of control, her breath caught as she inhaled, a sob shuddering through her.

No. It was none of those things. She’d closed herself off to her own emotions, that was true.  But the reasons for doing so ran far more deeply than command, and stood behind her in the stalled ‘lift.

Chakotay. 

How many times had her attraction to him left her breathless and unstable? In the beginning, she’d felt out of control when left alone with him and the constant fear of overstepping the line had left her no recourse. 

Kathryn had shut down. 

She had shut down her desire, just as if there were a switch to flip. It wasn’t that difficult to do, just pretend it wasn’t there and pretty soon, it really wasn’t. Or so she told herself. 

But she recalled how her body had responded to his presence during their first few years in command. Her pulse would throb in her neck when he stood too close behind her. And how she’d loved to touch him! The warmth of his chest seeped through the jacket of his uniform whenever she had laid her hand on his shoulder. Her heart had matched the beat of his whenever she had rested her palm on his chest. But she’d closed it off when it became too dangerous for her.

She’d even gotten to where she could enjoy her deep friendship with Chakotay without the constant desire licking at her whenever they were alone together.

“Kathryn. I’m so sorry. It was a thoughtless thing to say.”

She swallowed, attempting to steady her voice. “But you’re right… I’m not the same anymore. But I’ve only done what I had to.” Hating herself for the quiver in her words, Kathryn felt her emotions spill over the edge of control and pummel into self-pity. She sniffled and then hung her head in a full out cry, the flippant comment being the proverbial straw to break her back.

A horrified Chakotay held her shoulders in his hands, feeling the sobs wrack her frame. He knew how exhausted she was, but this was more than a simple release. He’d done this to her. As good as called her a dried-up old maid. No one could possibly feel as much self-hatred as he did at this moment, but his concern for Kathryn allowed him to focus on her. He’d have time to kick the shit out of himself later.

Moving in front of her, he stood with his back resting on the wall of the ‘lift. “Kathryn… I didn’t mean it. I don’t see you that way, I swear…” 

Her face was in her hands as she cried. Chakotay’s heart ached for her, but he felt helpless to make it better. To his continued horror, she dropped to her knees in front of him, exhaustion and emotion overcoming her, tears and sobs falling with her.

He tried to lower himself along with her, but he was trapped against the wall. Her arms went around his knees as she further collapsed into him and her face buried in the hem of his jacket, hiding from him and wiping away her tears. 

Stroking at her hair, his brain tried to catalogue what she must be feeling and sort through words of comfort for her. Nothing came. 

He settled for her name, and murmured it repeatedly as he caressed and combed his fingers through her hair. It wasn’t much, but it might help her calm down and get back some control. He knew she hated to lose it like this in front of him. In all the years he’d served with her, he’d only seen her cry once, and that was at the death of a crewmember. A gentle glistening of the eyes, nothing like this painful scene. 

She’d hate herself for letting go in front of him like this. And she’d hate him for his words, but no more than he could hate himself. Snuffling her face against him, he felt the heat of her red face against his belly as her body continued to shake. 

At some point during her emotional breakdown, Chakotay liked to think that he could pinpoint the exact moment things changed, but he later realized this was a futile plight. Though, at first, his thoughts had been focused on just repairing the damage from his words, that seemed to have changed in little more than a heartbeat.

Kathryn’s face was pressed against his lower belly, her warm breath brushing over him even through his uniform. Her silky - though perhaps slightly dirty - hair tickled at his fingertips as he ran a comforting hand through the auburn strands that he had spent a pathetic amount of time studying over the years.

Added to the tactile sensations that being this close to her presented, his nostrils flared when he realized that a new scent had punctuated the air.

Despite the lingering smell of sex in the ‘lift, he could smell her, too.

Not her rose perfume dulled by the recycled air of the ship, but her. She’d been working for far too long, a lot of it physical labor, and the smell of sweat had clung to her like a thick cloak.

Almost automatically, his breath quickened.

He tried to stifle the natural reaction, but there was little that he could do to stop a certain part of his anatomy responding to her nearness. He’d never had as much control as he would have liked with her.

Kathryn’s face was pressed against his lower belly and, despite the lingering shudders that wracked her small frame as errant tears trickled from her eyes, she could feel him stirring against her cheek. At first, she hadn’t recognized the slight movement for what it was and the thought that it had been that long - so long that she couldn’t remember what it felt like to cause that kind of reaction in a man - made her even more determined to stop herself from turning into a dried up old maid.

That decision made, she curled her face inward, closer to the growing erection.

Unconsciously, she inhaled deeply, but couldn’t pick his scent from the residual scent that had started this whole mess. She wanted to know what he smelt like. She wanted to know what he would taste like.

Perhaps, more to the point, she wanted to know that she still had the ability to let her passionate nature show through the wall of protocol. She wanted him to know that she wasn’t just the sexless Captain that she had turned into over the years.

And, with that thought in mind, she set to work.

Chakotay tried to will it away. He used all of his old tricks to will it away, but even the thought of Seska in her ‘natural’ form couldn’t get rid of this baby. He forced himself to remember that Kathryn was upset and vulnerable and getting a hard-on when she had been doing nothing more than sobbing her heart out against him made him sick, perverted and pathetic.

Hopefully, his eyes flicked down, but the sight of her - her - so close to his erection only made him harden fully and he sighed quietly, so as not to startle her. He was so focused on willing his erection away - and dismayed at his lack of success - that he almost stopped registering exactly what she was doing until it was too late to stop her.

Slim hands traced random patterns against his charred uniform, tickling him through the material and doing absolutely nothing to help his self-control. Her touch was light and sweet, but sure and demanding all at the same time. It could have been innocent, only he knew that it really wasn’t and she had his pants open and his cock out before he even had a chance to gasp.

He looked down at her, planning to protest. Surely she wasn’t in the frame of mind to make this sort of a decision. He’d be the most selfish lout in the universe if he allowed her to go on with this after calling her a sexless old woman. But something stopped him from pushing her head away. Maybe it was the sight of her tongue circling the head of his cock.

By the time he sucked the drool off his lower lip and caught his breath, she was grinding her face against his groin, deep-throating him like a pro. 

“Uh… Kathryn… Captain… You don’t need to do this. I’m so sorry for what I said. Oh!” Her fingers worked under his sac, pressing the ridge behind them.

God! She knew what she was doing, he’d give her that. Hell, he’d give her anything, but he knew that nothing good would come of this. Intoxicated with fatigue, she’d eventually regret her lack of control and be embarrassed at the entire thing. Chakotay wasn’t delusional enough to think that this was the beginning of something, as much as he’d like it to be true. 

Reason chinked its way slowly past the lust slamming through his body, ending in the hard cylinder of flesh appearing and disappearing into her mouth. “No… We can’t do this… Not like this…”

He reached for her to push her off, honestly he did, but when his hands molded around either side of her head, he felt himself pushing her onto him as much as off of him. 

Shit, this wasn’t working at all. 

“Stop. You need to stop, we shouldn’t be… it’s not what you want…”

Either she couldn’t hear his protests or she simply wasn’t listening - and Chakotay wasn’t sure which he preferred at this point - but her mouth continued to work over the warm flesh almost reverently.

Kathryn sucked at him for all that she was worth, letting his entire length occupy her mouth and throat. The hairs at the base of his cock tickled at her face and she sighed around him, his scent and taste invading her senses and sending a steady hum of desire racing through her body, ending up in her clit.

She knew that he was speaking, but it was garbled in her mind as she kept her attention focused only on bringing him to completion. After he’d come down her throat, there’d be no doubt as to her ability to be a Captain and a woman with needs and wants.

Chakotay moaned loudly as her teeth scraped along the fat vein of his cock. It was almost - but not quite - enough to make him forget why she was doing this.

In his mind, he could see her doing just what she was now, her mouth working over his flesh as a pre-curser to making love. She would bring him to the brink of release before he’d push her off his throbbing cock. He’d force her to lie on the bed and he’d bury his face between her wet thighs. He’d taste and tease her before finally entering her. They’d make love, whispering words of tenderness, and, afterwards, she’d lie in his arms and sigh happily.

It would be a beginning.

No matter what he imagined, Chakotay knew that it wasn’t what this was about. She was proving a point to herself, nothing more, and he hated the fact that he hadn’t stopped her before they reached this point.

With his hands still holding her head, he tried to push her off him but it was a half-hearted attempt at best and he could feel his orgasm closing in on him fast. “No, Kathryn, no. You have to stop. No… no. God, stop.”

Like an echo bouncing across a great chasm, his words began to take form amid the fog of her lust. 

“Stop, Kathryn… you’ve got to stop…”

Horror didn’t even begin to label the emotion that slammed through her blood in the form of adrenaline, making her ears ring and face flame. Tears of shame pricked at her eyes and she could feel her stomach jump up to lodge itself firmly in her throat. The realization that her ‘gift’ was unwanted caused her to cease the loud slurping with a dropped jaw and pull away from him. 

A thread of saliva stretched and arced between her lip and his cock, growing longer as she eased away from him. When it finally snapped, the drop of moisture sprang back to her lip, tamping down any lingering erotic feelings she might have been experiencing.

Without the nerve to look up into his eyes, she wiped her lip with the back of her hand, turning away from him, too mortified to utter a sound, her hands shaking. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears and it masked the throb of desire from between her legs.

As if the ship herself watched the unfolding scene, Voyager decided at that moment to resume the turbolift’s operation and jolt into service.

Facing the far side of the ‘lift, Kathryn desperately attempted to extinguish the inferno burning on her cheeks with the palms of her hands, rubbing at them frantically. “I… I don’t know what to say…”

“Kathryn…”

“No. I was completely out of line. I don’t know what got into me.”

Chakotay tucked his fading erection into his slacks, fastening the closure. Seconds before they reached deck five, he managed a weak, “Halt turbolift.”

She glanced over her shoulder, seeing that he was decently covered before she said, “Resume.” Still facing the wall, she shot a hand up in the air, waving off any further comment by him. “If you don’t mind, I’d prefer not to talk about this right now. I’ll let Tuvok know that I’m placing myself on disciplinary review for my conduct.”

Moving toward her, he placed a hand on her shoulder as the doors opened. She flinched and shrugged out from under his touch, standing between the open doors before she finally looked at him. Kathryn jacked up her chin and focused on a point just below his. “I hope you’ll be able to forgive me at some time in the future.”

And at that, she turned on her heel and strode out onto the deck.

***

Chakotay watched her go, his mind blank.

For a long moment, he found himself unable to move - partially from shock and partially from the lingering hardness in his pants - and he stood at the entrance to the turbolift, staring blankly down the corridor where Kathryn had disappeared.

It was only the appearance of a crewmember wanting to use the ‘lift that startled him into action. He nodded and smiled and may have offered some kind of weak greeting - though he couldn’t be sure - before he took off in the direction that Kathryn had fled.

Though the corridor passed in a blur, he stopped at the entrance to his Quarters, hand hovering over the lock, and looked to the left, staring at her closed door. He didn’t know if it would be safer for him to leave her be or call on her and try to sort the situation out.

Taking a step towards her door, he paused.

What could he say to her? Really? ‘Thanks for the great head job, sorry I couldn’t let you finish’? There was no way that he could say that, and any reassurance he offered would be brushed away. That was, of course, if she opened her door at all.

Sighing, he keyed in the code to his Quarters and called for lights as he entered.

As much as he wanted to talk to her, Chakotay knew that now wasn’t the time. It was too soon. They were both tired and dirty and overworked and her emotions were too close to the surface and he wasn’t even sure what he felt at this point.

Stripping off his uniform as he moved to the bathroom, he sighed again when he thought of her tears against his belly as her small frame shuddered and shook against his leg, crying out years of frustration. Unbidden, the image of her on her knees, hot tears wetting her pale face, morphed into an image of her with her lips stretched around his cock, sucking for all she was worth.

No matter how much he willed it not to, the mental image caused him to fully harden again.

Torture.

That was what it had been.

Torture to know that she didn’t really want to be doing it. Torture to know that his careless words had pushed her to that point. Torture to think that he may never have the chance to be with her like that again. Torture to think that she might withdraw completely from him. Torture to wonder what would happen next.

As Chakotay stepped into the shower and called for the water to start, he slapped his hand against the tile and growled in frustration at his body’s reaction and his mind’s refusal to let it go. He wasn’t even going to contemplate what his heart was doing.

Though he knew he’d hate himself for it later, her face stayed in the forefront of his mind as his hand gravitated downwards.

***

Kathryn reeled through the corridor, uncertain which direction her body took. Her humiliation so profound, she blinked back tears of shame, wishing only for a private place to lick her wounds and bury her face in a pillow. Her quarters would be the best place for this, but she didn’t want to take a chance that Chakotay would seek her out and fumble through some sort of apology for not wanting her. 

Burying her face in her palms, she nearly collided with the wall before straightening her course and heading to security. Kathryn cleared her throat, attempting to dislodge the painful thickness. No such luck. “Janeway to Tuvok.” Her voice quavered in spite of the precautions.

“Tuvok here.”

“Please meet me in your office.” She decided that her best bet was to get through this as quickly as possible and stew out her shame in the brig. It might do her some good to confess to her old friend, as well. Perhaps Tuvok would give her the chance to grab a shower in the brig’s locker room before she began her sentence.

***

Tuvok meticulously lined up the four metal discs on his desk surface.  “As I understand it, your last act as captain is to remove yourself from command?”

“Precisely. I’ve transferred my command codes to Chakotay electronically and logged my reasons for my own removal as the ship’s captain.” Kathryn sat as calmly as she could in the chair in front of Tuvok’s desk. She knew he would ask more questions, she only hoped she’d be able to answer them without breaking down and embarrassing herself any more than she already had today.

“And you have resigned your captaincy because you say you are guilty of assault?”

“Yes.”

Tuvok looked at her as pointedly as a Vulcan could. “Whom, may I ask, did you assault?”

“Commander Chakotay.”

Pausing before he continued, Tuvok relaxed his jaw minutely. If Vulcan’s were known for their skepticism, Kathryn would have sworn he expected her to be joking, purely based on the size difference of the parties involved. Nevertheless, he took her words at face vale. “Has he received medical attention from the EMH?”

“No. This wasn’t quite that sort of assault.” She took a breath and steadied her voice before continuing. “I believe that he’s physically unharmed.”

“Would you please inform me as to what sort of assault we are discussing… crewman?”

Kathryn studied the backs of her hands and forced her voice to remain steady, ignoring the use of her new rank. “Sexual assault… I sexually assaulted the commander in the turbolift.”

Bracing herself for the disappointment she expected to see on her old friend’s face, she finally looked up. Tuvok’s eyebrows arched almost comically, even for a Vulcan.  If Kathryn weren’t so mortified, she’d have laughed out loud.

“And this assault was… unwelcome?”

“Of course it was unwelcome, or it wouldn’t be assault!” Kathryn snapped.

“I see.” He steepled his fingers in front of his face, pondering what to add. “It is customary that both parties be present for such questioning. It is often necessary to determine if any transgression has been committed.”

There was no way in hell she would be able to talk about this with Chakotay in the room. That would make her humiliation complete. “That’s not necessary. I was there. He said, ‘No’ and I didn’t stop. End of inquiry. Both parties only need be present when guilt is under question. In this case, it is most definitely not in question.”

“I see. You say the commander is physically unharmed. What about his emotions? Is he psychologically damaged?”

“I don’t know. I hope not, but that’s not something you need to discuss with me. You’ll have to get the details from him.” Kathryn stood up. “May I use the locker room to recycle my uniform and take a brief sonic shower? I didn’t stop by my quarters before heading here. I’m a bit ripe.”

Tuvok stood. “Yes. When you are finished, I’ll dismiss the ensign staffing the brig and check you in myself.”

“I’d appreciate that. I suppose you’ll have to check with Chakotay to see how long he determines my sentence should be.” Her stomach clenched at the thought of him having to decide her sentence.

Chakotay was, if nothing else, an honorable and decent man and Kathryn knew that he would find some way to blame her actions on himself. Hell, she knew damn well that he would flat-out lie in order to protect her. Which was exactly the reason she’d gone to see Tuvok herself.

Her old friend nodded, oblivious to the nausea she felt. “I will most certainly do that.”

***

“What the hell is going on, Tuvok?! I get an electronic transmission while I’m in the shower that says I’ve been promoted to captain and then when I try to talk it over with Kathryn, the computer tells me she’s in the brig. I want some answers, and I want them now!”  Chakotay paced up and down in his quarters while Tuvok stood at parade rest.

“The captain stripped herself of rank and sentenced herself to the brig.”

“Why?” Tuvok had his attention now. 

“She insists that she is guilty of sexual assault.”

Chakotay let out a groan and slumped himself onto the sofa.  “Oh, God! I didn’t think she’d really go through with it! I just thought she was embarrassed.” Apparently so…

“Perhaps I would be of more assistance if I knew precisely what transpired between you.”

“Okay… I’ll tell it. But you’d better sit down. I don’t intend to mince any words and I’m not in the mood to look up at you the whole time.”

Tuvok sat rigidly on the edge of the sofa. “She was concerned about your mental state.”

He’d seen Kathryn do some stupid things during their time together, but this… “My mental state?! She’s the one stripping herself of rank and checking herself into the brig and she’s concerned about my mental state?”

Tuvok ignored his outburst. “Please proceed, Commander.”

“Right.” Chakotay scrubbed a hand over his face and steeled himself, willing his mind - and another key area - to not get lost in memory. “Well, we were both pretty tired and took the chance to ride back to our quarters in the ‘lift, even though it had been offline most of the day. It became apparent pretty quickly that the last occupants of the ‘lift had found some more interesting ways to kill the time.”

“Explain, please.”

“Sex, Tuvok… The place reeked of sex.”

“Ah.”

“So Kathryn calls for the names of the last occupants so she can chew them out, I guess, and I stop her from finding out.”

“What was your reasoning?”

Chakotay dug at his face with the tips of his fingers. “I guess I was tired and not thinking clearly. I said something awful that I immediately regretted, but I’m sure it has bearing on how she reacted.”

“What did you say to her?”

“I asked her if she remembered what it was like to be young and passionate.” Chakotay paused and felt the heat rush to his face as he looked at Tuvok. 

For an emotionless race, Vulcan’s could register pain in their eyes, Chakotay quickly learned.

Dropping his head onto the back of the seat, he reined in his own tears. Quietly, he said, “I know. It was a stupid thing to say. And I didn’t even mean it, you know? I was just angry that she’d be so rigid that she’d call someone up on the carpet for taking advantage of a downed ‘lift. I mean we’ve all done it at some point in our lives, right?” Pulling his head up to look at Tuvok, Chakotay amended that to, “Well, most of us have.”

“How did the captain react to your statement?”

“She turned away and then before I knew it, she was crying. I tried to tell her I didn’t mean it, but she kept crying. She wrapped her arms around my legs and buried her face in my uniform. And then… I felt myself… responding to her.”

“In what way?”

He’d always hated it when he had to explain the nuances of something. It happened with a lot of races. If he’d said that to Tom, the young man would have got it right away. Tuvok required a translation and Chakotay wasn’t mincing words. “I got an erection. She was rubbing her face against me and I got hard. I guess she saw the opportunity to show me that she wasn’t as old and without passion as I thought she was, so she opened my pants.”  Chakotay took a deep breath, but didn’t risk looking at Tuvok. “I wanted it, but I didn’t want her to do it to try to prove anything. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind to make those kinds of decisions. So I told her no. And then I guess I told her no a few more times.”

“And at any point did you attempt to remove her mouth from you?”

“Well, yeah… I mean, I told her to stop. But, no… I didn’t force her to.”

“You have superior strength and ceasing her actions should have been simple for you.”

Chakotay glared at him. “I know. I guess my heart wasn’t in it. I mean, I was enjoying it, even though I knew it was wrong on several levels.”

“But if you logically knew it was wrong, then why-”

“Tuvok! I’m saying that even though I knew it was wrong, I damn near ejaculated before she finally heard me saying no. I wanted it! God, I wanted it… I guess I’m just weak.”

There was silence for a moment - he was probably trying to pry his eyebrows from his hairline - before Tuvok spoke. “I do not believe that your… enjoyment of the situation is a sign of weakness.”

“I could have stopped her.” Chakotay lamented, shaking his head. “I should have stopped her.”

“You are responsible for determining her sentence.” Tuvok reminded him. “It would be best if you informed her.”

Chakotay snorted. “She’s not going to serve time for giving me…” He stopped himself before he finished the sentence with a colloquialism that the other man in the room wouldn’t appreciate. “I need to inform the Captain of my decision.” In his mind, he began to construct what he would say to her, how he would make this right. “Yes… I need to talk to her about this.”

“Perhaps it would be better to speak with her in the morning.”

“No,” He shook his head and stood. “This ends now.”

Ignoring Tuvok’s response, Chakotay turned and left his Quarters, headed for the brig.

***

Kathryn knew exactly who entered the brig, despite the fact that her eyes were closed. She could hear the low muttering of voices as he spoke with the officer that had been monitoring her.

She could only imagine what the young crewman thought as he watched his Captain sitting in a cell like a common criminal. She wondered what he thought of the First Officer - now, technically, Captain - coming in to deliver her sentence. She sighed.

It didn’t matter what he thought anyway, she deserved to be here.

Sitting on the hard bed, Kathryn kept her knees up near her chest, her arms around them as her head rested back against the wall. She kept her eyes closed when she heard the force field blink out of existence and she waited for him to speak, but several seconds passed with nothing. She heard footsteps and then the sound of the force field snapping back into place. That sound did make her push her back from the wall and open her eyes as she looked up at Chakotay, standing just inside the cell.

Though she desperately wanted to open her mouth and say something, question him, apologize, embarrassment still coursed heavily through her and the weight of those feelings made it almost impossible to form a coherent sentence. She met his eyes hesitantly, the sharp tinges of humiliation burning her cheeks.

“If you’re guilty,” Chakotay started, shrugging, “then so am I.”

Kathryn didn’t remember him on his knees, his mouth against her cunt while she whimpered various versions of ‘no.’

The bitter thought sprung to mind with a flush of self-loathing, but that feeling only lasted a split second before she was assaulted with the images of him doing just that. It was with startling clarity that she could imagine his mouth moving between her legs, pulling and sucking and biting and nipping and driving her slowly insane while his eyes watched her face over the slope of her belly and breasts, dark pools of desire slowly coaxing her to orgasm.

“I didn’t stop you,” Chakotay continued, unaware that the stain on her cheeks had changed from embarrassment to the slow burn of arousal. “I knew exactly why you were doing it and I knew that you would regret it later. I should have stopped you.”

“You said no.” She replied quietly, her eyes downcast and her voice low. Dimly, she was aware that the security officer had quietly slipped out of the room, leaving them to have it out in whatever capacity they could. The Brig was soundproofed for a reason and Kathryn wouldn’t have been surprised if the door to the main room was locked and sealed with a command code.

“Kathryn, look at me.” He spread his arms wide, bringing her attention back to the man before her. “Do you really think I couldn’t have stopped you if I’d wanted to?”

Though he had a point - and she was going to ignore the sharp feeling that hit her clit at the thought of him forcefully removing her mouth from his cock to push her against the wall and… - she shook her head. “That’s not the point.”

He sighed. “You think you took advantage of me? Well, I took advantage of you too. And since the punishment for that, these days, is to be stripped of rank and locked in the brig…” he folded his arms across his chest determinedly. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to stay here with you and wait for Captain Tuvok to decide to let us out.”

Kathryn opened her mouth to protest, but no sound came out.

She watched with slightly wide eyes as he moved to sit beside her, long legs stretched out in front of him. Chakotay was pressed lightly against her from shoulder to hip and it was distracting to feel the warmth he generated in the slightly cool room.

They sat like that, bodies barely touching, their breathing the only sound in the otherwise empty room, for almost a full ten minutes. The silence was deafening and Kathryn had the burning urge to either say something or hail Tuvok to get her out of there before she offered herself to her - former - first officer.

Before her hand could reach up to tap the comm. badge still attached to her jacket, Chakotay broke the silence that had settled between them.

“Why did you lock yourself in here?”

She shrugged, her gaze firmly focused on the empty console in the other room. If she looked at him, she wouldn’t have a hope in hell of constructing a sentence. “It’s the appropriate punishment for a…” God, she thought desperately, I’m a sexual predator.

“For a…” he repeated, but she didn’t elaborate and he continued, “what, Kathryn?”

There was no way she was going to voice that little revelation. “Me.”

Lapsing into silence again, Kathryn rested her chin on her knees and sighed as she stared at the floor.

A hand touched the small of her back. “I wanted you.” His voice was low, the melody of his words like a lovers touch under a warm blanket on a cold winter day and his fingers danced over her skin, through the material of her uniform, almost absently. “I wanted you to keep going. I wanted to take you back to my quarters and do more. I wanted that to be the start of something between us, something that we’ve been avoiding for years. But I didn’t want it to be a reaction to me saying something stupid.”

Her head spun with the images that his words conjured. “It wasn’t stupid.”

“You are not old, Kathryn.” He told her firmly. “And I can wholeheartedly assure you that you are not sexless.”

Given that her most recent sexual encounter had come with jail time, she wasn’t inclined to believe that and she snorted her protest.

“Tuvok questioned me.”

She struggled for a moment at the change in topic and tone, her mind sluggish as she tried to keep up with what he was saying, her thoughts focused on the touch of his hand against her spine as he traced a path upwards, tickling each vertebra. It took a moment for the meaning of his words to hit her but, when they did, she gasped, her head snapping up and her eyes making contact with his. “I told him not to.”

“You really thought he would just let you lock yourself up without even asking me if I felt it was necessary?”

“You should only have been questioned if my… guilt” She stumbled over the word, a lump lodged firmly in her throat. “…was in question. It wasn’t.”

“I think it was.”

“How can it have been? You said no.” The memory of his voice piercing her hazy fog of lust, the memory of his desperately uttered ‘No’, would be haunting her for a long time to come. No pun intended.

“I said no because I didn’t think you were in the right frame of mind to make that kind of decision.”

“Decision?”

“Did you really think I was going to come down your throat and then pretend it never happened? Did you really think I was going to let you prove some kind of point and then let you walk away and slip back into the parameters of our somewhat unconventional friendship?”

Well, that had been her goal at the time, yes. But that wasn’t his style, even if it was, apparently, hers. “I…” She shrugged, no real answer forthcoming.

“My point, Kathryn, is that I didn’t say no because I don’t want you.”

Though she heard the sincerity in his voice, when she finally forced herself to look at him, Kathryn was hit with the truth on his face. She could see everything that she had blinded herself to over the years and she was struck by the intensity of his gaze. Much like the hand that still danced across her back, his dark eyes caressed her face. Moisture pricked at her eyes for the third time that day. “I thought…”

“I know what you thought.”

“…I’m sorry.” She shrugged helplessly, unsure of exactly what else she could say to him at that point.

“Oh, honey, I know.” With more grace than she would have imagined possibly, Chakotay managed to maneuver her body until she was held securely in his lap, her mouth touching his neck as she breathed in the scent that she had only gotten a small taste of in the turbolift. Hiding her face in the warm skin above his rank bar, Kathryn let a few droplets of saltwater leave her eyes. They ran partway down her cheek until the slope of her skin forced them to stain the grey collar of his shirt.

Chakotay held one hand across her lap, keeping her in place as he pulled his feet up to rest flat on the floor, providing more stability under her small body. The other hand wound around her back, cupping her hip protectively. He could feel the bone protruding against his palm and he thought, not for the first time, how small and fragile this woman really could be, despite the size of her brain, second only to the stubbornness that made her seem so deceptively large. He kissed the top of her head, drinking in the fragrance that had always been too close to him and never near enough.

The small touch to her hair was enough for Kathryn. The tears that had stung her eyes dissipated almost instantly and the set of her shoulders changed from defeat back to wanting. She pulled away from the tempting skin of his neck before she started nibbling on it and she forced her side away from his broad shoulders and chest before she rubbed her hands across him. By the time she pulled back far enough to be able to look at him. Kathryn was sitting upright in his lap, her body facing the wall as she turned her face to meet his eyes.

As he watched the play of emotions on her face - confusion and, he hoped, desire, being the prominent ones - Chakotay knew without doubt that, if he didn’t make the first move here, she wouldn’t. He imagined that, even if it was more than wishful thinking and he did see the thrum of arousal racing through her, she would never again try anything unless he started it.

Though he didn’t blame her for the trepidation, for a long moment, he regretted stopping her in the turbolift. He could have let her finish him off. He could have slid down the wall and pulled her to him. He could have used his hands and mouth to make her cry out and he could have invited her to his bed. He could have claimed her as his, much as he had longed to since they met.

Banishing the loathing that threatened to swallow him, Chakotay returned his attention to the woman in his lap. She watched him quietly, waiting for him to either do something or pat her on the back, remind her that she was his best friend, and call Tuvok to let them out. She was waiting for him to reinstate the, somewhat frustrating, status quo that they had managed to perfect over the years.

He wondered if there was any way that he could be stupid enough to push her away again, but didn’t let himself consider it for very long.

With the hand that had been lying across her lap, he cupped her cheek and pulled her face closer to his, letting their lips touch. She was soft under his mouth, but he could feel the tension and he licked at her bottom lip, teeth gently nipping. He could feel her caution as their mouth’s touched. He continued tasting her, patient and content with whatever he could get at this point, until she made a delightful little sound in the back of her throat and opened her mouth under his.

“Chakotay,” She sighed against his mouth as he took possession of her lips. “What are you…”

“Doing?” He asked when she trailed off. He licked the corner of her soft lips, delighting in her responsiveness. He’d been worried that she would retreat into her shell after everything that had happened today, but the way she curled into him told him that those fears were moot now. “I’m finishing what we started.”

“What we…?” her thoughts weren’t as organized as normal and Kathryn was having a hard time trying to form a coherent sentence again.

“We’ve been dancing around this for a long time, Kathryn.” He kissed her quickly, sweetly, before pulling back to meet her hazy eyes. “Don’t you think it’s time we finally did something about it?”

She nodded malleably, too absorbed in the soft timber of his voice to really hear the words. “What did you have in mind?”

He kissed her cheek, amused that she could seem so innocent after everything that had happened in the last twelve hours. Chakotay wondered if she knew that her hip was rubbing against the erection in his pants. He suspected she didn’t, bless her. “I was thinking that we’d start with this,” He pulled the zipper of her jacket down, pushing it off her arms easily, “And then this,” her shirt followed, “This,” he pushed her to stand between his spread thighs and he worked at the button and fly of her uniform pants until she shimmied out of them, kicking her boots and socks off too, “and this.” She pulled her tank top off with little urging, leaving her in her underwear before him. “White lace?”

Red stained her cheeks again. “I…”

“I approve.”

She nodded, not quite prepared to admit to herself that his approval meant something to her.

“I like them on,” He told her honestly, his gaze sweeping over her body, “But I suspect I’ll prefer them off.”

Kathryn took the hint for what it was. Reaching behind her back, she unhooked her bra and the straps automatically began to fall. Something stopped her from letting go of the material completely, though, and she stood still, her breasts loosely covered by the fabric.

Chakotay watched her quietly and wondered if he’d be kicking himself for calling her old until the returned to Earth. “You’re beautiful, love.”

Swallowing, she let the bra fall to the floor to join the rest of her clothes. If she let it, doubt would sink in and she’d have to fight not to cover herself. Instead, she blanked her mind to everything and instead pushed the sides of her underwear down until she kicked them off and stood before him, naked.

Chakotay swallowed as well, his breath catching as she stood before him. He could see her hands twitching as she tried to remain still and he understood where her fear came from. The artificial light of the brig was harsh and unflattering, but he’d never seen anything quite as beautiful and awe-inspiring as the woman before him.

He stood, looking down at her as their gazes met and held. Her hands reached for the zipper of his jacket, but he shook his head slightly. “Not yet, sweetheart. Sit down for me.”

Complying, Kathryn swapped places with him and sat on the bench that he had only just vacated.

Smiling, Chakotay knelt before her and pressed her knees apart, opening her legs and allowing his eyes to wander over the wet, pink, flesh that she so trustingly allowed him to see.

Dampness matted the dusting of auburn hair that covered her mound and it glistened in the light. He would have happily sat and watched her for an eternity, but her hips made little thrusting motions and he knew that she was probably teetering on the brink of something wonderful, and he didn’t have the heart to make her wait.

Holding her thighs apart with his hands, Chakotay leant forward and let his lips touch her sex. He wanted to taste her more than he wanted his next breath and he moved his hands to her folds, spreading her open for his questing tongue as it danced around the tight ring of muscle at her opening while his fingers teased and tickled the lips of her cunt.

Kathryn gasped when his tongue touched her sensitive flesh. Despite the rollercoaster of emotions that they had both been through today, she had been wet and aroused since he’d been in her mouth. Guilt had been the only thing that stopped her from using the memory as masturbation fodder but, now, that wasn’t something she was going to have to think about, she realized as his tongue pushed into her.

Chakotay used his tongue to stretch her opening. It filled him with a cave-man-like kind of satisfaction when her muscles protested, a testament to her celibacy. When he wiggled inside, he was delighted by how tight she was. He wondered, briefly, if she owned some kind of phallic object that she used on herself - and didn’t that thought do wonders for his self-control - but he found himself uncaring as she stretched to accommodate him.

When she was relaxed, her pliant flesh welcoming the invasion of his tongue, he moved upwards to suckle at her clit, pulling it into his mouth, swiping across it with the flat of his tongue, tasting her and swallowing the moisture that her body produced, the small bumps of his taste buds scratching slightly against her sensitive skin. He moved the forefinger of his right hand and pushed it into her wet heat.

Her body took his finger easily and, when he was satisfied, Chakotay used the forefinger of his left hand to join the other already embedded in her. Pulling this way and that, he stretched her, preparing her for what was to come next.

Kathryn groaned and threw her head back. The sound of her skull bouncing against the wall of the brig echoed throughout the room - coupled with the sound of her heavy breathing and his sucking - but it was the furthest thing from her mind as he sent her higher and higher towards oblivion.

With both of his fingers pulling at her flesh, Chakotay used his thumb to catch the droplet of wetness that ran from her. Maneuvering himself as best as he could, he used his thumb to smear the wetness around her other, tighter, forbidden hole, threatening her with the slight pressure against her anus.

For a moment, Kathryn’s mind shut down and she had no choice but to let him control her body however he wished. If he was going to fuck her up the ass, she realized, she wasn’t going to do a damn thing to stop him. The thought both terrified and thrilled her at the same time - he would, surely, hurt her, but how would it feel to be so full? - but he didn’t give her much time to consider it as he dipped his thumb inside; just enough to give her a taste, but not enough to hurt her.

With three highly sensitive spots being stimulated, her impending orgasm came upon her even faster than she’d imagined. She was ready to fly over the edge when Chakotay pulled back, removing all of himself from her.

She whimpered. At any other time and she would have thought herself pathetic but, now, all she wanted was for him to fuck her until she screamed. “But…”

“Soon, love.” Chakotay placated, pulling her tense body forward and away from the wall for another kiss.

Her legs wrapped around his hips, holding him against her as his cock - which she now knew with certainty was something straight from heaven - rubbed against her oversensitive flesh through his uniform, her nipples receiving the same harsh treatment from the stiff Starfleet material. Kathryn knew that she was leaving a stain on his pants but neither of them seemed to care as their tongues battled for dominance.

She could taste herself on his tongue and, at any other time in her life, she would have found it disconcerting but, now, with him, like this, it was potentially the most erotic thing she’d ever experience and she licked and sucked until she could taste herself with the underlying maleness of him.

Chakotay pulled back, their faces inches apart and he smirked. “How have you managed all of this time without someone in your bed, Kathryn?” She was far too passionate to be celibate, it was a waste of a good woman - not that he wanted her with anyone but him, of course.

Kathryn didn’t respond, merely shrugged. She could have told him she’d been the whore of the Delta Quadrant - which he would know was a lie - or she could tell him that she was bordering on carpal tunnel syndrome from all the time she’d spent rubbing her clit raw to thoughts of him.

Instead, she brought their lips together again and kissed him with more emotion than passion, letting him feel and taste everything she felt for him.

Her hands fumbled with the zip of his pants again. With both hands thrust between their bodies, already so close together, Kathryn found that her attempt to free his cock meant that her own flesh was being stimulated. Unashamed, she rubbed her clit against the protruding bone of her wrist.

Chakotay pulled back from the kiss, looking down between them to watch her. She worked to remove his pants and his eyes widened as he watched her rub herself, straining towards release. Cruelly, he batted her hands away, both amused and aroused by her cry of disapproval. “I’ll watch you do that some other time.”

With Kathryn still kneeling above him, Chakotay unzipped his own pants, using some stupidly un-graceful movements to get them down to his knees. That was as far as he got, though, because her small hand was palming his hot erection the second it was free of the black material. She worked him expertly - which, now, she pretty much was - and his hips bucked.

He let her continue for as long as he could, but he was teetering on the brink of orgasm himself and he didn’t want to come all over her stomach and have that be it. At least, not this time.

Tugging her back up his body, Kathryn let him move her until she was hovering above his erection. He could almost feel the heat from her centre and it was driving him mad.

Kathryn moved to lower herself onto him and Chakotay stopped her, one hand holding her hip, the other moving to cover hers over his hot flesh. “No.”

She whimpered, confused. “But…”

“Shhh.” Guiding her, he moved the head of cock to press against her clit, forcing her hand to follow his rhythm as he rubbed against her.

Kathryn whimpered again, finding herself once more at the brink. Her body screamed, unfulfilled, and she knew that he could finish her off like this so easily. She wanted it all, though. “Please.”

He understood all too well what she was feeling and he ended the torture for them both, moving her hand until the head pushed against her tender opening, the flesh stretching as she lowered herself.

She kept her movement slow, lowering herself, letting her pliant flesh stretch over his shaft. It should have been more painful than it was, but Kathryn took no notice of whatever discomfort there was, her body crying out for him to fill her completely. Her eyes were wide when she realized that he was buried to the hilt. She stared at him, breathing hard, her emotions all over the place.

Chakotay smiled as he watched her. He forced himself to pay attention only to what he saw, not what he felt. He was ready to come and he wasn’t prepared to disappoint her. Balls deep in her soft body, he wondered if anything would ever be the same again. He wondered if he’d care and, once he decided that the answer was officially no, he moved both hands to her hips and helped her move upwards until only the head was inside of her.

She let herself sink back down again, taking him all in easily. Quickly, they found a rhythm that suited them, Kathryn rising and falling on the cock of her first officer. She’d only just decided that this was the best kind of punishment in the world when it was over. Her body had been overly aroused for too long and she couldn’t hold back the tidal wave of emotions, once it started.

Crying out loudly, her internal muscles gripped him like a vice as she came, and Chakotay couldn’t stop himself from flying over the edge with her, both of them crying out in tandem as her emptied himself within her. He felt like he was on fire, the fluttering from her sweet flush prolonging the orgasm until the point where he thought he might actually pass out.

Kathryn, for her part, slumped forward, her face buried in his neck again. This time, she didn’t hesitate to suck at the warm skin she found there and she took her fill now, feeling him jerk as he softened within her. She panted around his flesh, not letting go until she had tasted as much of his skin as her questing mouth could reach.

She could feel him stirring in reaction, still inside of her, and she pulled back to meet his eyes while she grinned. “Again?”

“Why don’t we try a more comfortable location, this time?”

“That can be arranged.”

Though she was sparring with him as she would on any other day, Chakotay had no doubt that the events of today would probably haunt her for a while. If that meant he had to have sex with her every day - multiple times, in quiet space - until she was convinced that he wanted her, well… he’d suffer through. For her. But only because he was that kind of guy. “Your Quarters or mine?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Does it matter?”

“You’re not going to lock yourself in the Brig again, are you?” His tone was light, but a little knot of fear formed in his belly.

Kathryn shrugged. “Only if you have a kink that you haven’t mentioned.”

Well, now that he thought about it like that…

He’d save that one for later.

***

End