Title: Acceptance
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: Age Friendly.
Summary: "You just have to accept it and move on, right?"
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: None.
Prompt Number for fic101: 32 - Sooth
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Celine Dion & Bee Gee’s. The prompt was meant to be ‘soothe.’ Imagine my distress to find the typo in there. Imagine me looking the damn word up and actually having to use it. Imagine me kicking my own arse. That’s was how this went.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 31/01/07

***

I have found a dream that must come true
Every ounce of me must see it through
But you are my only

***

Kathryn wished that it had been different.

Different for Joe Carey, Stadi, Hogan, Suder, her entire medical staff, the innocents; every one that was lost.

As she looked across the room and saw Chakotay's hand resting delicately on the small of Seven's back - her very exposed back - Kathryn amended her mental list to include her own name.

Ignoring the site, she turned back to the wall in front of her.

She ran her fingertips over the memorial plaque, over the names of the dead. The words 'For Sooth We Fought' spanned the top of the list in calligraphic writing and she touched each letter gently.

"It's a short list."

She turned to face the man beside her, smiling gently. "Considering how long we were out there, it is. But it feels a lot long."

Owen patted her hand. "The lists always do."

"You just have to accept it and move on, right?"

"That's about it." He followed her line of sight as she turned her head and Kathryn heard Owen snort. "My new daughter-in-law tells me that he's being a P'taq."

"Who?"

"The man you keep looking at."

Kathryn turned back to him and blushed. "It's new."

"I know."

Her gaze returned to Chakotay and his date for the evening, her voice quiet. "No one is really used to seeing them together."

Owen snorted again and sipped from the glass in his hand. "The way I hear it, no one wants to see it."

Turning quickly back to her old teacher, Kathryn studied his serious face. "Let them be, Owen. They seem happy."

"And you?"

"I got them home didn't I? I got what I wanted." She shrugged and tried to smile.

It felt like that was all she'd been doing for the past month; trying - and, perhaps, failing - to smile for everyone.

She was happy to be home, happy to have been in her mother's arms once more, but there was something missing, something not quite right.

When she saw Chakotay's thumb stroking Seven's back, Kathryn knew exactly what that was.

She sighed and turned her body toward Owen, determined not to ruin her evening by staring at the 'happy couple.'

"It doesn't matter now." She clinked her glass against his. "We're home and it's time for me to start fresh."

Owen nodded and she knew that he didn't believe a word of it. "You know you have to dance with him tonight."

"I'm aware of that." She was also aware that the crew would watch in fascination to see what came of that dance. They were all expecting something to finally come about. They're all in for disappointment then, aren't they? She thought.

"Might be a good time."

"For?"

He smiled enigmatically and walked away to find his son, leaving Kathryn looking after him with a curious expression on her face.

***

Their dance, when it came, was exactly the spectacle for the crew that Kathryn had expected.

Starfleet had taken the thought of their dancing together to be the personification of a united crew. The Voyager bunch - as Tom had named them - just wanted to see their two Commanding Officers 'finally do something'.

She'd slipped into his arms easily - they had been doing this for years, after all - and managed to keep her face in his direction while her eyes darted around the room.

"Congratulations, Admiral."

His arms held her firmly as they moved to the slow beat of the music. "And to you too, Captain."

Kathryn had hoped that they'd be able to get through this without speaking, but after about fifteen seconds of tense silence, she knew that there was little chance of that happening. Aside from her own desire to run, the fact that the crew were watching was in the forefront of her mind. "Quite a turn out tonight."

He nodded a little in agreement. "Everyone wants to celebrate." taking a deep breath - his chest brushed hers at the action but that was a whole other issue - Chakotay held her eyes with his. "I'm sorry that we didn't tell you. That I didn't tell you."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow. "I saw your face when we came in."

Her face?

Oh Lord, she could imagine.

The Admiral - that was her now, wasn't it? Oh God... - had told her of their relationship, of course. There was very little that the Admiral hadn't told her. But still, seeing them together for the first time, at Voyager's Welcome Home Gala no less, had shaken her a little.

Admit it, Kathryn. It shocked the hell out of you.

"I was surprised," She admitted. "But so was everyone else."

"I don't care what anyone else thought." Chakotay shrugged a little. "I do, however, care what you think."

"Why?" It was out of her mouth before she could think about it.

"You know why."

"Do I?"

"You've know 'why' for years, Kathryn."

"What would you like me to say?"

"The truth would be nice."

She raised and eyebrow, unconsciously digging her fingers into his shoulder. "Are you implying that I've been lying to you?"

"I'm implying that you, perhaps, have been holding back."

"Holding back what, exactly?"

"How you feel."

"Oh for God's sake!" She dropped her hold on him and took a step back. "Grow up, Chakotay."

And she marched herself out of the ball room, fascinated crew be damned.

***

"Quite a show."

Kathryn turned and sighed. Another Paris? "It wasn't supposed to be."

"We figured."

She nodded and turned back to her study of the moonlight as it fluttered across San Francisco bay.

Home.

Right.

"Captain?"

Kathryn didn't correct him on her rank; she had a feeling she'd be 'Captain' to the crew forever. "Yes?"

"He loves you."

She folded her arms across her chest. "Thank you for sharing that thought, Mr. Paris. If you don't mind, I'd like a few moments alone."

"You should tell him."

Kathryn didn't bother to respond, she knew that she didn't need to.

Why did the crew think that she should do something - and they were up from anything from talking to him to walking naked through the ballroom and offering herself too him - when it was clear that he had made his choice and appeared to be happy with that? It is the way it is.

"He might have caused us a few problems over the years, but he's got a point."

Turning back towards the entrance that Tom had just ducked back through, she watched as Chakotay leant against the frame of the large doors, watching her with a soft smile.

"I told him I'd like a moment alone."

"I know."

"That still stands."

"I figured."

If subtlety wasn't going to work... "Go away, Chakotay."

"No."

"No?"

"You don't think it's time we had this out?"

"Here? Now?"

"Why not?"

She was going to mention the plethora of Starfleet Officials in just the next room. She was going to remind him of their crew. Hell, she was going to point out that his date was probably waiting for him inside. Instead, she settled for, "Now isn't the time."

"It never is."

Kathryn heard him sigh as she returned to her study of the landscape. "No, I suppose not."

Silence descended between them and for a moment, she thought he may have taken the hint and left her be. But then she heard him move until he was standing right behind her, one hand on her shoulder. Her eyes closed and she sighed. She could feel the heat of his body through the thin material of her blue dress.

"I love you."

Snapping her eys back open, she blinked a few times before forcing herself to respond. "And that means what, exactly?"

"I don't know. Dinner, maybe?"

"You have a girlfriend." She pointed out.

"Had."

Now that made her turn around to face him. It also made her realize exactly how close he'd been standing. "Excuse me?"

"I had a girlfriend. Seven and I aren't together."

"You came here together."

"We did." He shrugged. "I escorted a friend to a function that she was nervous about attending."

"When did you two...?"

"About an hour after we got back to Earth."

"I didn't know that."

"So it seems."

Kathryn rubbed at her arms, suddenly feeling the cold of the night air. "Everyone in there thinks you're dating."

"I don't care what they think, remember?" Chakotay removed the black jacket of his tux and slipped it over her shoulders.

"We established that."

"Yes we did." He nodded. "But we haven't established if you want to have dinner or not."

"You're pushy tonight."

"You aren't my boss anymore, I can be. And you're evading the question."

He was right, she was avoiding the question.

Up until three minutes ago, she'd given up hope that they had a chance at anything and now she wanted a few moments to get her brain in gear, as it were.

Kathryn clucked her tongue. "Dinner?" He nodded. "And we see how it goes?" He nodded again and she nodded with him. “OK."

***

End