Part & Parcel

Title: Part & Parcel
Author: Ky (venom69)
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating: Age Friendly
Summary: His brain couldn't handle much more at this point.
Character/Pairing: Janeway/Chakotay
Spoilers: None… the show’s ended!
Warnings: Sap.
Prompt Number for fic101: 20 - Late
Author’s Notes: Song belongs to Madonna. No, really.
Disclaimer: Usual guff. Not mine, promise to put them back where I found them.
Date: 11/01/07

***

If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart, it will never leave.
There's a golden gate
Where the fairies all wait and dancing moons
For you

***

"I'm late."

Chakotay stretches himself out on the bed. His feet pull the sheet down a little, exposing more of his bare chest at the action. "I'm not keeping you."

He watches as Kathryn eyes him up before biting her lip. Several long, but pleasant, seconds roll by before she speaks. "I know."

Deviously, he stretches even further.

The sheet is creeping below his navel now and her eyebrows seemed to be creeping closer and closer towards her hairline. He smiles. "You should get going. Wouldn't do for the Captain to be late to the bridge."

"What?"

"Your duty shift? You said you were late."

Kathryn blinks. "I didn't mean it quite like that." She - evil woman that she is - waits until she sees his face change from smug, to confused, to shocked, before she walks around to his side of the bed, leans down and kisses him on the cheek. "But you are right. It wouldn't do for me to be late. See you on duty."

***

For a few moments, he considers running after her.

Regardless of what he is - or rather, isn't - wearing, he wants to run through the corridors, jump in a turbolift and either catch her on the bridge or meet her in the Ready Room.

He has it all planned and is just about ready to get out of bed when he realizes that there's a good reason she told him right before she had to leave for her shift.

She's nervous.

They are both on boosters; both have for years, even before they got together.

But hers ran out six months ago, his a few weeks later.

Chakotay would say that it was an unconscious decision on both of their parts not to have them updated - despite a few very stern warnings from the Doctor.

Neither had brought up the subject of children, just as neither had brought up the subject of living together.

He now calls half of her quarters his, so he thinks it's a safe bet that most of the milestones in their relationship will be left up to whatever deity takes an interest.

Like this, apparently.

He's happy about the idea of her carrying his child - the image has certainly floated through his dreams more than once before - but he's a little worried about it, too.

Before he even thinks about her eating/sleeping/caffeine habits, Chakotay can't shake the nagging voice that tells him that having a baby here, on the ship, in the Delta Quadrant, is a really bad idea.

A really bad idea.

There's enemies and ally's alike that travel with them. People that they trade with. Passengers and refugees they assist. People that he doesn't know and doesn't know that he could trust the wellbeing of their child.

And he has to worry about all of that and more if she makes it through the pregnancy.

A soft laugh escapes him at the image of her standing there, eight months pregnant, unable to see her feet, her hands on her hips as she barks orders across the bridge.

Focus. He tells himself, banishing the smile from his face and the thought from his mind.

He's managed to mentally get her through the pregnancy with a minimum of fuss. Her twenty-hour long duty shifts will have to come to an end. Her chair would probably need to be upgraded and she would definitely need to lessen the stress levels, but they could do it.

Now he just has to consider that, for the next 18 years - at the very least - they will be solely responsible for another human life.

Is he ready for that?

Is she?

Is their relationship?

They spent five years dancing around each other until one night, four or five months ago, he just happened to kiss her. She just happened to kiss him back and they just happened to keep going from there.

No debating how 'they' would work, no big conversation like he had always imagined, no confessions of love - at least, not until a few hours later - no real prior thought to it at all.

He just... kissed her.

That was it.

And now she's late.

Are they really ready for this?

He likes leaving their relationship up to fate - not over-analyzing every little nuance of it as they tend to do - but the more he thinks, the more certain he is that they should have discussed this one first.

***

He doesn't see her again until they meet back in their quarters for dinner.

She spends the day alternating her time between the bridge and the Ready Room and he spends the day in engineering, alternating between helping B'Elanna and running back and forth to Astrometrics.

It's a quiet part of space - Thank the Spirits; his brain couldn't handle much more at this point - and everyone is using the time to play catch-up on reports and repairs that they've been putting off while traveling through inhabited territories.

"Have a good day?" He asks, programming the replicator with their dinner.

Kathryn is behind him, pouring them both a glass of wine and he has to fight the urge to ask what she's doing. You can't drink wine when you're pregnant... can you? He should know these things. "Not really."

He can imagine why. It's a hell of a lot to take in. "We should talk about this."

"Chakotay..."

"No, let me go first. I've thought a lot about this. A lot. I don't know if we're ready, I don't know if the crew is ready. I don't know how you feel about this and I don't know what we're supposed to do now," He wants to add a comment about the wine in her hand, but doesn't. "But what I do know is that I love you. And we can do this."

He expects her to smile.

She sniffles a little instead. "It was a false alarm."

"What?"

"I was wrong."

"Oh." That certainly took the wind out of his grand speech. "Are you sure?"

Kathryn takes a large sip of wine and nods. "I went and saw the Doctor."

"Oh."

"Yeah. He offered to update my booster again. And yours too, if you like."

"What did you say?"

"That I thought I should talk to you first."

Chakotay drains the glass she had just poured for him. "I appreciate that."

"We can talk about it another time."

"Yes, of course."

The replicator beeps and he moves to serve their dinner.

He's not very interested in the vegetable lasagna anymore - and she probably isn't either - but he still serves it up and holds her chair out for her anyway.

Chakotay picks up his fork and makes a valiant attempt at eating, but the action is mechanical and the silence between them eats at him until he puts the cutlery down again and takes one of her hands in his own over the table. "Are you disappointed?"

She looks so sad for a moment that all he wants to do is hug her. "Yes. After I told you, I started thinking about it. I came up with all of the reasons why it was a bad idea, why is would never work. But I just couldn't talk myself out of the idea, you know?"

Oh, does he ever. "Yeah."

"And then when I realized that I was wrong and the Doctor confirmed it, I just felt really sad."

"You could have called me." They're still working on learning to lean on each other for personal matters. It's taking time, but they're getting there.

"I know. I think I needed to digest it first."

"I understand."

She coughs. Personal discussions, ones that leave her vulnerable, still make her uncomfortable, he knows that. "So..."

"We don't have to, you know, update our boosters."

Kathryn nods. "I know. But, do you want to?"

"Do you want children, Kathryn?"

"Only if they're yours." She says it automatically and he watches as her cheeks flush in embarrassment.

It's adorable and he can't help but wonder if that's a trait she'll pass on to their daughter.

One day.

"Good."

"Good?"

"Why don't we just leave it? Let nature take its course?"

"We can do that." She nods. "But what if it doesn't happen right away? Or what if it does? I don't know which to be more concerned about, to be honest."

"Part and parcel of leaving it up to nature, Kathryn, is that we don't get to pick when it happens." Though they both know that the Doctor has the ability to do that on their behalf, if they so wish.

"You're right. OK. I promise not to freak out next time I'm late."

"Good. But, still, tell me?"

She smiles. "I will."

Chakotay is suddenly looking forward to next month.

***

End