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Twin Triplets
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Title: Twin triplets.
Author: [info]venom69and [info]saramund
E-mail: venom69@iprimus.com.au and Saramund@hotmail.com
Category: Romance, humor, smarm.
Pairing: Sam/Jack, Sam/Janet, Teal’c/Daniel
Rating: R-Language and sexual things.
Summary: Snugglebum! Honey-buns! Can it get any worse?
Disclaimer: Don’t own them, never will. Promise to put them back in the state I found them.
Date: 16-02-2004
Copyright to Venom and Saramund, 2003

***

Two weeks later- because, as we all know, time in a fic can lapse quite quickly- it was a sad Sam and jack that prepared to depart from Wowthisis’ntearth. There honeymoon had been a blissful stay at the grandest hotel that Imnothuman could organize for them to stay at. Like an off-world Ritz. Which was pretty cool, when you thought about it.

The sex was great!

Jack was just *so* big- did you expect anything less?- and so talented that Sam often experienced too many orgasms each night to count. It was so good, even the neighbors had needed a cigarette

The whether had been perfect, the blinding hot sun that they had felt apon arrival has mellowed into a gentle warmth that caressed you’re face.

“If only we could stay forever, my love.” Jack whispered, because he was known for being sappy. Seriously. That’s the *real* reason the Goa'uld hate Jack - he has the charm and wit to attract all the ladies, and the equipment and skill to keep them.

He’s just that good.

Of course, now that he has married the love of his life, his soul mate and first love - Sara doesn't count, cause he divorced her - that part of his life was over. Many women upon learning of his marriage wailed and moaned in dispair. There was morning across the galaxy

Dramatically, Sam raised a hand to her forehead in dispair. “I know! Oh- what will the General say? What will my father say? Especially now there’s a baby involved…..”

Jack’s eyes shone with delight because, really, if your first kid dies and then you’re presented with the prospect of becoming a parent again, joy is gonna be the first thing you feel. Sure. Right. “A baby?”

Sam nodded her head, blue eyes twinkles in the golden sunlight. "I think it may be triplets. They run in the family, my darling dear-heart" She replied, her brilliant white teeth gleeming. She uses Colgate, can you tell?

Imnothuman interuppted their happiness when he cleared his throat behind them. “Jonas and Teal’c are ready to depart. I thank you for staying here- please tell all your friends!”

Sam nodded and bent to pick up pack up when jack yelled and grasped the item from her hand. “Sammy! No, you can’t, think of the triplets!”

She nodded and let him take the pack from her, smiling at his chivalry. She was a little saddened thought, with all of the troubles a head of them. I mean, they have to go back to earth and tell Hammond about what happened. And he would of course allow them to stay married, because after all, deep down he's the biggest SJ shipper. And the president and Jack go way, WAY back. I think they met in Kindergarten, yeah. So that's not a problem either. Jacob might be a bit peeved though. But George will talk him through it and Sam will fall down on her knees before his feet crying, begging him not to kill Jack, because she really can't live without him.

Well, that’s what she *guessed* may happen.

***

The ‘gate room was a buzz when they returned, and Hammond stood at the bottom of the ramp waiting for them. Because he does that for all his teams. Yeah, sure, I believe that too.

“Welcome back!” he beamed, bouncing because his favourite team were back and it was always boring without them. “How did the trade relations go, SG-1?”

Teal'c and Daniel…no wait, wasn’t it Jonas? Oh, there’s basically the same person anyway…*anyway* they emerged from the wormhole and walked straight out of the gateroom because there's nothign for them to do in this scene and they can't be bothered to hang around and say 'yes' and 'their telling the truth'. Besides, they wanted to go and have a bit of 'fun' in the showers before Jack came in.

“Trade relations?” Jack repeated, confused.

“Jack, we were there for a mission, not just so you could fuck my brains out.” Sam reminded him quietly.

Unfortunately Hammond over heard.

How convenient.

"Major,why are you calling your CO by his first name?" Totally missing on the salient feature that her CO was fucking her brains out.

“Slip of the tongue?” She offered.

“Speaking of tounge….”Jack winked at her and she could feel her panties getting wet with the essence of her love for him.

Hammond accepted her reason. “Well, fair enough!”

They all stood around like stale bottle’s of piss (Aussie joke) for a bit, each lost in their thoughts. Sam was wondering about the health of her beautiful twins, because they would be beautiful. If not, she’d ask for a refund.

Hammond was wondering if any more hair had grown on his head. That infomercial said it would, but he hadn’t noticed the difference. Althought, that airman *had* been eyeing him funny all day……

Jack was thinking that it would be totally great to do Sam near the gate, and that nameless airman in the background was wondering if he was ever going to get any lines-or a name, for that matter.

Suddenly, like a flashback to Divide and Conquer, the airman had a psychotic episode. He was dragged off by men in white coats screaming “I can speak! And my name is Joe! Damnit, listen to me!”

"Right, well I'll talk to you in twenty minutes, after you've had a shower but before you can be checked out for any goa'uld infestation becuase god forbid we actually follow OH&S procedure" Hammond ordered, completely ignoring the scene that had just gone on behind him. He was the base commander. He could do that.

Carter and Cornel O'Neil nodded and made their way out of the room, holding hands as they went. They were not ashamed of their love. And in any case, no one seemed to noticed that they’d finally got it on. That was probably how they managed to get infiltrated by bad-guys so often, thinking about it.

Teh SGC was good like that.

***

After a shower together, where they made fantastic luuurve, despite it being a communal shower, with about fifty other SGC personnel in there, they headed to the infirmary.

Janet took one look at Sam and knew straight away that she’d gotten some. Because, let’s face it- she’s Janet! What more do we need to say? Except: I am gonna kill the mother fuckers who axed her. Why not kill Teal'c off. It's not like he says anything anyway. We can survive without Teal’c, but we need Janet. We never really liked him that much……

Yes, anyway.

Jonas and Teal'c had just finished when they arrived, looking remarkably flushed and out of breath. Showering, that is. Finished showering. Because anything else wasn't really encouraged.

And heaven forbid *all* of SG-1 got a sex life. *gasp*

Janet studied Sam for a moment, her doctorish ESP skills at work. “Sam? Are you pregnant?” Sam’s ‘glow’ was answer enough. “Triplets!” Janet cried, jumping up and down happily. “Oh yay! Me too! Daniel is *fantastic* by the way!”

“Isn’t he ascended?” Jack asked.

Janet looked around for a bit, her face pensive. “Erm….sure!” It was a truly mystical experience.

Sam and Janet gushed to each other about their pregnancies, and how unusual it was for them to get pregnant on the same day. “Well….*I* had sex at nine am.” Janet announced.

Sam gasped, her eyes sparkling at her Darling Jack. “Me too!”

“Twin triplets!” Jonas cried.

No one found him funny.

"That means we got pregnant at the same time!" Janet cried and grabbed Sam in a huge hug. "We're bound to go into labour together." She continued, knowing that that's what true friends did for each other.

“Definitely!” Sam agreed.

“C’mon, I’ll examine you!” Janet decided.

“And then *I’ll* examine *you*.” Sam agreed. They weren’t heard from for several hours. Odd that.

Jack, Jonas and Teal’c stood around for a while until they started to hear some odd noises. Moaning types of odd noises. “My wife’s cheating on me.” Jack decided, tears in his eyes. Yeah, he’s a real military man, cries at the drop of a hat.

“Don no be so certain.” Teal’c warned.

But Jack was off to go into the doc’s private office, ready to hav it out with Sam for cheating on him. He burst thru the door…..

……only to see the two women indulging in some Tim Tam’s.

What an anti-climax.

***

Sam looked up at her irate husband: "Honey-bun?" She asked, slurping her Tim-Tam coffee.

"For Cryin’ Out Loud, cravings already?" Jack burst out, recovering fast from his jealous rage. He was good like that. *cough* Bloody emotional trainwreck. *cough*

What? I have a cold!

"A woman's whoremonal imbalance at a time like this requires that she demand strange..."Sam launched into some techno-babble explanation to make him understand her needs. She was pregnant damnit! Why wasn't he being more supportive?

Jack rushed to her side as he watched tears well in her eyes. “Oh baby I’m sorry, forgive me sugar-dumpling, please?” He made puppy dog eyes at her- yep, military through and through.

“Oh snugglebum! I love you!” And they started to make out furiously. Jack bent to her stomach to talk to his triplets, who were conceived two weeks ago, and therefore not so good with the hearing thing.

“My wittle kiddies!”

And then Jacob walked in.

***

Dun Dun Dun!

Tune in for the next episode: What will happen? Will Jacob castrate jack? Will Sam and Janet go to pre-natal classes together? Will there love be hidden from the world?

Wait and see. ;)

Fin.